For those cases where you may be looking for some compassion or not but permitting the rpol community the option of a response with out moderation for responding here's the thread for you!

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Mandatory work training. I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, I'm glad to get training. On the other, it seems a bit gestapo in its administration.

OK:

Mandatory training isn't for the employee, it's to cover the butt of the employer. So when employee Bob screws up something, whether it was covered in the training or not, Manager Steve can say "He completed/refreshed the full training, it's not my fault!"


*** And a slight possibility that they actually want employees to know the basics of what they're doing in the first place -- or at least enough to let lazy managers sleep at night.

**** And "Manager Steve" includes everyone else on up.
This message was last edited by the user at 22:31, Wed 17 July 2013.

Don't know what we are doing?
->Oh no. Don't let that little secret out. Reminds me of an article I think about a year ago where a programmer actually contracted out his job oversees for a fraction of his salary. It went on for years and he was getting rave reviews and bonuses until one day they were tracking access to company assets and he got snagged. Brings up a number of interesting questions.


Heh. Precisely why I've stayed out of management. I get my tasks and do them (hopefully well) and their happy and I'm happy. I do pretty well at avoiding most of the political business nonsense. I'll probably 'lemming up' and do some sort of training so not to draw extra unwanted attention to myself. The training is not all bad. The worse is the employee review stuff. Oh my gosh. Inevitably, it has been my experience the bigger the company you work for the more ridiculous the review becomes. Just when you think it's gotten real bad they seem to find another way to take it to more a ludicrous level. I'm wondering if its actually developed into an art form. The fact that we often have to waste probably a weeks worth of time over the year doing a review seems not very productive. And, ironically, it completely doesn't matter. You get bucketed into a slot pretty much no matter what you do or say. There are a few exceptions but for the most part your on a bell curve and the pool of money gets divided up and that's that. And don't get me started on the vitality program. Who thinks up this silliness anyway? I'd like to put them through kobold patty whack machine.

Actually rogar308, if I were you, I'd feed them to the darkspawn, but that's just sadistic, little old me.

@Newgirl2010: Perfect. I'm making you director of distraught, madame of mayhem, and gal of gotchas. How's *that* title? I hope it fits on the business cards.

The worst are employee reviews if you're in pure sales. Like commission sales. Its a nice way for them to say, 'We need you to sell x10 as much as you have been? Can you do so? Y/N?'

N means you're fired. Y leads you to another week or so and when you don't get the sales in you'll want to find another job anway... Because you have less than minimum wage and less than welfare... :(

Sales. Tried that. Didn't like it. Not only was I forced to sale stuff that was crap but you're constantly hit with quotas, most of which, barring holding a gun to peoples heads your not going to meet. So yeah, I feel for sales folk. Some gigs are tougher then others and I don't begrudge them when they do well and make something for themselves. Plus the positions that are based solely off commission are even tougher. Lots of times sales happen in waves so your salary is all over the place up and down which makes it a nightmare for trying to plan any sort of sane budget for yourself.

I never want to do it again. I did pure commission on double-glazing and had to work with a right bunch of brosives... :/

Its always those frontin' tools that seem to well in sales, isn't it?

Second time I had to do cold calls. It was either that or be penniless. I used to come home with phone-ringing tone filling my ears and feeling physically sick as I felt like a sell-out. I hate cold calling with a passion and how they seem to really target people.

Then I was stuck doing it. Because of a certain agency of which I hope I never get to experience again...

But I was glad when they kicked me for not making the impossible quota. I'm much happier doing min.wage retail or even customer service than that again...

Thank you, Sharknado.  I'm certain that scene where they blow apart a tornado with a bomb is going to inspire idiots to go storm-chasing so they can try it themselves.

The only upside to that is natural gene pool cleansing but it's really too bad anybody has too die needlessly.

Here's another vent. It irks me when I get a trouble ticket to resolve and I develop the code fix in dev, test it successfully, get it promoted to test only to find out that credit processing wasn't set up at all or correctly in test for this application. Now I got to spend an inordinate amount of time figuring out what's missing and what needs to be done to get payment processing working in the test environment. Meanwhile some poor chap is not getting the product he paid for because they allowed the product manager to add products at will without actually testing them first. Nice job guys. If that's not good enough, half the team is out training this week and the key team lead is out on vacation the entire next week. Yeah, good times.

Here's my vent...

For ages a certain online rpg store I won't name accepted my debit card as payment. I always had the cash in and never had any problems. Now it won't accept my card. I even went to the bank to see if there were any blocks or problems, nothing. Seeing as most games are on pdf now and that site was the one I really trusted more than any other dev store, I am now stuck with the systems I have and unable to buy more until they happen to maybe want to accept debit cards again. I am not getting a credit card and running myself into a potential debt purely so I can get the newest supplements for my games.

Thank fudge most of the systems I play are pretty old now and most supplements I have wanted I have already...

Also, Tbh, I think a debit card is better than a credit card as it means I have the money already, right there and I'm not having my bank pay and then possibly not paying back the credit later... (I would never be so unscrupulous, but some people can be) >_<

Did the site say they won't accept debit cards anymore?  Did you contact them to ask what happened?  They may have accidentally tagged your account as a problem, confusing it with another account and you might be able to clear it up with an email to customer service.

And Debit cards are NOT better than credit cards for buying online.  In many cases you do not get the same level of protection from a debit card that you do from a credit card.  You often lose the extended warranties that come with most credit cards.

And if someone steals from your credit card account, the company will let you challenge the charges and not make you pay while they investigate.  If someone gets into your debit card account, you'll be out the cash immediately and have to fight the bank to return it.  The burden of proof is on you either way, but at least with a credit account you won't be out the rest of your bill and grocery money for the month.

If you insist on using a debit card, have a separate account for buying stuff online.  I have one set up at my bank just for buying online or traveling.  When I want something, I transfer that amount from one account to the other (free at my bank) and then buy it.  That way, if someone steals my debit card info, they aren't going to be able to empty my good account and make my kids go hungry.

In reply to Evil Empryss (msg # 13):

While that is true in a lot of cases. Some places offer things like debit card protection free with their accounts. I know Nationwide do this.

The problem with that is that you are still out all that cash because it only activates *after* your money is gone.  If you've got bills being paid directly out of your account you risk running up a ton of overdraft fees before it gets caught.  Yes, the bank *should* return all that money, but in the mean time your credit is going down the drain and you're having to take the time to deal with the bank and all your other creditors.

In reply to Evil Empryss (msg # 15):

I think what cero1 was trying to say was that Debit Cards are better for the bank/vendor since it means he already has money, and was saying that by way of expressing his confusion that the site doesn't take Debit. Maybe he's right, maybe he's wrong, but that's what he was saying. The relative merits of Debit vs Credit for the end-user wasn't really the point.

In reply to truemane (msg # 16):

Thats it, yeah. In a nutshell, I find it annoying they'd stop accepting my card, especially when I have never had a problem with them in payments. The money is always there when I want to buy something. I come from the school of living that if you don't have the money, you can't have it until you do.

Of course things like mortgages etc are the exception.

In reply to truemane (msg # 16):
Which doesn't make sense since 1) cero mentioned using it with them before, so if they were taking it previously I was wanting to know if they changed the policy site-wide or just flagged cero's account and 2) it sounds like he's working with a large, reputable site so it's unlikely they're suddenly making a distinction between debit and credit cards (there's very little difference if there's a Visa/MC logo on the card; only the vendor sees a difference in the fees the vendor pays for each transaction).

Debit cards have some risks that credit cards do not.  When a debit card # is stolen and used, then the money is gone.  Disputing the charges is a lot harder, a lot more time consuming, and the money may not be returned to your account at all.

I don't like debt either.  I avoid it by using my credit card and paying off all balance once or twice per month.  That way, I get the buffer of the credit card extra protection, no fees or interest, and no debt.  I also get cash back that I periodically apply to the balance before making my payment.  I don't get a discount for paying cash or for using my debit card, and the bank pays so little interest on checking accounts that it makes more financial sense to use a good credit card if you have the self discipline to pay it off every month and not charge it if you don't have the money to pay for it then.


I had a friend who once told me she had an American Express card because they gave her no option not to pay off the debt monthly.  She paid them about $75 per year for the extra kick in the pants to do what she could have done for free on her own.  I didn't understand then, and I don't understand now.

Depending on the bank, they may have extra restrictions on the use of debit cards including the location of the purchase if it's out of the country.  I'd try the customer service number listed on the card in question and ask them about it.

Paypal is good too - you can even tie the payments to your bank account if you want to use it like a debit card, and it gives you some additional security in that you're not giving your card # out to multiple sites.  I usually choose the Paypal option to pay when buying online if possible.
This message was last updated by the user at 13:41, Fri 19 July 2013.

Seems more likely my account has been mistakenly flagged for some reason then, based on that. I am a Brit and it is a US site, but that shouldn't make a difference as I've been using them for the past two years just fine with nay problems.

I'll message them about it when I get the chance.

But yeah, I dislike giving my card details out, online or not... Too many bad people out there on the net (second rant of the day ;D)

My best friend of 10 years and my beloved girlfriend dont like eachother, and there making me choose between the 2 all the time... Its not fair to my friend because I always let her win, but sometimes he can be so unreasonable... it makes me so depressed, like im just not suppose to have it easy.

Sounds like your best friend needs a girlfriend.

I know one of my good friends and my now wife don't really get along. They tolerate each other is about as good as it gets. Basically when I started dating her my time shifted from him to her. Not completely but significantly. He felt abandoned by me and well there may be some truth to that but it's not like you don't like them anymore but rather it's you are pursing a relationship with someone else. They usually see it as losing out to someone else. This often means they develop a dislike or hatred towards said person and take it hard. Even if you do spend time with your good friend they see the situation as 'not like it used to be' and still hassle you. I would say you should spend time with your friend regularly and not abandon the relationship but he's going to have to accept the fact that he's not going get the time from you like he used to. As enjoyable as hanging out and doing stuff with the guys is, not all of us want to spend the rest of our life alone.

In reply to Andrew Wilson (msg # 21):

If they have been so rude as to say outright you must choose, they aren't very good friends!  Even if it is only a matter of pressure to 'choose me' whenever a conflict comes up, it's not a good sign.  Your male friend should realize you need to spend time with your g/f (yes, he needs a g/f of his own!), and your g/f should not be trying to cut you off from your old friends (unless your favoured mode of entertainment in his company is something she has reason to object to, no matter the company).  Doesn't your g/f has friends?  If she doesn't, she needs to find some.  Everyone needs a variety of people in their life, hopefully an s/o, but also good friends and family.

My direct supervisor left the company suddenly last Friday.  In a department of 2, that means I have to learn her job and step in.  I am actually enjoying that very much.

My vent comes in today, a co-worker in another department denied in a loud voice that she would EVER tell me to use a specific menu in the computer to find lead times for the arrival of computer parts.  Said it three times in a loud voice, twice over my trying to politely state she had.  I went into my office and got the sticky note with HER handwriting telling me that menu and 'lead times' written on it.  She then switched to say that that menu was not what she was updating NOW.

I told her 'that is fine, but I was doing what you last told me to do' she storms out of the office telling me to quit being so damn defensive.  What?

Now I am having a cup of tea trying to figure out if I am just too sensitive?  Don't people get defensive when yelled at?  I know I am abby-normal (abnormal) in a lot of ways, but I would think that was just human nature.

In reply to DreamQuestin (msg # 24):

You dared use a person's own notes against them?  Blasphemy!

I wouldn't worry about this.  It said a lot more about her than it did about you and it doesn't sound like you were being defensive.  You were merely stating reality.

Get used to dealing with tools like her and keep handling them the way you did.  Be polite but stick to your guns if you are right.

(That is easier to write than to do by the way.  I have been known to nuke such people from orbit.  It's the only way to be sure the point gets across.)

Warming up the nuclear orbital platform sir.

Just remember that sometimes you can't return to Earth afterward.

Eh, it's not my home planet anyway...besides, it's hot enough today that I think it's drifting into the sun.

In reply to rogar308 (msg # 28):

Its been near 30 all week and it sucks so bad for a Brit in this weather! We aren't used to it! XD

Yup, that I did.


LOL- So true.  I hate to admit it (being female) but it is just that sort of thing that has me not keen to work with my own gender.  Far too temperamental :(.  We tomboys can't cope :)

Thank you Tlaloc.

I've been running on the minimum of sleep (more or less) over the last few weeks, it's hard to rest because it's hot and generally I've been on a bit of a low ebb the last week or so. I spend my days studying database development, and story posting and drawing at night, and that takes up most of my waking life right now. I'm starting to think I need to put a bit more space between myself and the computer again.

I have my next exam coming up at the end of the month so I have to put more time into study. When I pass (I'm not saying 'if'), I'll be an Oracle-certified professional MySQL developer. I enjoy the subject matter but I'm seeing code in my sleep. It's like it's tangled up in my head and I need a really good holiday.. and some real, proper sleep that's more than 4 hours at a stretch. And possibly less caffeine.

An online friend hasn't exactly cut contact with me, but I seem to have fallen on to his 'mostly ignore' list, which is kind of depressing, but I have other, nicer friends who are around and whose presence brightens my spirits.

You'll pass.  :)

Thank you.

