The player must come up with a pun (or some other form of wordplay) on the topic that the previous poster suggested. Then that player posts a topic for the next person to make a pun from. The pun does not have to use the exact wording of the topic, but must be related to the topic chosen.

EXAMPLE: Topic from last post (Player 1) is poetry.

Player 2: Did you hear about the bad poem that was turned into a song and became verse?

New topic: Sheep

Player 3: Don't come to me, I'm taking it on the lamb.

New Topic: teeth
This message was last updated by the GM at 05:43, Fri 04 Mar 2022.

A pun thread? Finally something I can really sink my teeth into!

(keep it teeth for a bit?)

Can't you see that this subject just bites?

Willing to expand this to anything mouth-related, which would include teeth.

Wow, starting us out on a difficult topic! I've been trying to come up with something since the thread started but, it's a bit hard to chew on.

(Hmm...why not keep it mouth related again.)

I should give you all a good tongue-lashing, but I’m afraid you pervs mights enjoy it.  ;)

Okay new topic… music.

In reply to Shadow (msg # 5):

And on that note; a new topic!

(ironically, we'll keep it the same topic; music)

These terrible jokes are music to my ears!

A symphony straight outta Hell, that is!

(keeping the same theme)

What is Beethoven doing now? De-composing.

This way the theme is now death.

What did the skeleton say when he died?

"Ah man... I'm boned!"

[OOC: what is the new theme?]

In reply to The Fool on the Hill (msg # 10):

It's _______  (or as they say in philosophy classes, NOTHINGNESS).

I'm speechless... I have no words. There is nothing I can say!

OOC - I didn't suggest a new theme, so I thought it would stay on death?

Anyway, let's do 'life'

In reply to Shadow (msg # 11):

Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness.
He says to the waitress, “I’d like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.” The waitress replies, “I’m sorry, Monsieur, but we’re out of cream. How about with no milk?”

[OOC: I like this too much to drop it, even if Froggychum was faster than me to reply to Shadow - so I'll reply to both]

In reply to Froggychum (msg # 12):

My life was not very lucky: I grew up in a fairly rough place. for example, last time I bought an advent calendar, half the windows are boarded up!


You can now choose the next theme: it can be milk or it can be windows
This message was last edited by the player at 00:04, Sun 06 Feb 2022.

Windows!

The government declared that 'the eyes are a window to the soul'...

That was the year before the Blind Inquisition...

(new topic - candy)

Candy, you say? I'm a sucker for this topic!

And to the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing! (I had to throwback to that topic as it winked out before I could respond. It's naught worthy of such minuscule discussion.)

New Topic: animals

What do all the other frogs say when one frog dies?

"Ah... he croaked"

(same topic)

I’m sorry, but I can remember no puns about this topic. Can I have your frogiveness?

Next topic is memory, lack of.

I found a way to put an undergarment on people's brains like that under a dress. Unfortunately, it slipped my mind.

Brain jokes...

Stay in school kids, a mime is a terrible thing to waste.

Rabbits

A man was driving with his wife when he ran over something. He stopped and saw a crushed rabbit, a wicker basket, and colored eggs.

"What happened?" his wife asked.

"I think I killed the Easter Bunny!"

"Hold on!" She fished through her purse, pulled out an aerosol can, and emptied it onto the rabbit. It jumped up, waved at her, gathered the eggs into the basket, waved again, hopped a few times, waved again, and disappeared around the corner.

The man asked her, "What was in that bottle?"

"Hare spray. Restores lifeless hare and adds permanent wave."

Next up: Personal care products

(we just watched an ad for this shill's hare spray XD)

A prisoner drops a bar of soap

(next topic - the government)

What's the difference between the government and the mafia? The mafia can turn a profit.

New theme: mafia.

"I went against the mafia..."
"No way, what happened!"
"This morning, I woke up with a horse head in my bed!"
"Oh no!"
"Yeah... my wife's really got an ugly mug"

*new theme - WMDs*

I ran an ad for MOABs, but it bombed.

Next up: explosions

"Have you ever heard of the Rods from God?"

"Do you mean the Tower of Babel? I have!"

"Uh... sure" *quietly puts away orbital kinetic tungsten weapons*

new topic: family

Did you hear about the gorilla who was taught to read? He was found one day holding a Bible in one hand and The Origin of Species in the other. He was trying to find out if he was his brother's keeper or his keeper's brother.

Next up: monkeys

What did a bunch of monkeys say when a group of researchers approached?

