The Road to Adventure [1]
Gnorton leaned back in his chair, and his entire countenance lit up like a 'lectro-torch. It was obvious that the cantankerous contraption was his pride and joy.
"Transforming, Adaptable... ah... aherm..." he began before mumbling something that might have been Neverfinished, "...Knapsack!" His pointed ears flickered a little, a gnomish expression of pride.
"It's heavy-duty, steam-powered, hydro-enhanced, auto-loading, and certainly multi-purpose. After my accident with my leg, I dedicated nearly my entire research and development budget to the Mark II. The third iteration got some significant upgrades of course, and this sleek beauty is the Mark IV."
The machine seemed to purr with appreciation for such a compliment.
Gnorton noticed and scowled, but continued on with an expansive summary of the materials and designs he'd been working to perfect on the T.A.N.K.
"What can it do? What can't it do?" he asked in retort. "Well I'll tell you! Very little." It wasn't exactly clear which of the two questions he was answering.
When the beanpole of a human spoke, Gnorton sputtered and fumed. "ALIVE? Bah! This bucket of bolts is about as far from alive as... as... well NO! It ain't alive, it's a machine, a construct, an assemblage, a... a contrivance, an implement, an apparatus, erm... an automotator, a fabrication, a habiliment... and... an... ornery mess of cogs, hydrostats and spontificators, and it's always trying to kill me!" The gnome's face was red, probably from over exertion.
"Of course it's not alive!" he insisted once he'd regained his breath.
The machine made a very indelicate sound as it off-gassed something sulfuric from its talepipe - which happened to have somehow gotten pointed in Gnorton's direction!
He pulled out his odd little hammer and banged it back into place.
"So, there you have it. The T.A.N.K. Mark IV. And as soon as I get some time I'm going to dismantle it to the frame and upgrade its motivational circuitry!"
The machine lurched petulantly, causing the glass dome to fall into place with a Click! Gnorton's beard had gotten stuck in the latch. Luckily for everyone, the thick glass muted the eruption of gnomish obscenities and banging noises as Gnorton tried to free himself from within.