In reply to adrasteia1 (msg # 31):

Maybe your friend isn't ignoring you, but just busy/hot/short on sleep also.  Unless you've done something to offend, I find other people don't really think about one as much as you imagine, usually they are just busy doing their own stuff.  Which can, of course, lead to them drifting away, whether as a definite choice, or just a gradual happening.

In reply to DreamQuestin (msg # 30):

And now you know you have someone like that to deal with, make sure you document as much as possible, so that you always have a note or whatever to back up what you are saying.  Always a good idea anyway, especially in this case.

And I don't know that women are more likely to have that kind of attitude, just that they are more likely to be openly emotional about it.  I've certainly dealt with a man who insisted things are the way he remembered, rather than what I did.  He was more prone to do it behind my back though, leaving me without the opportunity to give my version.

You might be right about that, Brianna. I suppose only time will tell.

In any case, everything is fine.

In reply to adrasteia1 (msg # 31):

Oracle databases. *shudder*

Its hot all over at the moment. A lot of us cant sleep. Or think straight. Your friend may not be ignoring you. He may be simply suffering like the rest of us. OR he could know you have a lot of stuff going on and be deliberately letting you get on with it.

If its any consolation - Kudos to you for enjoying working with Oracle Databases. They're the bane of my existance.

It's not so bad. I think Oracle got the rights to MySQL when they bought out Sun, so that sounds about right.

I enjoy it, but we're working with textbooks, WAMP and a DOS prompt - day in, day out. We've only touched upon PHPMyAdmin and Workbench a little so far, because they want us to learn it from the ground up.

It's a really good learning environment though and everyone is friendly. We'll have the MySQL part of the course finished soon, and then we're moving on to PHP and some other stuff.

In reply to adrasteia1 (msg # 37):

Ah well my actual experience is with Oracle (8-10) not MySQL so I guess there's a difference there. Plus, I'm working with .NET not PHP which opens up its own whole new can of worms XD

Ok. Well, I'm sure there's a fair bit in common there.

Have you been doing it for long?

Need advice, Im 22 and my girlfriend is 18, And we found out today that shes pregnant. We have no problem with being able to raise the kid and afford raising it. Its breaking it to our very old fashion conservative parents and friends. We also cannot drive either of us. What would you recommend we do?

There is no easy way, IMO.  But keep in mind that from this moment on you two are in each others' lives forever.  What you do from here should always be about that baby first, then yourselves and anyone else.

Congrats :)

In reply to Andrew Wilson (msg # 40):

No matter how you choose to break it to them, your very conservative parents are going to be upset, and some of your friends likely will, as well.  They'll get over it, most likely...my brother is pretty conservative, and he is still very involved in my niece's life and very supportive of her, even though she's pregnant (out of wedlock) for the third time (and the first one was twins, so this will actually be her fourth child...)

But this is the moment where the two of you have to decide just how important you are to each other, because there's a good chance your parents will pressure each of you to 'stay away from that bad influence' (because, likely, in their eyes, there's no way that their child would EVER have chosen to be so irresponsible on their own...it had to be someone else's fault...)  You can stick close to each other, or you can 'run home to Momma'...but only the two of you can work out which option should count.

When you say, 'cannot drive', do you mean 'don't have a license and therefore can't operate a vehicle?'  Or do you mean 'we're physically incapable of getting a drivers license'?  Do you live in an urban or suburban area with public transit?  Or are you out far enough that getting around by bus isn't much of an option?  I have friends who are/were several years older than you before they got a license.  If the public transit services are good enough, you don't need one.  It's helpful, yes...but not crucial.  One of my old roommates was pushing 30 before he finally decided to bite the proverbial bullet and learn to drive.  It takes a bit more planning and arranging things (and it doesn't hurt if you have friends who can drive that can help you out occasionally), but there are a lot of places where you really don't need a car to survive (when I was in Sweden a couple of decades ago, it was so expensive to get a license that most people didn't bother...of course, the transit systems there were a LOT better than anything I've seen in America, but even here where I live, with our grossly inadequate and overpriced transit service, I got by for half a year without a car.)

no licence, I have to have my grandparents take me to work, they wont let me drive so I can learn how but they complain that I should have my licence by now.

Girlfriend lives with me, I live with my grandparents. We both work.

no parents since I was 11

*grimace*  Brace yourself for a LOT of guilt-trip attempts, too...stuff along the lines of 'What would your parents think?' and 'After all the stuff we've done for you...'  You may have to go the route of going through a driving school to learn to drive, if they won't let you get any experience yourself.

Maybe your grandparents would understand - after all, they were young once, and if you're living with your girlfriend already in the same home as them, they might have considered the possibility before. Conservative doesn't necessarily mean naive. I think they might get a shock when you tell them, but they may settle into the idea more easily after a while. A lot of grandparents like the idea of having grandchildren, after all. I wouldn't be surprised if they ask about marriage, though (as well as a lot of other questions).

I'll tell you how I see it, though the fact you're living with them might not make it financially possible. I'd be looking for a place of my own to live with my partner. I realise there might be a very real reason to save money, but you're adults now and living in a shared home gives little privacy and depending on their age, having a baby living with them might be a bit much.

I'd also advise learning to drive. I'm someone who doesn't drive (at 35), and I'm entirely capable of getting around using public transport and on foot without anyone to drive me. The US is a whole different ball game and you need a car to access a lot of places there. The sooner you begin, the sooner you can get a license and the possibly, the sooner you can get a car. When you have kids, the need for one increases.

But you also have to factor in that doctor's appointments, the birth and raising a child will cost money. If you have medical insurance, that would be a good thing.

It might not work out in your best interests financially to move from your grandparent's, but it's something to at least consider. I don't mean that because of arguments necessarily - if those occur, but because you and your partner, along with your child, will be a family unit.

I think once you break the news to your grandparents and deal with some of the backlash, things might settle again into being okay. Or more okay. Steel yourself for some unpleasantness, but if you're central to their lives, they likely will be there for you both. They drive you now, and they'll probably help you later too.
This message was last edited by the user at 09:49, Sun 21 July 2013.

This message was deleted by the user at 13:21, Wed 24 July 2013.

In reply to ericka rider (msg # 46):

Honey, you're young.  Your friends are young.  Hopefully soon they will get over it all (I agree with you they are being selfish to be mad at you).  This is a happy time for you and Andrew, and  your baby.

Not everyone is going to be supportive, but there are resources out there for both of you.  From what you've said, it sounds to me like both your grandparents will yes be angry, but will help and support you.  Good luck.

I wish I had ginny to hang by me and pick me up when I get low points!

You've been really sound with this very sensitive issue, ginny *pats back*

If there's a will there's a way. Most friends are willing to help out with rides at least once in a while. Not pushing religion here on anyone but most religious institutions offer help in various forms. Perhaps something to check. Extended family, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc may be able to pitch in too. I don't know what the job situation is but if doing something like you both getting jobs at the same place or general location is possible then that could help with carpooling. I believe there are some driver training programs that get you your license which would be something to check into. Also, perhaps a moped or scooter is an option for some days? Just throwing out some options.

ericka and Andrew:  Is marriage an option?  Having a baby is not a good reason to get married in itself, but if it's a possibility otherwise, now's a good time to give it serious consideration.  I know the world is much more accustomed to unmarried parents than it used to be, but there are still legalities and attitudes that deal better with that acknowledgement of your commitment to one another and your future together.  Also as an 'older person' I can say if my 18-year-old granddaughter told me she was pregnant, I'd ask her if she was getting married soon, and for all my belief that marrying because you 'have to' is usually a bad idea, I'd still probably rather she said that was in the plans.  Of course if I were his grandparent, he wouldn't have been sleeping with his 18-year-old g/f under my roof with my knowledge.  (My daughters were a bit horrified with how conservative I was about that, and they were long past 18 when the situation came up.  But that may be a factor in my lack of grandchildren of your age.)

More than anything, you need to talk things all through, and present a united front, as a pair of adults, about what you plan.  You are responsible for another life now, how are you going to deal with that, both short- and long-term?  Can you both live together, and then with the baby, with one set of grandparents?  Are ericka's plans for the fall still going to work now she's pregnant?  Ericka's body is going to change in ways you can't really imagine, and her moods and emotions will probably do the same.  Andrew, it's quite common for a pregnant woman to have mood swings that make PMS look like a picnic, and the added stress of your situation isn't going to help.  (Ericka, this is NOT intended as an excuse of not trying to control yourself, expectant fathers have issues too, even though they aren't carrying a foreign entity in their own body!)

About the driving, your grandparents don't sound reasonable on the subject.  Is there any real reason why they don't let your drive so that you can learn?  Regardless, is there no other way for you to learn, a friend?  driving school, if you can afford it?  Even if you can't afford a car right away, being able to drive a borrowed car would be helpful.

And don't forget in your plans, that babies are demanding little creatures, totally dependent on you for everything.  You can expect to be exhausted for quite a while, possibly starting even before the birth, but certainly for months after.

Good luck!

Apart from the marriage part I agree wholeheartedly with Brianna.
It really comes down to your situation and environment.
Marriage can be a trap needs "Economical independency" clausal agreements written into them depending on both your situations. We cannot know enough about your current whereabouts and possibilities to be able to advise you wisely on the matter.
Too many factors we don't know to be able to mention it as a possibility or know about the consequences and repercussions for you to be able to give sound advise.

My advise:
Sit down and spend several hours talking with one another uninterrupted and, for the sake of all you hold dear or holy; listen!
Only the two of you will know what is right for you.
You already know what that is, but probably haven't realised it yet.
This message was last edited by the user at 21:04, Sun 21 July 2013.

Indeed.  I learned in England that you have a saying, "there is no bad weather, only inappropriate clothing".

But when the weather is so hot that the only appropriate attire is "None", and then it gets hotter still...

I have no idea what a Brit is supposed to do, then.

Carry on and keep a stiff upper lip, I suppose.

It is like this for me, for sure :(

I like Summer, I like the feel of it, the more happy atmosphere, I can even dig the heat... Just to an extent, that's all. I have learned that 28 is probably my upper limit... Because usually the temp is like 10-15 usually and I can deal with down to 0 before I feel really cold... I think I just deal with cold better because I can wrap up or get the fire on etc...

In reply to cero1 (msg # 53):

I dont like the cold.  Its cold here for about 6-9 months out of the year, so when we actually get a summer, I love the heat. :)

We've been in the 90's this past week and I have loved every minute of it.

I just need a car with AC in it now.

Just told my grandparents, Im alive to post so I guess it went well.

Good for you, Andrew. Hows your fair lady doing?

WTG Andrew.  I hope it goes as well for your lady also.

This message was deleted by the user at 13:19, Wed 24 July 2013.

Im happy for the both of you, Ericka and Andrew.  ^_^

Dont worry about your friends.  They will come around soon enough.  Happy times are ahead of you ^_^

In reply to Andrew:

Just to clarify.  Happy times are always ahead of you.

The rough and desperate times are learning experiences.  Times where you question yourself are valuable.  Do not squander them but learn and correct.  This is especially true when a child is on the scene.  I could go on but nothing I can say can prepare you.  All I can say is that there will be suffering and misery.  But there will also be love, happiness, and rewards unlike anything you have ever experienced.

A child does not need money.  It needs love and attention and those are things you can always afford.  Keep it simple and you will be fine.

Consider this, you got pregnant for free.  My wife and I spent five years, multiple surgeries, and around $250,000 out of pocket to have our first child.  The second child was twins and that only cost us around $80,000.  The way I see it, you lucked out.  Kids change your life.  If you do it right they make you better.

In reply to Tlaloc (msg # 60):

I agree heartily with everything you just said.

To also just reinforce it, kids need love. Be there for them as much as you can be. Be the parents you wanted to have growing up yourselves and you shouldn't go far wrong. Also remember, a kid may disappoint sometimes, but they gotta learn somehow, don't hold it against them. Kids act out, but they're just being what they are. Accept they aren't going to be exactly what you want them to be, but everyone wants happiness and to know someone is happy for them. I hope that as they grow up, you remembering that will make you that much more proud of the things they do achive, because they will achieve so much. All people do in their own way.

*nods sagely*

Glad to hear the reaction from the grandparents was in the neutral-to-positive side of things.  Grandparents...even aunts and uncles, for that matter, can be that way.  My extended family is fairly close-knit, and I come from a conservative social background with a strong religious influence...but a lot of the choices I've made in my life, especially in the last decade, have been options that felt right for me, but stuff that I was sure my family would be less than thrilled about (like doing costumes for a burlesque troupe...)  I never tried to keep it a secret, I just didn't go out of my way to tell anyone in my family about it, but so much of my family is on Facebook that it's getting to be fairly well-known (a couple of my nieces think it's fantastic, as I seem to be one of the few people in the family that they feel they can relate to, owing to my apparent 'black sheep' status...)

My uncle, who is now the sole surviving representative of his generation of the family, is the one person who I would potentially expect to frown the most on it.  He's a very spiritual man (I phrase it that way because so many people I know take 'religious' to mean 'preachy about religion') and has actually had several positions of importance in his church.  Every year at our family reunion, he takes me (and several others) aside for a little one-on-one talk...not necessarily in private, but just apart from the group enough that what he says is basically for your ears only.  His words to me?  "I'm proud of you...you've grown to be a fine man and you're doing good things with your life."