"Quick! Shut up and pick your noses, or else they'll make us pay taxes!"

Edit: new topic - lies
This message was last edited by a game editor at 23:26, Sun 06 Feb 2022.

The big cat claimed to be a tiger but I knew he was lion.

Next up: tigers

If you happen to come across a pun with no follow-up target, may I suggest just taking something from the pun and building off that as a default?

Sounds good, but I also think it should be a 'legal move' to stick with the same topic.

Using each topic only once is unnecessary

---

...in the CANCELLED Murim world...

Prepare yourself, Heavenly Demon Emperor! They call me Tiger Fist!

Why do they call you that?

*grotesquely transforms hand into eight foot long feline*

Oh Gods, put it away!

That’s what she said!   :D

Cats

Meow that's more like it!

CAT PUNS!? You sir, have CROSSED fe-LINE!

My favorite cat pun of all time came from an old British comedy series called “Are You Being Served?” Mrs. Slocome was one of the female leads and she was habitually late for work, and always had an excuse that related to her pussy, by which she meant her pet cat.

(scene, Mrs. Slocome arrives to work, late as usual)

“Sorry I’m late! It was raining out and my pussy got so wet I had to dry it out in front of the fire.”

And she never got burned for that?

I have a burning question: I got fired as a firefighter is a legal pun according to the rules of this thread?

Next topic: rules.

Okay, when you’re playing baseball the rules are simple. You start out with nine players on the field. You’ve got Who on first base, What on second…

Hold on, wait a minute! Who’s on first base?

Yes.

</scratches head in confusion> Okay, I want you to tell me the names of the guys on the field.

I am. Who’s on first…

How am I supposed to know! You’re the one telling me!

I am, if you’ll just listen. Who’s on first…

No, no, wait a minute. What’s the name of the guy on first base?

No, What’s on second.

————————————

Flowers

Well, what can I say? You made my dai-sy with this magnificent topic!

Next topic: magnificence

A giant is a human magnified.

Next up: puns about puns

(Not sure if this qualifies…)
What do you call a stupid donkey acquaintance?

A dumb ass ass associate… or a stubborn triple assed friend.

Feet

What did the big toe say to the little toe?

Nothing. Because feet don't talk. Idiot.

---

Disney

If Walt Disney were alive, he never would have allowed Pluto to be demoted as a planet.

Planet jokes

Hey did you hear that the Hertz rent-a-car company already has plans to expand onto other worlds once humans start colonizing other planets? They’ve even got a catchy new name for their outer space expansions…. Uranus-Hertz.    :)

Same topic
This message was last edited by the player at 04:20, Tue 08 Feb 2022.

The last time I thought of Mars, I was eating a candy bar.

Candy jokes

Oh no!... I had a nice lollipop joke, but I just can't remember it! What a frustration! I got it on the tip of my tongue!

Tongue

I, too, was struggling with a lollipop joke, and a tongue joke, but I now have the problem licked.

Lips

Roses on the piano and tulips on the organ.  ;)

Money

I tried to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough.
Then I tried to break into the bank computer, but I found I couldn't hack it.
I tried dropping pennies on an exit sign, to coin a phrase.
The duck didn't pay for his meal, instead telling them to put it on his bill.
So, you think this topic is cashed out?

Mice

(Scary Movie philosophy 101)

My aunt Shaneequa got evicted for having mice.

I thought she had rats?

No, rats are outside, mice are inside.

But what if a mouse goes outside does it become a rat, and if a rat is in the house, is it a mouse?

I ain't seen no mouse outside!

That's because it's a rat, fool!


Fish
This message was last edited by the player at 03:01, Wed 09 Feb 2022.

You rang? Oh, but I'm merely a mouse, not mice...

I don't mean to carp, but this topic seems a little fishy.

Cats

Cats are a nice topic... and my cat looks OK today, he's clearly feline fine!

Today

Here it's the middle of the gambling week--it's Wins Day!

Gaming

I heard that Apple just forged an incredible alliance with MacDonald's to create together the biggest gaming console ever! I heard they want to call it the Big Mac!

Alliances

A kingdom made an alliance with the denizens of a toxic, barren frontier: "Pact with the Wastes."

Cleaning

A man walks into a vacuum cleaner store. After browsing for a while, he asks to speak to the manager. When the manager comes, she asks the man, “Is there something wrong, sir?” And the man replies, “Oh, something’s wrong alright — everything you sell sucks!”

