Why did the chicken cross the road?

It was stapled to the car. Who did it? Not my fault, not your fault, it's the asphalt.

Cars

What do you call a Ford Fiesta that ran out of gas? A Ford Siesta.

Ford

Ford: Found On Road Dead

I was looking to be a Taurus that owned a Taurus, but I couldn't a-Ford it.

Astrology

I’m trying to create a suspenseful astrology joke.
Watch this space...

Space

This space was intentionally left blank.

Blanks

I finally bought the Thesaurus that I've always needed. When I opened it, all the pages were blank!

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Spoiler text: (Highlight or hover over the text to view)
I have no words to describe how angry I am about it!

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Angry

The metal musician was so angry he was spitting bars.

Bar jokes

Me: What’s the Wi-Fi password?
Bartender: You need to buy a drink first.
Me: OK, I’ll have an orange juice.
Bartender: Three dollars.
Me: There you go. So what’s the Wi‑Fi password?
Bartender: “You need to buy a drink first.” No spaces, all lowercase.


Passwords

My father gave me a sabre, and I loved it so much it's the key to my internet connection. But for some reason, my IT guy doesn't like the fact people need to enter PA'S SWORD to get access.

Internet

[OOC: pun particularly appreciated]

It’s not always easy shopping on internet. For example, yesterday I searched for cigarette lighters, and got over 10000 matches.

Matches

Matches are the only ones praised for being hot heads.

Toilets

I designed an amazing, new toilet concept and I built a prototype, but I can't find anybody willing to test it.
...it looks like no one gives a crap.

Prototypes

The police station installed prototype toilets, but they were sabotaged and blown up. The detectives have nothing to go on.

Police

I used to know a guy that was a thief. Once he had a heart attack while running away from the police that caught him red handed.
A cardiac arrest.

Heart
This message was last edited by the player at 22:51, Thu 03 Mar 2022.

I'll bet his heart could have used a good thumping.

Breath

Get it? Vampires are undead so they do not breathe!

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Sword

Why did the pirate only use his swords on women?
Because they were cutlasses, not cutlads.

Is a pirate's favorite letter 'ARRRGHH' or 'The Sea'?

Donuts

Did you hear the song about pastries that strip melanin from people's irises? It's called Donuts Make My Brown Eyes Blue.

Colors

The power rangers powering up:

Red Ranger: Red Power!
Blue Ranger: Blue Power!
Pink Ranger: Pink Power!
Green Ranger: Green Power!
Yellow Ranger: Yellow Power!

(...)

White Ranger: um hi i guess...

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Weaponry

Player: My swashbuckler pulls out his 4-inch rapier!

GM (in serving girl voice): Oh, my lord! What a beautiful tiny weapon!

(This actually happened with people I know at a role playing game session.)

Pirates

Still nobody will tell me if a pirate's favorite letter 'ARRRGHH' or 'The Sea'???

(does throwback count as wordplay???)

-- Food --

I tried to be a baker, but I couldn't make any dough.

Keep going with the food.

I (froggychum) was at a fancy dinner last week with a gorgeous dame of a toad!

After we got our order, I was shocked! And so, I call to the one who had served it...

"Waiter, there is soup in my flies!!"

- this theme shall ride -