So very NOT what I expected to hear from him when I started this particular chapter in my life...

So, I'm glad to hear that Ericka's grandparents, at least, seem to be cut from the same cloth in that regard...you don't have to be perfect to be loved and valued by them.  Whatever choices you make for your lives, be they together or separate, I'm impressed that you took this on the way you did and I'm happy that it's turned out as well as it has.  I hope it keeps going smoothly.  There will be a lot of tough roads ahead...best of luck in traversing them...but know that you are also setting out on creating one of the single greatest joys known to mankind.  I've got several friends who could go on and on about all the things in their lives that they're happy to have...but without a single exception, whenever the topic has come up around them, their kids have always been the top of their list.  (One friend has gone so far as to tell her daughter, on several occasions, "I made a lot of mistakes in my life...but the one thing I did right was having you.")

About five years now.

Erika and Andrew,

Alright I have not paid complete attention to what is going on, and I am glad that your grandparents didn't blow a gasket (I find that people's reactions are seldom as bad as you fear they are going to be so its often better to just bite the bullet and come out with it).

And I am going to take a minority response on this subject, if nothing else than to play devils advocate, but frankly I feel that you both are screwed (please note that I am a middle aged man who does not have, has never wanted, doesn't like, and is quite happy that I never had any kids).  Once you have a child that child becomes your life.

And frankly you have to take a moment and look at your lives, figure out where you are at, where you want to go, what you have to do, where your lives with each other are (because regardless of if you stay together in a relationship you will still be bound), where a child would come into play, and if you even want a child (together, right now, in your lives).  Because I feel that if you don't know or are unsure about any of those things then maybe alternative options should be looked into.

But that's my thoughts and my opinion.  I personal don't think having a kid, especially an unplanned, unwanted one, is a great thing.

If you are happy and excited about this turn of events then I am glad you are happy and more power to you.

I just felt someone should mention the possibility of alternative options.

My first year of my marriage, we got pregnant, and I really wasn't sure I was ready for kids.  I was fresh out of grad school and working at a pizza delivery place.  I didn't have insurance, although my wife did through her job, and then she lost her job.

But she really wanted a kid, and I'd always wanted to be a father, so we had a baby.  I found a job (a durian good one that I didn't deserve) with health insurance, and our little guy was born four months later.

I wouldn't trade the moon for him.

Saint's right, make sure you're really sure about this, because having a child is probably the greatest responsibility one can take on in this life (unless you're, say, the captain of a nuclear submarine or something).

But oh, children are marvels.

So glad the big revelation went better than you feared!  Not just for the moment, but because having your families' support is going to be HUGE in the future.

Just to clarify, I was not suggesting that you should get married, just that you need to discuss, and present a united front on, the subject.  A lot of people, not just ones my age, are likely to consider that you should, and though it's none of their business, it will be easier to deal with if you know what the other thinks.

While you certainly should consider other options than keeping the baby, I see nothing from either of you that suggests you don't want it, or that you aren't committed to raising it together.  As others have suggested, this is a truly life-changing event, in ways you can't even imagine right now.  LOL I always say children/parenting can be accurately described by pretty much every adjective in the language, from ridiculous to sublime, catastrophic to wonderful, but among the things you can't imagine until you feel them, are the joy and the love you will have toward that miraculous little creature, a whole new being with a mind and personality of its own.

And think of it this way - having a child so young means you will still be relatively young when it is grown!  ;-)

I would like to thank everyone who has read my vent and in reading what you had wrote in response it had very much so made me feel alot better.

I just need to get my friends on board with this.

This will be a test of which are your true friends, I expect, especially if you are the first of the group to be having a baby.  That's a big change for friendship too, both in their relationship with you, and in what they think and feel about themselves.  I remember one friend of my husband's who we never saw once I got pregnant, though the circumstances (and ages) were much different from yours.  Give them time, keep in touch, and let them adjust - or not.

It's actually about equal parts of both. Mandatory work training ensures that your manager doesn't need to stand over your shoulder every minute while you're at work, both because it makes sure that you can actually do your job and it makes sure that the company is protected against any backlash should you screw up. So, if you like the idea of being able to work for a few minutes at a time without somebody stalking you around the workplace making sure you don't screw the pooch, it's a good thing.

Your friend sounds like a sociopath. Little or no empathy for other people, even if those other people are so called friends. Sociopaths like to be the center of attention at all times, and they can't stand the idea that those they surround themselves with might pay attention to other people. Sorr to tell you this, but your best friend is probably not your friend at all.

I have a friend like that too and I am still friends with him though not nearly as close as we used to be. I don't think he's come around completely but he's a lot better now then he was like 10 years ago. There's some truth to the adage of 'time heals all wounds'.

This would be a *bad* thing? I'm of the opinion that if stupid people want to try getting killed in stupid ways, we should not deny them either the opportunity or the inspiration.  I'm also of the opinion that it should be well within our rights to watch and laugh our butts off.

In reply to rogar308 (msg # 71):

Well, empathy CAN be learned, but you need to WANT to learn it. It's one of those catch-22 situations. Sociopaths are not born, they are made. Usually by their parental situations as children, and usually when they are very young. Parents who are abusive or neglectful actually deprive children of their natural empathy, and teach them that there are certain solutions to every problem, mostly force and emotional manipulations. Sociopaths are MADE, so then can be UNMADE. They can LEARN to behave differently, but it's a long, painful process of self investigation and evaluation that most people are frankly to chicken to see through.
This message was last edited by the user at 17:37, Tue 23 July 2013.

I worry I might be a sociopath sometimes... Now would a sociopath worry about being a sociopath?

Professors at universities need to do their blasted jobs, or at least get a competent grad student to do it for them.

I'm proofing a friend's dissertation and this guy has been working on it for almost a year now.  It's supposedly gone through multiple reviews by his dissertation committee, yet there are glaring errors not only in format but in the subject presentation.

I've spent almost twenty-four hours fixing this thing with at least another four to go, and I'm afraid I have to tell my friend that one of the survey instruments he wants to use isn't applicable to his study population.  That's something his committee should have picked up on immediately!  Heck, I found out in ten seconds using Google Scholar.

And cero1: No, sociopaths don't give a strawberry tart what other people think about them.  That's part of the reason why they're sociopaths.  :)

Yeah, I'm not a sociopath! Woohoo!

Now to let all my exes know! ;)

In response to the young pregnancy issue, I don't want to come off like a jerk here (probably will anyway) but if I was a friend of one of you two and you told me about an unplanned pregnancy at your age and in your situation, I'd probably be angry too, but not because of some shallow reason like "oh you won't be fun anymore", but rather because of the situation you are bringing a child into.  I doubt either of you thought about the child when you were being so irresponsible.  You two made your own decisions, but that baby hasn't made ANY decisions and is going to have to suffer for your poor judgement, even if you do the absolute best you can for it, it's still not going to be an ideal situation to bring a child into.

It doesn't seem like abortion is an option for you two at all, so we won't even get into that here since that would be a whole other can of worms.  However, I would seriously suggest you two consider adoption.  You two are in NO way ready to raise a child and there are many couples who are ready and desperate for a baby and would give that child a much more solid chance at a decent life than you two could at this point.

In reply to Silver_Cat (msg # 77):

That doesn't make you a jerk. It makes you a concerned friend.
I agree with the Abortion though. Didn't want to mention it in my first post as I know it can be a sensitive subject. But I'm uncertain it is a better option than your adoption thing.
Whether it is a good idea raising the kid or not isn't up to us, but you have grandparents (and hopefully a network) that hopefully will step in and supplement where your weaknesses are. No reason borrowing trouble. But experience? At any time please! ^_^

Just be aware that nothing is going to be the way any of you planned/vision (or "want" if I am going to analyse most of my friends). Get the best out of it and for all you love: Don't ever regret it!

Even if you're not ready, with the right support system in place, a serious commitment to the future and making it work, and a mature focus on the reality of the situation, you may be able to make it work. It won't be easy more than likely, but people are capable of so many things if they mean enough and they're dedicated to them working out.

Consider your options but follow your hearts absolutely in this, or it may lead to regret in later life. No matter what you choose, you can be happy and accomplish many things. One road is harder than the other, but with enough love, help, support and opportunities, I believe you can do it.

I don't have kids, but my impression is life won't be easy no matter what you do (what anyone does).

Dang weeds love the hot weather and rain. I wish I could say the same about the grass. Now a fondly refer to mowing the lawn as going out to mow the weeds...

Bloody headache medicine gives me hot flashes that make it feel like I'm roasting inside an oven and the wife won't let me use the sprinkler inside the house for some odd reason...

In reply to rogar308 (msg # 81):

One thing I've found that sometimes helps my headaches when the ibuprofen alone isn't cutting it is cold-packs on my head.  And thanks to a friend on Facebook, I actually have a good, reusable cold-pack that was home-made...

Take a couple of zip-lock-style freezer bags.  Fill one up part-way with a 50/50 mix of rubbing alcohol and water, get as much air out of it as you can as you zip it shut.  Put it, zip-side first, into the second bag and zip that shut.  Put it in the freezer.  The alcohol mixed with the water won't freeze solid (if the dilution isn't just right, you might get a few odd ice pockets, but it basically turns into a gel as it cools down), so you can put it inside a dishcloth or lightweight towel and use it as an ice-pack that can be re-chilled at your leisure.

I was skeptical when I first read it, but the alcohol/water mix is basically how automotive anti-freeze works, so I gave it a shot.  I'm sold.  On really hot days when my AC can't keep pace with the temps outside, I pull it out of the freezer and move it around on my body as I'm sitting at the computer (ie, for a while, it's resting on the back of my neck, on top of my head, in my lap, etc).  Does a great job and since some of my headaches are heat-induced, it's really good at breaking the cycle on those.  Don't know how well it would do with hot-flashes, but it might be worth a shot...(it's certainly a lot less messy than a sprinkler...)

Interesting. That's a pretty good dang suggestion. I'm not sure I'm going to do it exactly as that but some version sounds plausible. It's weird, I'll get hot for a few minutes and then it magically goes away though I think my overall temperature is a little higher. Most of the time between wearing appropriate cooler clothes and turning down the AC I'm ok but every once in a while I get a heat spike. Your suggestion is a good one that I will try to keep in mind. I know we've got a variety of ice packs, including gel ones in the freezer already. Old age must have kept me from remembering that lol.

Feeling very depressed today and I don't know if I want to hit something,scream or just cry until I have nothing left in me. That is my vent thanks for listening.

In reply to tardis (msg # 84):

I always suggest assessing one's vice, locating it; latching on, and then deciding if one wants to partake in it.  Sometimes mere consideration of one's vice is enough to overcome the difficulties of the day.

Oh I know whats the cause of my problems and that is the reason why I am feeling the way I have for awhile now. *sigh* And there are two many reasons for my feeling this way and for some unknown reason I cannot seem to find a good reason why I don't go see someone for my situation.

In reply to tardis (msg # 86):

Probably not a good response -- but, this is part of why I smoke.

Ya I couldn't smoke and only drink on occasion but I have considered drinking more and more lately. Its just been a really really bad year and I never used to be a depressed person but I am now trust me. And the worst thing is knowing that I am depressed.

In reply to tardis (msg # 84):

I've never tried it for depression, but for cases of really extreme, I-wanna-punch-someone-in-the-face frustration, I've filled a plastic shopping bag about half-full of rags (the lighter weight, the better), tied it securely shut, and proceeded to kick it around as hard as I could until I ran out of steam.

(As it wraps around your foot when you kick it, it becomes very difficult to actually propel the bag away with enough force to break or damage anything, but if you've got lots of very fragile stuff, I wouldn't recommend it indoors.  I didn't at the time...and now I've got so much stuff crammed into my apartment that there's not enough room to do something like that with and degree of satisfaction, though I could always go out back and boot it around the yard.)

That is really good advice and if my old punching bag wasn't in danger of a hole being put in it I'd take out all of my issues on that since hitting that is safer than hitting someone in the face but not nearly as satisfactory and hitting a wall hurts to much. I broke knuckles doing that when I was younger.

I think until I am able to move on past my dilemma I am forced into periods of misery unfortunately.

I used to go bang weights at home or the gym to release stress but now I'd probably end up ripping my muscles badly. Now I'd more likely go for a long walk/hike. Barring that, play some sort of computer game where I can blow stuff up.

Minecraft update 12 for the consoles is taking way to long to come out :C

And the Character DLC for my favorite game borderlands is extremely expensive :C

Yellow jackets.

Nests of them around my house, but more importantly in my rosemary bush.  I didn't realize they were in my rosemary bush until I went to cut some for my lamb stew and pulled back a hand with three stings.  One of the buggers even followed me into the house.

I didn't get all the rosemary I need but I'm not going back out there.  :(

In reply to Evil Empryss (msg # 94):

Get some wasp spray and go out there at dusk.  They've gone into their nest for the night, at that point.  Hose down the nest with the spray and go back inside.  Check it for activity the next day, and repeat as needed until they're gone.  Shouldn't take long...most wasp sprays are residual...if you only get the entrance to the nest, even, they get exposed to the toxins when they come in or go out and it will take care of them.  And it may be multiple nests.  I had an old truck that I left sitting for part of a summer and when I went out to do something with it, I discovered (the hard way) that it had become home-base for a multitude of wasps and yellow-jackets...they had probably a dozen starts on nests in various locations (inside the door frames, under the wheel well, there were four of them inside the camper-shell)...three days and the truck was clear.