Jobs

I was hired to be a dentist, but I was tired of always being down-in-the-mouth.
Then I got a job working with rockets, but I was fired.
Maybe I should be a farmer--a man out standing in his field.

Farm jokes

Grain farmers have a tough life. They barley survive from wheat to wheat.
You should never tell secrets on a farm because the potatoes have eyes and the corn have ears.
They say making hay is difficult, but it seems pretty cut and dry to me.

Hospitals

How is a hospital like a hair salon? Some people go into each of them to dye.

Color

If a purple-colored fruit gets stuck in your drain, then you should call a plum-ber to fix it.

-

And if it doesn't work, pipe up.

I was going to cook alligator for dinner, but all I had was a croc pot.

Kitchen utensils

My wife says that I have an excellent nose for wine. I suspect that she says that because it's shaped like a corkscrew....

Noses

Pinocchio's lying problem was nothing to sniff at.

Wood

A bear is riding a bike in the woods when he passes a man who notices him and yells: "What the heck?! Bears don't know how to ride bikes!" The bear replies: "oh right, i forgot!" and tips over.

Bikes

Bikes can't stand up by themselves because they are two-tired

Wheels

Who invented the wheel?

A wheely smart guy!

--> Dessert

I scream for dessert!

Dairy

What did the cow write in it's dairy?

Hair

When looking for hair puns, I had to comb my library. Maybe I should brush up on my memory. I should lock up more information this way.

Locks

I was shocked out of my socks when the flock down the block hocked the clock where I had locked my Glock stocks.

(does rhyming count as wordplay?)

My wife told me: "Nothing rhymes with orange."
I respectfully replied: "No it doesn't!"

oranges

Orange you glad I didn't say banana?   :)

Fruits

I sat down and said to the large man working as the bartender, "Serve me something fruity, please"

Next thing I know, he does an aegyo and says in a high-pitched voice, "Hey, handsome~~"

I belatedly realized I was in the wrong kind of bar!

A man walks in to a bar with a piece of asphalt
The man says to the bartender “1 for me, and 1 for the road”

road

Why did the chicken cross the road?

It was stapled to the car. Who did it? Not my fault, not your fault, it's the asphalt.

Cars

What do you call a Ford Fiesta that ran out of gas? A Ford Siesta.

Ford

Ford: Found On Road Dead

I was looking to be a Taurus that owned a Taurus, but I couldn't a-Ford it.

Astrology

I’m trying to create a suspenseful astrology joke.
Watch this space...

Space

This space was intentionally left blank.

Blanks

I finally bought the Thesaurus that I've always needed. When I opened it, all the pages were blank!

---

Spoiler text: (Highlight or hover over the text to view)
I have no words to describe how angry I am about it!

---

Angry

The metal musician was so angry he was spitting bars.

Bar jokes

Me: What’s the Wi-Fi password?
Bartender: You need to buy a drink first.
Me: OK, I’ll have an orange juice.
Bartender: Three dollars.
Me: There you go. So what’s the Wi‑Fi password?
Bartender: “You need to buy a drink first.” No spaces, all lowercase.


Passwords

My father gave me a sabre, and I loved it so much it's the key to my internet connection. But for some reason, my IT guy doesn't like the fact people need to enter PA'S SWORD to get access.

Internet

[OOC: pun particularly appreciated]

It’s not always easy shopping on internet. For example, yesterday I searched for cigarette lighters, and got over 10000 matches.

Matches

Matches are the only ones praised for being hot heads.

Toilets

I designed an amazing, new toilet concept and I built a prototype, but I can't find anybody willing to test it.
...it looks like no one gives a crap.

Prototypes

The police station installed prototype toilets, but they were sabotaged and blown up. The detectives have nothing to go on.

Police

I used to know a guy that was a thief. Once he had a heart attack while running away from the police that caught him red handed.
A cardiac arrest.

Heart
This message was last edited by the player at 22:51, Thu 03 Mar 2022.

I'll bet his heart could have used a good thumping.

Breath

Get it? Vampires are undead so they do not breathe!

---

Sword

Why did the pirate only use his swords on women?
Because they were cutlasses, not cutlads.

Is a pirate's favorite letter 'ARRRGHH' or 'The Sea'?

Donuts

Did you hear the song about pastries that strip melanin from people's irises? It's called Donuts Make My Brown Eyes Blue.

Colors

The power rangers powering up:

Red Ranger: Red Power!
Blue Ranger: Blue Power!
Pink Ranger: Pink Power!
Green Ranger: Green Power!
Yellow Ranger: Yellow Power!