Yeah, but they're in my herb garden... I don't want insecticides on my herbs.  I've got a black thumb as it is, I can't afford to lose the stuff that's managed to survive my clumsy attempts at gardening.  :(

In reply to Evil Empryss (msg # 96):

I forget what I used to use (one was an insecticide, but others were safe for herbs), but check for non-toxic ideas.

You can use boiling water.
It's absolutely harmless to the plant, but will cause most parasites to die off.
As for the Yellow Jackets you need to find the nest and smoke them out.

Edit:
These two links seem to know what they're talking about
http://eartheasy.com/live_natwasp_control.htm
http://www.ipm.ucdavis.edu/PMG/PESTNOTES/pn7450.html
This message was last edited by the user at 20:24, Sun 04 Aug 2013.

In reply to Evil Empryss (msg # 96):

I'd look at some safe-for-human options, then, or something that won't be a residual poison.

But, ultimately, I'd rather have a dead garden than have a live garden full of hostile insects that deprived me of the benefits of the garden, anyway...if you can't harvest any of the herbs for fear of getting stung, you're not getting any real benefit from the garden, after all.

Good ole boy method. Cigarette lighter and can of hair spray. You now have a portable flamethrower. Also best accompanied with maniacal laughter and foul language as you viciously roast your enemies. YMMV.

We used to do that to kill the cockroaches in the cupboards when I lived in LA.

Being a NY'er, I was amazed to see how the west coast bugs had evolved a completely different survival technique.

An LA cockroach moves so fast you need an "area" weapon like that to kill it.

A NY cockroach is much slower, but is so tough you need multiple direct hits to kill it.

3 or 4 blows from a phone book, or 2 from a tire iron is usually enough to do the trick.

Not a vent but I would just like to congratulate Ericka and Andrew...
Although I do not have a girlfriend and I'm still a student, I just want to say I hope you, and your child have a wonderful life together.
Although I do not want children (I want my moniez 4 me says internal being) I wish you the best of luck in the future. Best Wishes from me

-Auraxiannc

(Yes I know it rhymed, it wasn't supposed to)

We just rent kids. It's cheaper that way...

In reply to rogar308 (msg # 103):

It's that darned 18 year lease that I can't seem to get out of... :)

I heard that if you rent and they get injured, you lose your warranty....

In reply to bobbofeet (msg # 104):

It's not so much that. It's just.... when the turn out defective, well the returns/exchanges policy is atrocious....

In reply to Jordan Task (msg # 106):

Hubby says I can only return mine if I can put them back in the original packaging.

Nice. Well, you can tell him it might make your nights together a bit more.. challenging with all that luggage back inside. You think he gets the occasional knee or elbow now..he hasn't seen anything yet...

In reply to Evil Empryss (msg # 107):

Remind him he had the original packaging

Tried.  He insists he only supplied parts to the factory. Assembly and delivery were all on me.  :-p

If he'd kept the safety-wrapping on the hardware during delivery, you wouldn't have that problem...

LOL..double nice. I should remember that one.


Shifting jobs at work at the end of the month. I'm hopeful everything should work out but I'm still nervous. It's easy to get comfortable where you're at when you got things down pat. Unfortunately, the work load was getting light and they hinted at reducing the personnel needed for my current project. Boss gave me a good job opportunity that I can do with people I know so I took it. No income benefit but at least I'll keep working for my current pay and I think I'll be helping out the boss because they were trying to find a contractor to do the work for months and couldn't find anybody skilled enough for the skills they wanted. I guess fortunately for me I fit the bill. We shall see...

In reply to facemaker329 (msg # 111):

The lesson here children is NEVER unwrap the package, no matter how much fun you think the christmas toy inside might be....

Sounds like advice for rapists...^

I don't mind volunteering at the library but for the luv of crazy kobolds they need to have air conditioning. Carrying many stacks of books via the staircase is akin to a heavy mech going into overheating mode. So, needless to say I was drenched in sweat. Joy. If that wasn't bad enough, the nice librarian thought it was a great idea to lead the kids in a few at a time to drink and eat the food and drink that was suppose to be for us, the volunteers. Thanks lady. I should have wrung my shirt out on her desk in protest, but no, must grin and bear it.

Noooo! Keep no aircon! It keeps the musky smell of sweaty nerd alive!

Nothing like deciding to change the pricing for the products roughly the day before we commit to a release. And not just the prices mind you put all the product support pages and descriptions that go with it. I hope we got everything but shoot, with so many changes and limited QA testing I wouldn't be surprised if something incorrect slips through. I really don't understand why management can't make a decision and stick with it.

In reply to rogar308 (msg # 117):

Because they have to show their supervisors that they're doing something, and riding you for mistakes you didn't catch looks like management to the monkeys at the top of the tree.  :)

So I decided to take my pedal trike to work today since it's a nice day with no expected rain. As I'm zooming down a steep hill my metal water bottle pops loose from the bracket and goes tumbling. In some sort of bizarre move I try to catch the water bottle and slow the trike ending up slipping off the pedals and running my leg over and/or smashing the pedal into my leg. Ironically, after I finally get the trike stopped and pulled over to the curb and hoof it to retrieve the water bottle an ambulance drives by. I almost waved them down and asked for an ice pack. Banged up my calf pretty good. I told the wife that I might not be able to do the edging of the lawn today and she said no problem you can sand the walls instead. Sheesh...

In reply to rogar308 (msg # 119):

Evil Empryss approves of your wife.  :)

In reply to rogar308 (msg # 119):

Lol

Id do the same thing to my husband :)

If a player leaves, do you think the ST has a right to ask why? Personally, I think the ST should know so they can correct whatever the problem may be. I've never understood why players quit without trying to fix things with the ST.

In reply to rogar308 (msg # 119):

Why are divorces SO expensive?

Because they're WORTH IT!

^_~

jk

All my pathfinder pdfs are gone. Damn my lack of using a back up system and being a scrote.

In reply to PsychoJester (msg # 122):

Sure, I think a GM has the right to ask why when a player leaves.  I also believe the player (well...EX-player, I guess, would be more appropriate) has the right to choose not to answer.  Were I the GM, I would appreciate knowing.  Were I the player, I would likely answer.  But I can think of situations where answering that question would likely be more trouble than it would be worth (anything from 'your best-buddy-this-other-player is a total road-apple and you've consistently not done anything about it'--because leaving the game with an insult really doesn't solve anything--to 'I've had a personal tragedy in my life and I just don't feel like being involved anymore, and explaining all that to you will just twist the knife that much deeper.')

So, go ahead and ask.  Just don't be surprised if they opt to not answer.

In reply to facemaker329 (msg # 125):

I just believe players and STs alike always have room to grow. If a player specifically states it's something I've done then I think it's only right and fair I ask why and they tell me so we can try to resolve it.

If they just say "please remove me," I wouldn't mind them refusing to answer.

Basically, I think if a player quits and says it's b/c of the ST, then they should say why. *shrugs*

I agree, that would be the courteous thing to do.  Too often, however, courtesy takes a back seat.  Sometimes it's simply due to expedience (ie, "No, I can't be bothered with taking the time to do that"), and sometimes it's based on a bad experience--their own or someone else's (ie, "Oh, no--the LAST time I answered that question, I got a five-page steaming pile of verbal abuse in exchange for my two lines of constructive criticism...I'm not going through that again...").

So, like I said, of course you have the right to ask why they want to leave.  Not everyone is going to answer that question, however, for whatever reason, and getting upset if they don't isn't going to improve things any.

What's an 'ST'?

---

I agree it's helpful if a leaving player provides a reason. Sometimes a player will give hints beforehand. Such as being offended by another player, not getting answers to questions, being ignored by others, and the like. Other people are very touchy and despite your best intentions the situation will not work out. For example, providing constructive criticism can really turn some people off..even if it is spot on. Some people are just plain off their rocker and trying to reason with insanity general gains you nothing. In many cases, real life happens and the time the player had suddenly vanished due to whatever circumstances and they need to bail.

---

Wife wants me to spackle the kitchen..again. Sigh. I don't particularly like doing it and it's certainly not my forte. In fact, food shopping is starting to look good...

ST is Storyteller, another term for DM, GM, etc.

What, the whole kitchen?  We only ever used spackle to patch holes in the wall, when I was growing up...

Let's just say the wife is pretty liberal with the term 'hole in the wall'. Which is not to be confused with the one in me head. :)

*grin*  Tell her to stop sticking forks in the walls...

Well I've send plenty about the forking walls but that's a story for another day...

ST = Storyteller. It's what "DMs" are called in White Wolf games. I apply it to all the games because whether you run a dungeon, city or space station, you're a storyteller.

I prefer GM.  Game Master (or Mistress, as the mood strikes me).  :-)

Mistress could be..entertaining. Definitely could have fun with that. I guess I've heard of storytellers before but I didn't make the connection with the ST abbreviation. I'm more familiar with the GM/DM notation.

---

Well I got my kitchen holes spackled yesterday and the 'mistress' was pleased which netted me a scooby snack. Also, I did some spray painting and the wife for once took my advice and put the item in the garage so all the stuff falling from the trees wouldn't get on the item. Once again I missed the opportunity to record her when she said I was right about something. Sigh.

NMD (not my day). I just made it up. Auto repair for my car exhaust issue is over $600. Joy. Then today as I just about pull into work my truck engine light comes on and my truck engine dies. Oh ducky. I mean I'm happy to have a job and all but shoot, I didn't think I'd be working to pay for vehicle repairs.

If my eleven year old boy comes home with a shiner, expect me to come talk to you about it since you didn't bother to call and let me know what happened.  Your son was throwing things, cursing up a storm, and hitting my son and the other boy playing video games at your house.  When I find out the extent of your parental supervision was to tell my son to hit your son back, expect me to not be impressed.

I'm ex-military, you're ex-military.  My kid has ADHD, your kid has ADHD.  Use some of that military discipline you were supposed to have absorbed to teach your kid not to be a little punk.  MY kid does not scream obscenities at me and tell me to shut up when I'm explaining to him what he did wrong; he knows the consequences of being that disrespectful.

I know that you're feeling overwhelmed by your life issues, but that does not relieve you of your responsibilities as a parent.  Put your big girl panties on and be the mother your son needs and stop trying to be his friend.  He needs guidance and discipline, not a spineless wimp who defers to a father who's rarely home.  Please don't expect me to pity you by turning on the waterworks.  I sure won't be sympathetic in then years when your son's in jail because he never learned the basics of self-control.

And finally, you have been warned: my son knows he's not supposed to start fights, but he knows we support him finishing them... so be glad my boy kept his cool and walked away instead of putting a few more gaps in the teeth of your out of control brat.  On top of that, his big sister is spitting nails over someone hitting her little brother (that's her prerogative).  I can't threaten to thrash your kid for his behavior, but at fourteen she doesn't feel the same restraint and I don't doubt that if your boy lays another hand on her brother she'll put the hurt on him.
This message was last updated by the user at 01:28, Sun 25 Aug 2013.

Chimney guy takes pictures today of my chimney falling apart so now I've got those repair costs in addition to the vehicle repairs. I finally clear a few bucks in life so I'm looking forward to actually buying the first brand new car in my life and now money is flowing out faster than I can flush the toilet and say "bye bye poop."

*sigh*  I so look forward to having a landlord (my kids, I expect) who will make sure we have basics like proper water pressure everywhere and hot water also.

Here's a tip: in my universe, my good ideas are good ideas. Any attempts to derail me from my good idea will have disasterous consequences, as the universe in question just adapted to said idea. So when I follow your idea in my universe, bad things happen. And I will get a very nasty attitude.Don't get upset when I do becuase you are making a bad day you created worse. When we're in your universe we'll use yours, 'kay?

3 of the 5 voices in my head agree...

And the fourth kind of mumbles, not even sure it's speaking English ...

In reply to rogar308 (msg # 137):

I know that feeling well, my car just went in the garage for the third time since June. With needing a new washing machine thrown in between visits to the garage. No sodding wonder I'm never out of work unless I'm sleeping.

Yeah, I've spent $300 on new tires and $200 on a new window this year, and it's looking like my alignment's out of whack on one wheel...which could just be bad alignment, or it could be worn out ball-joints (my car's old enough that worn out parts are a very real possibility).  Either way, it's money that I really wanted to spend somewhere else.  Also underscores my recent decision to surrender my annual paintball excursion in the interests of a day-long freelance gig...I'm gonna need that paycheck.

So...I'm just waiting to see how much of the makeup order I put in is going to be second-guessed by our operations manager.  I miss working for people who said, "Y'know, we hired this guy because he knows what he's doing, if he says he needs it, let's get it for him and get out of the way..."  Seems like every year, I have to argue more and more about what I'm ordering and whether or not I actually need it (and then, when it turns out that I DID need it and chose not to order it in order to appease him, I have to deal with the whole issue of him wanting to know why it's taking so long to fix something.  Thus far, I've had the diplomatic skills to avoid saying, "Because YOU didn't want to order it when I asked for it, remember?")

On top of that, I'm also trying to get our artistic director to grasp the notion that NOT using the makeup artists for one of the shows would be a Bad Thing^(tm)...  After all, the reason I was hired in the first place (three years before he joined the production team and six years before he became the man in charge) was because they had TRIED bringing in a professional makeup artist to teach all the performers how to do their own makeup.  They even provided the performers with all the makeup and supplies, AND with a face-chart of where, exactly, to apply what makeup.  And by the end of the first weekend, everyone looked like crap.  By the end of the Halloween season?  Yeah....

So, yes, I understand the concern about makeup going over-time last year.  And the biggest culprit isn't doing makeup this year (although I didn't point that out, because it was my fault for not enforcing deadlines and telling her to talk less and paint more).  But you're trading one problem for another, much larger problem, given the fact that the owners have become EXTREMELY particular about how the band looks on stage (even to the point of demanding a complete change of costume for all the singers for one of the sets they performed over the summer).  You're ready to gamble the owners stopping by and going, "Why do these guys look like a failed attempt at Death?" because you're afraid the first show of the night might start a couple of minutes late?  REALLY?

And I'll try to avoid getting too deep into the issue of being 3 days away from the due date for ordering all of the makeup supplies we're going to need, and still not having heard one word from you about what to get for them, aside from "I need to talk to the owners about that."  If I have to, I WILL back-door you on this one.  The Halloween stuff has always been the part of the year I've loved most working here...it's the reason I got hired on in the first place and I'm not boasting when I say that I am the reason the shows look the way they do, as more than half of the costumes we're currently using were designed (and in some cases, built) by me.  I am VERY invested in what the shows look like, and if I think you're gonna screw them up, I'm going to do something about it.  You're finally putting some good, dark music onto that stage for Halloween, don't drop the ball and only go halfway on this thing.

After reading some of these, I'm a little less angry about the fact that no one will tell me how to level up a character in D20. Not even the GM for that D20 group I was playing in. And got to level 2. So now I have a level 2 running around with level 1 stats. Oh, well.

Which d20 game?

In reply to rogar308 (msg # 148):

D&D. Shoulda known better than to not have specified that.

DnD, ADnD,  3.0,  3.5, pathfinder, or 4.0?

Yes, which version of DND would be helpful as well. Also, which class is your character?

In a nutshell you'll have the following:
hit point increase
skill point increase
class abilities increase

For dnd 3.5 & pathfinder they have free online srd's that can be helpful.

Screwed up my knee the other day....somehow. No idea what I did, one moment it was fine, the next I tried to sit down and PAIN. Been getting better with putting ice on it and staying off it, but man this is getting annoying since a) I'm otherwise fine, not feeling bad at all so I'm inclined to try and be active...and b) I'm used to taking ~3 mile walks every day.

Minor vent compared to other things, but annoying.

In reply to DivineSingularity (msg # 150):

To further clarify, ADnD or ADnD 2nd ed?  I still have some of the rulebooks for AD&D (been so long since I've used them I'm not even sure which ones I have, but I'm quite certain I've got either the DMG or the PHB, and possibly both--and I think they have rules for character advancement in both, for that edition.  Haven't looked to see much of anything in them in...oh...about 25 years or so...)

In reply to facemaker329 (msg # 153):

He did say D20, so that sort of rules out the older systems.

Point taken...so, 3.0 or later...

And if the Hornet is this unfamiliar with the system (like I would be), then she may not know which d20 system she's playing.  If the GM isn't being cooperative and sharing information, Hornet may not know how to answer.

Hornet, if you don't know exactly which system you're playing, try taking a look at the info the GM posted for his game (in the Game Info link), in the game's Player's Wanted announcement (assuming that's how you found the game), or in any character creation PMs you may have.  It's probably in there somewhere.

Broke out with poison ivy today. As if I didn't have enough challenges going on in my life.

Okay, the GM I'm talking about was running Pathfinder. (I have a rogue.) However, I also have unrelated concerns about 3.5. I can't get answers in regard to either, despite asking a few people and searching the interblags. I assume I would have similar difficulty with other versions of D&D, though I have not tried. I have looked at multiple SRDs, but have not found such things.

This message was deleted by a moderator, as it was moot, at 18:32, Tue 27 Aug 2013.

http://www.d20pfsrd.com/classes/core-classes/rogue

2nd lvl rogue:
  BAB goes from +0 to +1
  REF save goes from +2 to +3
  You gain evasion feat & choice of 1 rogue talent
  Skill Ranks per Level: 8 + Int modifier
  Hit Die: d8 (roll 1d8 via die roller or set hp/lvl per GM) + End modifier
  Favored Class Bonus: Choose +1 hit point or +1 skill point

That should mostly cover it.

In reply to rogar308 (msg # 160):

  I believe his problem is with 3.5, so no rogue talent or favored class bonus.

In reply to Jarilye (msg # 161):

Actually, he had questions regarding both! :)

In reply to bobbofeet (msg # 162):

  Ok, I was just talking to him through rMail about 3.5, so I missed that.

No worries, my deleted comment above was about Pathfinder, so we had him covered! :)

I'm now thoroughly bummed that RPoL doesn't have a "free pizza for everybody" policy.

( link to a message in another game, message 576 )

Yes, I saw that.  BBR is a tricky one, getting people to link over to that policy.

I only get spaghetti for dinner, and I had to buy the ingredients myself. :(

I actually followed the link because I had never read the multiple account policy, just knowing the gist of it worked for me.

However, I think that this is the best line of the entire thing.

Well, we might have a Free Pizza for Everybody policy, if people didn't keep violating it. sigh

and what if you so not like pizza?  or can't have pizza?  what about them?

They can give their pizza to someone else to make friends! A gift of pizza is surely worth a circumstance bonus~

Now if that 'icon badge' idea went through we could pizza everybody at will! And if you're bad you get your pizza taken away. And if you're really good you get extra toppings!!

All of these ads for expectant mothers.

Why the hell am I getting them?  I just want to smash my head into something hard to make them go away.  Right now it seems like the internet is laughing at me.  I Can't do it...  why the hell is one of my safe zones feeling the need to tease me so.

In reply to DivineSingularity (msg # 172):

In the settings for your email profile change your gender to "male".  I get lots of, ahem, male enhancement ads and offers to hook up with "local" girls, but almost never anything female-related.

*grin* That doesn't always work...my profile on my email site has been listed as 'male' since the day I created the account.  You'd be amazed at the number of breast enhancement/augmentation ads I've received...*smirk*  (Of course, that could just be spam marketers playing the 'guys are never satisfied with their girlfriends' boobs' angle...)

not sure if it helps but...some ads have phone numbers or numbers you can find easily...call them and like telemarketers you can tell them to remove you from thier contact roster.  That you will be monitoring them and for atleast a calender year they cannot send you spam or anything else.  some areas have it some don't or don't realize they have it.  start talking about them owing YOU money for each dated occurance they will get the message real quick

These phishers already have your email address, there's no way in heck I would let them have my phone number, too.  And have you checked the IP addresses of some of these emails?  The email says it's from Facebook, but I'm pretty sure that Zuckerberg didn't set up shop in the Ukraine.  I wouldn't trust those phone numbers to be accurate, either.

Heh..if I got boobs I might never leave home. j/k

It's amazing how they track stuff now. You look at something and then you get targeted ads about it.

I like the ones telling me that my (insert name of gaming/bank account) account was hacked and I need to follow their link to reset it, and I don't have an account with that game or bank.  Yeah, nice try.

But some of the emails for hookups sound interesting, just from the titles.  ;)

In reply to Evil Empryss (msg # 178):

My favorite attempt, in those lines, was when I got an actual phone call from someone claiming to be with a bank where I no longer hand an account, to collect a fee that I'd paid off before the account was closed.

This was several years ago, so the whole 'There's a problem with your account, we need you to verify your information' ploy was still largely unheard of, but she got an unholy earful after she explained her alleged purpose for calling, as I explained with no small degree of heat that

A)--I had paid off that particular fee well over two years earlier.
B)--The banking institution in question had closed my account (it was an overdraft fee, and they were dissatisfied with how long it took me to pay it off)...and I reiterated that point, loudly...THEY closed the account, not me.
C)--If their bookkeeping was so bad that it took them two years to verify--incorrectly--whether or not a fee had been paid on an account they closed, I was absolutely positive that I didn't want to do any further business with them, and,
D)--If I heard one more word from them about the matter, I would commence legal action.

Not a peep from them since.  And I would really laugh if someone made the same call today, seeing as the bank in question went out of business a few years ago...

In reply to pitademon (msg # 175):

You should never even open those spamming emails, if you recognize them without doing so.  Initiating any kind of contact with them (which your email provider may, or may not, sufficiently protect against happening by just opening, and accessing any links within the message) just tells them they found a live email address among the gazillion they randomly spammed.  Even if they did honour your request to stop sending their particular garbage (and you'd believe them why??) they will sell your address to other spammers.

My ISP has a security slot that allows you to view seperately then knowing the site or company you can contact them not through thier format.  so if company XUZ send you a spam and you know its XUZ you can google or bing it and go through a different source and there sometimes you find phone numbers or other accounts.
now them selling you on a list...that I have not figured out how to stop.  Also though call your local ISP and let them know of the spam, most have a 'geek squad' equivelent and can then figure out how to block them.

geek squad
->I can't help but imagine a group of non-athletic guys pile out of a mini-car wielding mice, trackballs, and keyboards to give some spammer a beat down. Should be a tv commercial.

lol close overweight middle aged tech support guys with buttcrackitis.

*sigh*  More time wasted waiting for someone to come with real estate people to look at the apartment and then not showing up.  And if when I complain I hear something like 'but they knocked! there will be a very nasty reaction.  I have a doorbell, tough it's not very loud; that's why when I'm expecting someone like this, I don't watch TV, I don't move away from near the door.  KNOCKING is the sound that comes from the factory next door, also in the time frame the sound that's rather like a chain saw.  Also my phone number is on the note downstairs, I doubt there's a real estate agent who doesn't have a cell phone to just call if they need to.

If you know they're coming, you could always post a note on your door telling people to ring the bell.

Or maybe a big picture of a finger pointing to doorbell in case they can't read...just sayin'

In reply to rogar308 (msg # 186):

Combine the two suggestions for best results.  :)

In reply to Brianna (msg # 184):

Wait... they say they're knocking on the front door of the apartment? Or of the apartment building?

(I'm imagining the kind of place where the front door opens onto a hallway, which then has doors/stairs leading directly into the apartments -- ie, it would be almost impossible to hear someone knocking on the outer door while inside an individual apartment, even if you're near the front.)

About the apartment: do you own the apartment?  Or does the owner just want you to show it to prospective renters?

In response to various comments: It's a two story building, one has to go to a side door and come upstairs to get to my door.  Since they are already seeing the downstairs they are surely aware that knocking on either the front or back door isn't going to get to me (and indeed not likely to the people downstairs either, even if they are home).  We don't own the building, the landlord is trying to sell it.

*facepalm*

It sounds like they really don't want to see the place, and are using "we knocked!" as a convenient excuse to skedaddle.

Gotta love getting massively depressed for no apparent reason.

And by love I mean hate.

And by hate I mean apathy, because that's really the only emotion I can muster up the energy for. Whee.

Too much leftovers from Labor Day weekend party. Oh my gosh, I think I'm going to detonate from food pressure.

Table top gaming the next day was sure fun but I was so discombobulated I decided to play a simple 'shootem' character as that was about all my brain could handle at the time.

Its only the second day of school and already the mean kids are showing their ugly faces.  My seven year old came off the bus today with tears flowing down her face like a faucet running.  Two girls were picking on her on the bus ride home, and I know who they are because we've had problems with them in the past picking on my daughter.

I have to give her older sister props though for wanting to stand up for her baby sister.  She charged onto that bus ready to kick some butts.  I got her off before she could do anything and told her to walk her sister home while I talked to the driver.

Is it really that bad these days that parents are raising bullies at such young ages?  I mean really people, teach your kids some respect and manners.

well you could talk to the schools principle or education director for your area.  Remind them that bullying should not and is not tolerated.  If those parents and the school (as well as the bus company) cannot prevent this then you can hit them monetary wise.  Keep records and dates, if the bus has a video camera get a copy of the tapes (and if not suggest they should).  You can also start by contacting the police in your area too, especially if the bullying is physical.
Ultimately though your daughter will need to learn how to stand up to them.

its bad because many parents still think that 'it takes a village to raise a child' garbage.  They don't realize that means your kid is raised by the village idiot.  Parenting meants that...parenting, not letting your kids raise them selves like wolves.  Boundaries need to be set and to remind the children that you are in charge of the family not them.  Unfortunately  some think that if they deny thier child anything thier creativity will be stunted or won't develope properly, or that its 'just a phase'.  Anything to not have to look at the reality of what they are doing.  Only way to stop it is to remind those parents that they are the parents and to hold them accountable for thier childrens actions.

I talked to the driver and he said he was going to give the tape to his boss and that things would go from there.  Now I just have to sit and wait and see if they actually do anything this time.  Last year they wouldnt do anything because they couldnt see anything on the tapes.