(...)

White Ranger: um hi i guess...

---

Weaponry

Player: My swashbuckler pulls out his 4-inch rapier!

GM (in serving girl voice): Oh, my lord! What a beautiful tiny weapon!

(This actually happened with people I know at a role playing game session.)

Pirates

Still nobody will tell me if a pirate's favorite letter 'ARRRGHH' or 'The Sea'???

(does throwback count as wordplay???)

-- Food --

I tried to be a baker, but I couldn't make any dough.

Keep going with the food.

I (froggychum) was at a fancy dinner last week with a gorgeous dame of a toad!

After we got our order, I was shocked! And so, I call to the one who had served it...

"Waiter, there is soup in my flies!!"

- this theme shall ride -

I was waiting tables at a restaurant when a man came in with an ostrich. They sat in my station, and the man ordered a chicken salad sandwich and a beer. The ostrich said, "Good choice! Me too!" I served them and the man reached into his pocket. He pulled out the exact amount of the bill plus a 20% tip, and set it on the table. Then they left together. I decided I liked him, as did the rest of the people there.

This pattern repeated for a few weeks until one day the man ordered chicken tenders and a Merlot. Again, the ostrich said, "Good choice! Me too!" This one was more expensive, but again, when he reached into his pocked, he pulled out the exact amount of the bill plus a 20% tip. I just had to ask what his story was.

"See, I found an ancient lamp on the beach, and when I tried to clean it off, a genie appeared and offered me three wishes. My first wish was that everyone I met would like me. My second wish was that I would always have enough money in my pocket for whatever I wanted to do." He then grew silent and somber.

"So," I asked, "what was your third wish?"

"I wished for a long-legged chick with a big butt who would agree with everything I said and follow me everywhere."

I think we can go food for another round.

Old Samuel was a very poor tailor whose shop, in Redbridge, Essex, England, was next door to a very upmarket French restaurant - Truffles.
Every day at lunch time, Samuel would go out the back of his shop and eat his black bread and herring while smelling the wonderful odours coming from the Truffles' kitchen.

One day, Samuel was surprised to receive an invoice from Jean-Luc, the restaurateur for "enjoyment of food." So he went Immediately to speak to Jean-Luc to point out that he had not bought anything from them. Jean-Luc smiled and said, 'You're enjoying our food, so you should pay us for it.'

Naturally Samuel refused to pay and the restaurant owner sued him.

At the hearing, the Judge asked the restaurant to present their side of the case. Jean-Luc stood up and purred, 'Every day, this man comes and sits outside our kitchen at the rear of Truffles; he smells our food while eating his, it is clear that we are providing added value to his poor food and we deserve to be compensated for it.'

The Judge turns to Samuel and said, 'What do you have to say to that?'

Samuel didn't say anything but stuck his hand in his pocket and rattled the few coins he had inside.

The Judge asked him, 'What is the meaning of that?'

Samuel replied, 'Well it's simple really: I'm paying for the smell of his food with the sound of my money.'




money

I have a yen for money puns.

Keep them coming.

The dead man was not living well in the afterlife. He was dead broke.

Dead

Did you hear what happened to the frog? It croaked!

Frogs

Why are frogs so fat? Because they eat whatever bugs them.

Bugs
This message was last edited by the player at 00:09, Tue 15 Mar 2022.

What do you call a fly with no wings? A crawl.

More bugs

A fly is buzzing around on a hot summer afternoon when he notices a smaller bug on his back. He asks the smaller bug, “Are you a mite?”
The smaller bug says, “I might be.”
Says the fly, “That’s the worst pun I’ve ever heard.”
The mite replies, “What do you expect? I just made it up on the fly!”

More more bugs

There were twin weevils: Billy Bob and Jimmy Joe. They did everything together. Billy Bob won the state track championship and Jimmy Joe took second. Billy Bob was named Most Likely to Succeed, just beating out Jimmy Joe. Billy Bob ended up marrying Miss Cotton Boll, and Jimmy Joe married the runner-up.

One day, Billy Bob was found shot to death, and an investigation quickly put the blame on Jimmy Joe. When confronted, he confessed, saying, "Do you know how frustrating it is to always be the lesser of two weevils?"

Evil

https://youtu.be/NY3DrA7tJFk

Lazy :)

My nephew is so lazy. His exercise routine consists of watching horror movies to make his skin crawl.

Exercise

Why can athletes lift more than prisoners?
Because the pros outweigh the cons.