I will go as far as I have to to protect my children if the schools cant or wont.  Even police involvement.  The bus is full of kids from K-5, and I think the bully is only a grade or two above my Peanut.  My daughter doesnt like to fight with anyone, even yelling fighting, but she will protect herself when it comes to physical attacks.  She's got my temper.

Is the older sister as big or bigger than the bullies?  They could find themselves in a very unpleasant situation if they get her riled up again and you aren't there to redirect her like that...

In reply to facemaker329 (msg # 197):

I really shouldn't have eaten an entire block of Velveeta Cheese.  It's OK though I made up for it by drinking a whole gallon of Apple Cider.

My oldest is in 6th grade and has to walk to and from school so she's not on the bus anymore.  She is bigger than at least one of the bullies, but Im not sure about the other one.  She's like I was at that age with my own sister.  No one is allowed to be mean to her baby sister except for her.  Someone will see just how true that really is some day.

Shiv, that doesnt sound too healthy *raises an eyebrow*  I hope you feel okay after.

So the wife decides that we need to do our Wills before going on vacation tomorrow. That in itself is not a bad thing it's just the timing could be a bit better. Spent lunch at the bank then had to ask for additional time to get a notarized affidavit since the bank wouldn't do it. Seemed like half the morning was spent reviewing and updating beneficiaries for various accounts and we're meeting with the life insurance agent this evening. A bit stressful trying to get real work done in between all the other tasks.

In reply to rogar308 (msg # 200):

Sounds as though you needed to update a few things and the vacation/will was the push to do it.

There is certainly truth to your statement. And, all this will have to be revisited again as I want to set up trusts for the nieces and nephews which I didn't have time to do this time around. Naturally this will only occur if both the wife & I pass at the same time. I'm surprised she hasn't succeeded at smothering me with the pillow yet as she could probably retire and live comfortably.

I can apparently get thrown into a week's worth of quiet contemplation from reading an advertisement for a fancy metal crayon that lasts the average user one (1) lifetime. How screwed up does my life have to be for a writing utensil to make me get all moody?

AN ever-lasting crayon?  That is awesome!  You never have to leave your childhood behind!

Harumph. I thought that's what Legos were for...

And Lincoln Logs

Ok, I bet this has been posted before but I want to say it today because I am bored waiting on some games I am to actually have posts in threads that I can move along. Anyway my vent is this....

Why is it some GMs can never respond to an RTJ with a simple, games full, sorry don't like your concept, or even, hey your concept needs these corrections to be considered. I mean it is a simple courtesy, right?

Don't get me wrong I am sure with a very popular, and even fast moving, game the Gm might not have alot of time, and looks over the RTJs and just responds to the approved ones vs. the ones he thinks stink. But really does it take more than 15-20 seconds to post thanks but you are not approved? What are you takes on this topic?

There's no excuse for not giving someone a simple "Sorry, but we're full up right now" or "Sorry, I haven't got a lot of time to look over your submission right now, but I'll get back to you when I can."

Heck, it only took me a few seconds to type both of those.

If the GM is actually logging into the game, then it's rudeness, plain and simple.

Then again, my Momma raised me right.  You never know what wolf pack some people come from.  :p

Non-response is one thing, which is rude as Empryss says, but I have also been stunned by the actual responses.  If a person merely floats an idea to see if it will fly in the game, do you have to berate them for not following the letter of the RTJ rules you have laid out?  It wasn't really a request to join, merely a question on the viability of a character concept.

Not to mention that if you are indeed so very, very busy you shouldn't have the time to write a drawn-out dressing down of the person who has violated you by not following those hallowed rules of the RTJ.  The same effort could be used to simply write, "Please refer to the RTJ rules and your concept will be considered."  Nothing rude there and it gets the point across.

Oh Tlaloc I have had that, too. I won't mention the name, but in their RTJ thread they didn't even have the points posted that my concept violated, and I got beaten up one side and down the other. I was offering a redneck *good ole boy* who had a .22 rifle in his truck for rabbit hunting after work and on the weekends and got slammed for having guns on my character when he had said no guns in some other thread. I said we could just drop the rifle, that I wasn't aware of that not being allowed due to it not being in the RTJ or character creation threads and could we go from there. My response from the GM was just to blow me off with basically a cya loser reply.

At least you find out before too much time and effort on character creation that this isn't a GM you'd want to play with.

Well it was freeform, so that was my character creation. Funny thing on that one, THAT GM, has a lot of on going games so he must get players. I just can't figure out why so rude.

That GMs may have a lot of games going, but they might be all with the same cadre of players who are used to the GM's 'tude.

Quantity doesn't always mean quality.

yeah, that is true. I see the same GM looking for games to play in all the time, too. So I guess he has a hard time getting into games, too.

Karma.  Sometimes people don't get it, even when she slaps 'em with all six hands.

Sometimes I look at it, might respond later than forget about it. A reminder helps if you have not heard from me.

Sadly that has happened to me once or twice.  Usually when I'm checking games on my phone since I almost never respond from it but rather wait till I get home.

What I normally do if I think a GM forgot about my request is tack on another question - whether it matters very much or not - so it shows up as having new messages but I don't come across as rude for implying they've forgotten if they really haven't.
Sometimes something as simple as: If I do get accepted, which thread will I be joining? Or something about the character, like: I said this, but can I change it to this? about something like appearance that doesn't matter too much.
Usually that keeps GMs from feeling like I'm pressuring them to decide.

I don't consider waiting a day or three to be excessive... and I will usually nudge (or expect someone to nudge me) at the three day mark.

But a week or more without an answer when I can tell the GM has logged in every day?  That's not right.

I've joined games where the only acknowledgment I got that my RTJ had been approved was the sudden appearance of my character on the cast list.  Never heard a single word in response to the RTJ, just, one day, I look at the list to see how many players there are now and try to judge whether or not I still have a chance, and SURPRISE!!!, there was my character.

(This was, of course, the same GM who, before even wrapping up the first scene of the game, decided to abandon it...after three weeks without a GM update, players just started walking away.  I didn't walk off until I saw another ad, from the same GM, in the WP forum, for a game practically identical to the one they'd just dumped...)

I take rude or lacking GM responses as a warning that this is not a GM with whom I'll enjoy playing, and I HAVE notified a GM, after waiting a couple of weeks for some kind of response to my RTJ, that I've found another game that interests me more and they can delete my RTJ.  It's not a lie...at that point, I'd rather play solitaire on my computer than put up with a game where the GM doesn't show any regard for the players.

http://rvtravel.com/blog/rvnow...r-vent-2b-785524.jpg

Found out tonight a gaming buddy of mine from years back passed away from cancer this weekend. I only knew him online, and I hadn't chatted with him in years, but I still remember the games he ran and how I met many of my current buddies through his games.

I wish now I'd taken the time to keep in touch over the years.

That's rough...I can think of several people I used to game with that I wish I had more contact with.  There's a couple of them that are Facebook friends with me...but that's an occasional thing, at best, and there are several others that I just plain old have no information about anymore.  In spite of that, I know part of me would feel crushed to hear bad news about any of them...part of me is still worried sick about my old roommate, whose wife moved out after he'd been unemployed for so long that he could no longer afford his mood disorder medication and started having bouts of extremely hostile moods.  That's one of those things that can easily turn into an accelerating downward spiral, and I really hope it doesn't...I only see him once every few years, but he's one of those guys who, when we meet, after the first half-hour or so of 'So, what've you been doing since last time?' we feel pretty much like we've never really been apart that long.

I know I live in the South, I know I'm sick and walking with my cane today, but if one more home improvement store good ol' boy gives me that "maybe you should get your husband to come in little lady so we can explain how to use this", someone's going to get kicked in the plums.

I grew up doing renovations on my dad's rental homes, everything from laying carpet and tile to roof repairs, dry wall patching, and basic electrical and plumbing.  I was a machinist/welder in the military, so I can bloody well solder a simple copper pipe without having the process explained to me in a condescending tone.  Now rent me the fruiting drywall sander and get your manager over here now.

Next kid that does that, you should ask him if he can recommend a good amperage setting and welding sticks to put together 1/4" plate steel...and when he stops to think about it, tell him you want somebody competent to help you.  *grin*

I wish they were kids.  I could chalk that up to ignorance.  These are older guys, dinosaurs who need to die off to clear the air for new ideas.  You know, novel concepts like equality of the races and the sexes.

Except they don't know you. Though I would ask if you did know what you were doing first.  I would do that to anyone I was not familiar wanting to handle something heavy., espwcially if you knew a few of your own buddies cutting off digits on something they thought they knew. And most likely, 90% of the woman they may meet in thier cultures would fit perfectly on the day time tv shows. And would not trust to know the proper mix for argon welding.

I wasn't even talking about welding: I just needed solder to replace the shutoff valve on a toilet.  All I wanted to know is where they were in the store.  When I ask specifically for what I want and I'm not the least bit confused by the array of choices on the shelf, back off.  Same goes for the drywall sander I wanted to rent.

I don't mind an employee having due diligence to make sure the customer doesn't kill themselves, but once I confirm my understanding of the procedures it needs to stop.  It isn't asking me if I know what I'm doing that I have a problem with, it's doing so in a condescending tone of voice and then looking shocked that I'm not some stay-at-home soccer mom whose skill set is restricted to the "womanly arts" of cooking, sewing, and baby making.  Calling me "little lady" and suggesting my husband should be the one doing the work is way out of line for the 21st century.  Hubby's a great psychologist, but he couldn't solder a pipe if it meant stopping the next Flood.

I don't know why I'm still surprised by the attitude; I see it all the time around here.  A couple of weeks ago I needed to buy a battery for my car.  I took my teen daughter with me and when the guy offered to install it for me I politely said "No, thank you.  I'm going to teach my daughter how to do it."  The guys was boggled and kept asking if I knew how to do it.  Seriously?

I refuse to support learned helplessness.

In reply to Evil Empryss (msg # 228):

*sigh*  I'm being reminded again about the guy at the TSR booth at GenCon a number of years ago.  When I went to buy something, he asked 'For your son?'  I told him it was for me, and I might let my daughter use it.  Unbelievably, he was still there the next year and said exactly the same thing!  Guys like him are one reason women get turned off RPing.

In reply to Brianna (msg # 229):

Really? I always thought it was the lonely-heart nerds who kept hitting on them.

It is a lot of things.

Yeah, but the good ones stay.  :)

<sigh> I love women gammers. Moons ago I fell in lust with this lovely klingon woman in full ridged costume. She even offered to take me home with her and make me her pet. LOL Cos-play was in its infancy back then but she really did fill out her costume well.

I am glad more and more women are playing RPGs, too. It for sure defeats the sterotyping like that cellphone comercial used to protray. Even if I thought it was funny. LOL

In reply to Necromis (msg # 233):

No doubt.  RPGs need more chicks to make us sammiches!

Just kidding.  Having grown up with three older sisters in a family pretty much dominated by women I have a healthy understanding of the equality, and sometimes superiority, of women.  One might say it was beaten into me at an early age.  Hell, my Grandmother was a cop.

Having two daughters, I am definitely working on boosting their understanding that you don't need a man to attain your dreams.  Just the other day I was called to school because my daughter beat up a bully.  I told the VP that I saw nothing wrong with a girl standing up to boy who is tormenting her and she agreed with me.  Off the record of course.  I then had to explain to my daughter that even though her actions were justified to me, she still had to suffer the consequences.  I also explained that I was proud of her for standing up to a boy who was about five inches taller and 25 pounds heavier.  The boy, I think, was in bigger trouble with his Cro-Magnon father for getting beat up by a girl.

In reply to Tlaloc (msg # 234):

*high-fives Tlaloc for empowered parenting*

I'm sure he got an earful about that...but a lot of the 'more aggressive' fathers I've known (a scant handful at best) would also be way beyond annoyed that he'd been picking on a girl in the first place.  That would be bad enough.  Getting beat up by her?

Let's just say I'm glad I wasn't present in that home that evening.

In reply to facemaker329 (msg # 236):

I have a feeling, having heard the man talk to his wife, that the boy has learned his low opinion of females at home.  His boy has been disciplined numerous times for picking on girls and boys smaller than him.  The boy needs a foot in his apple but it should be put there to improve his behavior, not just for embarrassing his father.
This message was last edited by a moderator, as it was against the forum rules, at 16:55, Thu 19 Sept 2013.

That much, I can unequivocally agree on.

WOOT FOR GENDER EQUALITY MAN!

I was talking to one of my friends the other day and overhead some danish insulting this girl, girl kicked in right in the blueberries, so funny, he shut up.
This message was last edited by a moderator, as it was against the forum rules, at 16:53, Thu 19 Sept 2013.

I miss video rental stores.  I understand Netflix and Redbox are better deals, but I liked walking through the store picking out a title.  I really liked that if there was a problem, I had someone I could talk to face to face.  Once it took three tries before we got a DVD from Netflix that wasn't scratched, we watched the movie about two weeks after we wanted to.  If that happened in the store, we'd just walk over and grab another copy, same day.

In reply to Werehunter (msg # 240):

I agree, I miss our local Blockbuster, it was a great place, with great people.  I could get opinions too, from someone I knew.  We'd got to know one another's taste pretty well, and though we often didn't agree, we had a good idea if the other would like/not like our latest discovery.  And it was way cool when I found one he hadn't watched (didn't happen often).

In reply to Werehunter (msg # 240):

It was a good excuse to get out of the house anyhow.  Nowadays it's too easy (and tempting) to simply stay in and never see the face or hear the voice of another human being.

Old friend is getting married and stuck me in the wedding party which is kewl. Tried on tux today and the jacket sleeves were short. So the guy at the place was like, well they are supposed to be short to show off the cuffs. I'm looking down at my jacket and I'm pretty sure not only the entire cuff was visible but a good part of the shirt sleeve was visible. Sticking my arms out only accentuated the problem. I looked down at them and then him several times before he finally relented and decided to have the jacket sleeves lengthened. Good choice mate. :)

---

Wife tee'd me off today. Yes, it's the little stuff in life. I don't know why but it just is. So, today she's like why don't you eat the leftover hotdogs for dinner. I'm like fine. But here's the catch. They are buried under a mountain of stuff in the fridge with no room to put the stuff anywhere. So, I'm like why can't you move the stuff so I can get to them. She told me to do it. So I told her you don't want that cause I'm gonna put it on the floor. Apparently she thought I was joking. Her mistake. I don't bluff. I'd make a horrible poker player. So I put the stuff on the floor, retrieved my hotdogs and made myself dinner. Oh, I did forget to mention a jar of salsa flew out of the fridge and nailed me in the leg as well. That got added to the stuff on the floor pile. She saw it and naturally got all bent. Maybe the 'I told you' routine didn't help but heck, the fridge shouldn't have to be a daily game of jenga either.
This message was last edited by a moderator, as it was against the forum rules, at 05:43, Wed 25 Sept 2013.

You need a dog.

Food placed on the floor has a half life measured in nanoseconds.

Food goes on floor.

Food vanishes mysteriously.

Dog snuffles around looking for more, then wanders away.

Nothing to put back in fridge.

Problem solved.

In reply to Eur512 (msg # 244):

Too true. Went on holiday recently without said dog, and I had to sweep the floor after the children had eaten!

SCREAM  So now my daughter has to go all the way to England to sign papers saying she really did own the place there, and they should release her money?  OK, I can sort of understand that they don't want someone who is not the owner taking the money, but where was the lawyer? and the bank? all this time?  This sale has been in the works for months, and no one noticed until now that this was required?  It still would have been expensive for her, but probably not quite as bad as an emergency flight, her time off work without notice (luckily her boss is a sweetheart but still!) and the hold up on getting the new place (where we are supposed to be moving ASAP).

<vent>
For the past month, the plan was for my roommate and me to leave our current home, as our third roommate is leaving for Japan this Thursday. Saturday, around noon, my roommate had guys with trucks to help move our stuff to the new apartment. He then tells me that he decided the apartment was going to be for him and his girlfriend. This would be perfectly okay, if I didn't have to find somewhere else to live, and get all my stuff out by Sunday, and he refuses to put me up til I can find a place. WTF, bro!? I thought you were one of my best friends!?
</vent>

In reply to ShadeTheFallen (msg # 247):

Reckon he isn't your best friend.  Good thing you found out now.  The fact that he did this... dicey... maneuver to you is an indicator of his non-existant character.

Some bros do not understand the rules.

You don't have a joint lease or rental agreement with your name on it, do you?  If so, he can't do that*.

*Your legal mileage may vary depending on the state/country you live in.

In reply to Evil Empryss (msg # 250):

That was always one of my rules.  No name on a lease, phone bill, electric bill, etc.  You want the ability to leave at a moment's notice.

We're military, so there's that whole "orders can break stuff" thing.

Not that this will mean a whole lot for anyone one here, I suspect, but...if I ever turn into 'that friend'...the one who only ever contacts you when he needs something...slap me, hard.  Tell me why after you've gotten my attention.

I seem to have developed quite a following of those friends, lately...I don't think they even realize they're doing it, either.

In reply to facemaker329 (msg # 253):

I've got a few friends in Real Life like that, and while I like to think that I'm not that kind of friend, It's easy to get wrapped up in out wn little worlds and not remember that we hadn't spoken to our friends for a while until we need them. So I can sympathize.   As long as they don't make a habit of it, I try to be tolerant.

In reply to facemaker329 (msg # 253):

As nuric said, it's easy to get busy, and only remember someone when you need help.  But if you were the one who called them and needed help, would they come through for you?

It's those who make it a habit and never return the favor you should worry about

Fruit cancer right up its fruiting apple. That is all...

I got moderated for misspelling the abbreviation of refrigerator. I tried for a time to grasp the reason but failing to do so I've decided to not worry about it and just accept that the site has some seriously strange regulations.

---

Curses for AC Moore store for having 55% off coupons. It seems like every time they have one the wife drags me out. I think I now have most of the location of their stuff memorized...which I find disturbing. Oh well, I suppose their are more important things to worry about.

My little vent of which I'm sure some people will agree on...

Everyone in my games posting at times when I have to sleep or when I do come on, the people that are in my time zones aren't posting... So I'm refreshing and sitting with time to burn and no new posts are coming up...

The law of the land, isn't it really?

XD

Agreed.  Most of my co-gamers and STs are either from Down Under or Scandinavian.  Great gamers, just gotta take it as it comes.

I have multiple games where I get to write with great partners who write great stuff... I just wish I didn't have to get one post from them that happened whilst I was in bed and I wake up to when I come on the site to reply to before waiting for the next day again :)

Though I'm sure the other players wish they could do post after post with me too... ^_^'

It takes dedication (and a touch of insanity) to stay up 'till all hours of the night to get those game sessions in, but that's what hardcore gaming is about, right?

In reply to Evil Empryss (msg # 262):

I do that a lot, knowing I have to be awake early every morning.  There are nights I have stayed up until 2 am waiting for my writing partner so we can have a good session.  Then there are days where we're lucky if we get that one post in for the day, then have to wait.

I am a very dedicated gamer ^_^  (And a touch insane too ;) )

In reply to ginny (msg # 263):

I'll be honest, thats how I get most of my posting done here now and I'm pretty chill about it now too :)

Im used to it now too.  Im surprised if I find someone in the same time zone as me to game with.  :)

I have come across a few now... So I think I have a good mix. Just sometimes I log in and I have nothing else to do (bored and don't wanna flick the PS3 on, or I've just come off it) and nothings happening! XD

So I'm keeping an eye on Players - Wanted and thinking the cure is joining more games... XD

ugh, gotta love it. My LG front-load washer decides to stop spinning yesterday. 10 yr warranty on the moter but labor is probably gonna kill me.

my friend had the same issue with his 4 yr old LG and labor was covered as well

be glad for the good warranty

they are only ONE YEAR now! :-O

yeah, we got it in 09 and 4 years in it is messing up. I am hoping labor only runs a couple hundred vs. 600+

In reply to Necromis (msg # 267):

My washer and dryer are 25 years old.  Many appliances can be kept running long past the warranty date with a relatively easy repairs, and you can often find the specifications and instructions on the internet (and sometimes, a video walk thru on you tube), if you are up for those kinds of adventures.

Note, though:  Companies that sell new appliances have no incentive to help you repair old ones.

Companies that sell repair PARTS, though!  Aha!  They have LOTS of incentive to help you!  That's why those walk thru videos exist!

So the game is to find the part you need to replace, and then find some other supplier of it.
This message was last edited by the user at 16:01, Mon 07 Oct 2013.

Or find a skilled friend that works for beer.  I do the plumbing, another friend does electrical, and another one is a mechanic.  Between the three we can do most anything.

Sounds like the basis for an adventure group. Plumber class, electrician class and mechanic class. Maybe an A-Team type game. :)

I miss those days when we'd hang out, work on cars/vehicles, make our own dinner, and play roleplaying games to all hours of the night.

I hate things. And people. That's just kinda who I am. However, I'm hating a disproportionately large number of things right now, and I don't like that.

In reply to HornetCorset (msg # 273):

I don't have any good advice, but perhaps this will help:

http://infinitysnaps.com/post/5931

So many good, fun (and possibly harrowing) ideas but nothing i can do about it since I do not own the game.

I always thought that if beavers evolved intelligence and then created an RPG, half the book would be about describing various mechanical tasks in game terms, there would be pages listing and describing tools and hardware(with the gold piece value of each), munchkins would put all their points into Welding, and the combat rules would be "Roll a die.  Add your combat skill".

"What?  How did you get that?"

"That's not all!  He's a Sliburvian Gnome, which is an additional PLUS TWO with SHEET METAL!"
This message was last edited by the user at 15:33, Tue 08 Oct 2013.

Power supply on my desktop computer died just before the weekend.  Not a huge problem, because I have a couple of laptops (I keep one at work because it's newer and will play all the DVDs that I've tried to watch, where my old one will sometimes (often) refuse to read them and often even forgets that it's got a DVD drive at all.)

But my old laptop is SLOW, by comparison, and it isn't helped any by the fact that prior to this weekend, it hasn't been connected to the internet for half a year.  Everything is trying to update at the same time...

The frustrating thing is, all of the 'automatic update' routines go to their website to check for available updates...and then just keep cycling, indefinitely.  I left my laptop running all night in hopes that the Windows Update site would FINALLY spit out a list of updates I needed to get.  Finally just said 'screw it' and turned on the automatic updates option and figured it would catch up at some point.  Having similar issues with the Firefox add-ons...even though I specifically went to Adobe's page and downloaded their latest versions of Reader and Flash, Firefox doesn't recognize they've been updated because, apparently, I didn't go through the Firefox page to get the updates.

I love the fact that computers have become so versatile and can do so much...but I really resent the fact that, when something isn't working right, it's such a headache to fix the problem.

For flash, are you sure your firefox browser is updated enough to support the new flash update?

Unless you're planning on visiting strange sites and downloading strange things (or suspect you have strange things already downloaded which will do other strange things) there's not much point in updating the whole of Windows. Almost all updates are security updates for the latest internet security holes of the week, and stability updates for products you'll never use in the first place.

Same for any other automatic update. Unless the update is addressing a real problem, there's no real point getting an update. Except for security concerns, if a program ain't broke (for you) don't try to fix it.

My desire to update windows is to get rid of the annoying notices that its out of date.  I generally visit about seven or eight websites with any regularity...Yahoo for email, here, Facebook, eBay, Amazon, Paypal, my bank, and a few of the vendors that we order stuff from at work (because I can no longer use the computer at work...some brilliant soul decided that even though I'm the one who orders all of our makeup, and the tights we use, and shoes, and a few dozen other things, the only computer I have regular access to should no longer have internet access.  So I have to do all of that stuff at home, now, which is where I used to do it before my boss got frustrated with me coming to work late because I was looking online for order information and told me to use the computer at work...*rolls eyes*)

I'm not terribly worried that I might somehow compromise my system security, and I actually had a moment of glee when I saw something about Microsoft discontinuing support for XP (because that means I'll stop getting fifteen updates to download every two weeks, or whatever their ridiculous update schedule is).

There should be a way to disable the alerts for that in the security area

There probably is...I'm lazy enough that I'd just as soon update everything as I would go hunting for the proper settings.  While I consider myself relatively mechanically inclined, I'm noticing that more and more often, that intuitive understanding of how things work goes right out the window when it comes to computers, on many occasions, as I will spend hours looking for stuff in places where it seems only natural, to me, to find it.

My latest frustration?  Finally got Firefox to the point where it's downloading the updates for at least some of the add-ons I want to update...it'll download, I'll start the software running, it'll run for a couple of minutes...and then it just disappears.  Rather than updating itself, it's apparently deleting its own update package...and I don't have the time to sit there and figure it out this week.

Your endless download loops sound more like poor connection issues to me, though I can't rightly diagnose from here.

It's a while ago, but when Windows XP asks you for updates, there's an option like "Custom" or "let me choose the updates to install" on the popup it gives you or in Control Panel > Windows Update (or is it Control Panel > System > Windows Updates?)

If you tell it not to download the things and not to ask you about it again, it won't. Or you could just turn off automatic updates entirely.

I thought it was a connection issue, as well, but I think it's something else (what, I don't know...maybe a gremlin or something...)  For instance, I powered up my laptop a few hours ago, and left it sitting while I was taking care of a couple of other things.

When I got back to my machine, I found that the Microsoft downloads were 94% done...yet, now, three hours later, not only has it not made any progress, it's now saying that it's back down to 0%...and has been for well over an hour now.  *shrug*  It's not stopping me from doing what I need to do, updated or not.

Just use the Google chrome browser. I previously used Firefox but it's become such a pain in the butt I've switched over to chrome. I've been much happier with chrome now for several years.

I'm seriously considering it, despite my disdain for the way Google has become the new Microsoft in trying to have its fingers in all aspects of my computing life (I didn't realize how wide-spread it really was until I put a script-blocker on my other computer and saw just how many websites are running scripts for Google Analytics...)

Benefit election time of year again. Oh joy. I wonder what fun surprises we'll have this year...

*sigh* A game I'm in gets up off the ground, looks like it will be a good one, not many issues, everything working out well - and then the GM deletes it without a word of warning, when less than two days had gone by since the last post. There wasn't even really a slow down... no conceivable reason for it to be deleted, except by a whim of the GM.

Rather irritating, I must say.