More exercise

I appreciate this giant box of ice cream treats, but that's not what I meant when I wanted you to give me 10 push-ups.

Ice cream

Ice cream because you are driving me crazy!

Driving

Drive you crazy? I don't need to drive you crazy; a 2-foot putt will do!

Golf

Golf is not my cup of tee.

More golf

Golf is the hole reason to live.

More golf

Why do golfers always go to play with spare pants with them?
In case they get a hole in one!

Pants
This message was last edited by the player at 10:11, Sat 19 Mar 2022.

♫Go wear pants if you want to
Or just leave your pants behind
But my friends have pants, so if you've no pants, then you're
No friend of mine!♫

Friends

Friends are those that don't listen to bad gossiping about you.
They spread new.

Spreads

I'm so jelly you didn't get into a jam

Fruit

You’re the apple of my eye!

More fruit

Orange you glad I brought this topic up?

Keep it fruity

Be like a pineapple – always wear your crown!

Crown

A king lost his dental work and his kingdom, thus being decrowned twice.

Teeth

[OOC: much appreciated]

Why did the tooth fairy go to a psychologist?

---

Spoiler text: (Highlight or hover over the text to view)
Because she no longer believed in herself.

---

Psychologists

A psychologist's practice doesn't last long because it tends to shrink.

Doctors

Why did the cookie go to the doctor?

---

Spoiler text: (Highlight or hover over the text to view)
Because they felt crummy.

---

Cookies

Did y'all know that the favorite cookie of dwarves in Middle Earth is shortbread?   ;)

Cats

In reply to Shadow (msg # 128):

[OOC: I believe that the new word should come from your pun-line, rather than being an open proposal. I may have got it wrong...]

Why are cats so good at video games?
Because they have 9 lives, of course!

In reply to The Fool on the Hill (msg # 129):

It does not have to be specifically related to your old post, no. You can request anything you so desire.

After many years of therapy, my psychologist has finally cured me of the desire to sit in the corner in public and blow on people that walk by! But now I have the urge to wear teen idol t-shirts and lean against the wall...

---

Spoiler text: (Highlight or hover over the text to view)
Long time fan, first time poster.

---

Poster

Once I was asked to be poster boy

---

Spoiler text: (Highlight or hover over the text to view)
for birth control.

---

Birth

When a cow gives birth, it’s de-calf-inated.


Cows

What do you get when you cross a cow and a rooster?

---

Spoiler text: (Highlight or hover over the text to view)
Roost beef

---

Rooster

What do you get when you cross a crocodile and a rooster?
 

---

Spoiler text: (Highlight or hover over the text to view)
A croc-a-doodle-doo

---

Swamp (or other body of water)

what do you get when you cross a swamp monster with a bean?

---

Spoiler text: (Highlight or hover over the text to view)
The creature from the black legume!

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Black

I have a small piece of obsidian that used to be part of a larger rock.

It's just a chip off the old black.


Rock

Which rock group is made up of four men who can’t sing nor play at all?

---

Spoiler text: (Highlight or hover over the text to view)
Mount Rushmore.

---

Group
This message was last edited by the player at 22:55, Sat 19 Nov 2022.

If a group of crows is called a murder, is 2 crows attempted murder?

Murder

Indeed. What's the best way to prevent a murder?

---

Spoiler text: (Highlight or hover over the text to view)
Keep the crows apart.

---

Crows
This message was last edited by the player at 20:00, Sat 08 July 2023.

There was a recent study showing that crows were hit a lot more by trucks than cars...

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Spoiler text: (Highlight or hover over the text to view)
they came to the conclusion that this was because crows can warn each other by going "CAAAR CAAAR" but can't say "TRUCK TRUCK".

---

Trucks

When I slammed my foot in the door of the car, I had to call a toe truck; a foot truck costs more because it's bigger than a toe truck.

burrito

How do you make a burrito dance?

---

Spoiler text: (Highlight or hover over the text to view)
Put some salsa music and wrap it up!

---

Dance

Owls like to "hula" dance.

floor

I can’t find my flooring catalog.

---

Spoiler text: (Highlight or hover over the text to view)
I must have misplaced it on the floor somewhere.

---

Catalog

I used to write lists on paper, but paper is just a tree with extra steps, right? So I decided to write directly on the tree instead, and now instead of paper lists, I have a cata-log.

Trees

It takes at least three trees to make a row and it needs at least three facts to make a truth.

Truth

The truth hurts, so I went to the dentist to get it pulled out.

Dentist