In reply to PrettyBirdie1 (msg # 287):

I know what you mean.   I'm still bitter about a game that the DM deleted a game without telling us because he was "too embarrassed to tell us that he was too busy to run it".

The price of getting health insurance through my company is about to triple.

That happened to me twice to be honest! Two games I was playing in were abruptly deleted with no warning from the respective GMs. One had a major slowdown because the GM hadn't posted in about two weeks and we were stuck without him/her progressing things, and the other one truly ended for no reason. The cast was small at five characters, posting was a tiny bit slow but healthy, and he just outright deleted it. Irritating :X...

Hot dang. We're having our benefits open enrollment meeting tomorrow so I guess we'll find out the 'good' news. We've been expecting some increase in cost but nothing on the order of that level! Yipes!

Don't panic.  My sister's insurance went from $22 to $64 a month, but then she got a discount for filling out a health form and agreeing to go to her GP before hitting up a specialist and that dropped it back to only $13 a month, so it was a win for her.
This message was last edited by the user at 17:52, Mon 28 Oct 2013.

I'm panicking. My company offers two healthcare plans. The cheaper one (the one that I use) currently costs me $40 a month. With the new plans and cost system they're using, that exact same plan will cost me about $110 a month. And that's not including dental or vision (the latter of which is definitely needed). The only benefit I get from any sort of health assessment is getting a bonus allotment to a Health Savings account. Which is nice, but it doesn't lessen the fact that I'm already more or less living from paycheck to paycheck. An increase in health insurance costs like that could leave me in serious trouble.

I would see what my options are via the healthcare.gov site, but the site is all screwy, and not expected to be fully functional until late November. Which would be past my company's enrollment deadline.

A quick look at other private insurance options doesn't really do me any good. Nothing is substantially cheaper or more convenient.

*sigh*  So we're into the midst of moving, finally have a 'new' van (I was without a vehicle for several weeks when I should have been going back and forth, preparing the new place, and moving what I can), but now it's getting colder which means my husband's fair weather boy toy car needs to go into winter storage, leaving me without a vehicle most of the time.  Today it's raining, the bathroom in the new place isn't even started, and to top off everything, my flu shot appears to have given me a mild dose of flu (at least I hope that's all that's wrong)!  Not enough to be a big problem in normal circumstance, but a huge handicap when I should be going full tilt, not feeling like I should be resting, not having to be so careful in case I have another dizzy spell.  *sighs again*  Way too much to do in the time we have even if I were well!

Did one of the hardest things ever today. Sat down with the "son" of the family I've been helping (homework, parent teacher meets, zoo trip) to discuss about us all soon going different ways. My conversation was aimed to stress to remember what it was like for him to have had a father. That in future years he would have that example from the good times we once all shared here. It is to be expected that there was the "but you are not my real dad". I understand him expressing that. Where he is from it is quite common for the father to get a teenage girl pregnant then the male runs away never to be involved (As was his case). He did have a large family of the mother around and he is a good kid. I do hope years later he does remember what I tried to do for the "adopted" son (used to call me Uncle). To have a positive (I hope) example for when he has his own kids. Doing that talk though really was among the hardest things I've ever done in my life. The truly good things in life really often are along the road hardest to travel. Props to all males who care enough to at least try to be a good example for children (their blood or those around them).

I hate it when the heat doesn't work. Granted the new fangled high technology does wonders in reducing your heating bill and it's all programmable and such. The downside however is that when something goes wrong you need a diagnostic kit to figure out what the heck it is. It's not like, hey the pilot light is out, I can handle that kind of thing.

I kinda wish I knew what that was like. Where I'm from, the heat kicks on about twice a year: just enough that it smells like burning flesh for a few days. On the other hand, sometimes the summers are so bad that the circuit breaker cuts out and we have to flip it to get the cooling to come back on. However, that's pretty much the only problem we really have with heat regulation. Well, that and the fact that the bills aren't cheap.

*sigh*  So we got my walk-in bathtub, came pretty promptly.  BUT when we opened the crate there was rust on and around the door - not exactly a hinge but the equivalent.  As the plumber said, for something that expensive, it should have not only been perfect, he expected it to sing to him.  Why would something that could rust be on the inside of a bathtub??

So the pickup was again very prompt, but the company doesn't seem clear on that, we've had calls from at least two separate people since wanting to 'arrange pickup'.  I assume this will delay the replacement.  *sighs again*

Heat fixed..I hope. I still think there is some weirdness going on with the water pressure. I'll have to monitor it.

---

Had our health benefits meeting today after it was postponed. Not as bad as I thought it would be. Since I'm basically healthy the plan I'll most likely take will cost the same but have higher deductibles. Costs have definitely risen, but I'm pretty happy about how our company shared the cost between company and employee.

You ever just start to really get things going both in RL and in your games after a few stumbles and interruptions, thinking that now you'll be able to focus and have some fun when your work is done, only to have something in RL come around to kick you in the grapes, ruining all your plans?

Yeah, it's gonna be one of those months.

Yeah, I've had that happen a lot...kinda been the story of my entire year.  I've gotten to the point where I'm reluctant to say "things will get back to normal after this project ends" because, even though they SHOULD go back to normal, for some bizarre reason this year they haven't.  Things have just seemed to go from busy, to frantic, to chaotic...so I've stopped promising to help with stuff 'once this is done'...I'm at the 'check with me in X weeks and we'll see how things look' stage...

In reply to Evil Empryss (msg # 300):

You have grapes?

<chuckles>...well, we do accept 'all kinds' here. Probably most of us are a little mentally off to one degree or another but hey, we're one big happy family of misfits.

Maybe I should have said "melons".  ;)

It's ok, we know you meant it figuratively. :)

I much prefer melons to grapes anyday.

I wouldn't touch the subtext of this conversation with a standard-issue 10-inch pole.

It's 10 FOOT pole..sigh...

Back in the days when halflings were only about good for finding traps and no blasted monk class.

In reply to rogar308 (msg # 308):

You're... not... ...?

Reference: http://www.nuklearpower.com/20...personal-problem-bm/

I now realize exactly why the GM is telling me I was wrong with my feat choices. I thought I was just making the best of a bad situation (which I made). But NO. I'm a moron. I'm a QS moron.

The game shop is pretty much just Magic The Gathering and Warhammer 40,000. :(

I went to the Magic night to meet people and see what else the local gamers are into. It was a bust. There are no ads or homemade flyers for anything besides Magic.

What to do?

Print up some flyers and take them to the next gaming night.  Sometimes stuff like that doesn't happen because the people who thought of it have moved on and nobody else followed their lead, or it just never came up within that community before.  But it sounds like a prime opportunity to break the ice with a lot of people.

Thanks for reminding me, facemaker.

Fortune favours the bold. :)

Better a live dog than a dead lion, which is why Machiavelli counseled that one should be able to switch between fox and lion (when lawfulness will not serve).

Some day (hopefully soon) I'll have enough money to hire people to do the little things like reshingle my roof or tile my bathroom.

That, or the cash to pay for the therapy to allow me to not be so tight with money and let go of control enough to let someone else do it for me instead of killing myself trying to put shingles on 1500 sq ft of roof.

Not counting on it, but it'd be a nice change.

are certain words not allowed to be used?

I have seen certain things that pop up at times like "raping her with my eyes" or "wearing a rape me mini dress" and was wondering that if the use of that was not allowed or one of those you want to smack people for  setting off triggers

I know it may be only me this bothers but it grinds my gears!

Obviously there are specific limits that are detailed out and then there are grey areas. If you're GM you can dictate the acceptable language further. In a handful of very rare cases we've edited posts where we thought the PC went too far with words or the GM edited another GM for the same reason. It does't always have to be a specific word but could even be a phase or wording inciting player or GM angst. Fortunately it's rare but it does happen every so often.

In reply to rogar308 (msg # 317):

I guess the wording "wearing a rape me mini dress" set off a trigger warning for me and its sad to see rape culture shining through >.<

In reply to Mika (msg # 316):

I'd say for this to be dealt with on an individual basis for each word.

I don't throw around "rape" in conversations, but I know many people, myself included, who use humor to deal with the absurd horrors that people can inflict on other people.
I know many co workers who use the expression "beaten like a red headed step child", which would certainly be offensive to anyone sensitive to child abuse references.
It's up to us to stop people from saying things that offend us, as long as we're as respectful to them as we wish them to be to us.

In reply to Mika (msg # 316):

I throw the word rape in with other words like retard and the like that do not enter my vocabulary.  Raising two disabled kids from a former soviet country (both physically disabled, and both having at least average intelligence) seeing how they are labeled as retarded no matter their disability - the word retard really throws me into a fit.

There are acceptable places to use such words - in the case of actual rape - I would use that term, otherwise, it really has no place in my vocabulary.  Same with retard - certainly musically use the term, otherwise, again there is really no reason to ever use it.

I don't get how people use it and throw it around. I doubt it'll be stopped but as a survivor to hear things like that referring to clothing choice to me it's victim blaming

Had years of that and I doubt wearing a nuns outfit would have spared me since having a figure is my fault I was born with curves

Having a figure and curves isn't your fault... Its how you are and you shouldn't need to change that. You shouldn't feel the need to bulk up or skinny down to avoid that kind of thing, it shouldn't happen to you in the first place.

The only person to blame is the instigator.

I'm working on that and can finally wear dresses again but walking alone is a big no for me. It tough when even family think you brought it on yourself. I just avoid anything to make me look too nice so I hardly touch make up unless in a group setting

Thats tough to hear, but I'm also glad to see you're getting your confidence back, even if it is a little. I understand how walking alone would be tough. Still, pretty despicable how someone could make you not want to look 'too nice' anymore and yet I totally understand why you feel that way.
I just wanted to point out having curves or particular body shape shouldn't make you feel like that led to what happened and any self hatred on your part. I dislike the whole demonising the victim mentality. Normal people don't do what happened to you, no matter what form the person takes before them.

I'm very sorry, Mika, about your horrible experiences.  I can fully understand your point of view.  And I would certainly be more choosy in my language if you were involved in my game.
It's very easy, if one hasn't been the victim of such a heinous crime, to not fully appreciate how the reminder of it makes people feel, as it is with many other things, too.

I've known victims of racism and sexism are very sensitive to language in that direction, and have known other people, ignorant of such treatment, who can't grasp what it must be like who think that first group is overreacting to those words.

While I would never force anyone to relate experiences about which they do not wish to discuss, I would promise that anyone in a game with me need only ask, and I'll do what I can to control my own language.

I have a very dark and odd sense of humor, but I also want to be respectful of others, and can usually empathize with others and their experiences.

This one is a hard one to respond to without getting labled.

There's a chasm between being sexually interested, which after all is normal, and rape. This is true even if a person is interested in playing the victim. Don't go there; death is a possibility, particularly if alcohol or drugs are involved.

Dear Moderators:

Perhaps this post should be deleted. However, this is a serious and realistic warning.

Thank you for understanding. I thought I was over reacting but such a post made my heart sink. Any "rapeable" dresses or the thought of someone taking a dress as an excuse really just hurt. I was actually more covered up and if that was my offense I should not wear dresses at all. If I can't what is okay to wear. I guess I'd rather look unattractive or unappealing in baggy clothes if that was the end all be all. That statement alone makes me question if I should bother trying to wear dresses again

In reply to Mika (msg # 328):

It's always tragic how victims of crimes, even smaller ones like robbery or scams, are made to feel that it's their fault.

Certainly, there are usually preventative measures, but sometimes there's nothing that could have been done differently, and usually the things that could have been done differently are things the victim should never have to do differently.
You're allowed to wear anything legally permissible, what you want, where you want, how you want, and no one has a right to bother you.

Personally, I feel that if a woman wears a mini skirt and skimpy halter top to a rough biker bar, gets incredibly drunk and proceeds to dance on the bar, then staggers home through dark alleys, doesn't "deserve" to get raped or molested.

(granted, she might deserve to have her mother drag her home by her hair and lock her in the basement until she can get her behavior under control, but that's another issue)

You did nothing wrong.  Someone else did.   I know you know that probably know that intellectually, and I hope that you embrace that with your heart eventually.

Remember, Mika, you have friends here.

What was done to you is unforgivable, should never have happened, and was in no way whatsoever your fault. I truly hope you believe that.

However, it's important to remember that these are games. They're not real. A character posting that they're raping another character with their eyes is a) not actually doing so with their character because it's not allowed on RPoL and b) very likely not like that in real life. Granted, there certainly are the players who make me question if they're right in the head and I would in no circumstance want to be caught with them in a dark alley with. However, they're usually quickly and easily identifiable and avoided. I would recommend against trying to get them to see the error of their ways - people who are actually like that aren't likely going to change and will only cause you heartache, and you've had enough of it. But also bear in mind that some people are simply fantastic at and enjoy playing jerks. They can do that - it's a game. They should also be held accountable for their actions in game, but that's the GM's job (and the reaction of other players).

Let me put it in a different way. If someone posts that their character stabs someone/something else, no one (hopefully!) thinks that player behind the character is going to go out and go on a stabbity spree.

Thanks for the support. I know I don't deserve it but it means A LOT to me. I'm scared to ask if anyone else there feels uncomfortable with it as I do

You do too deserve support.

The support?  Or the commentary that inspired the post that caused the support?  *grin*

I'm not surprised by the support.  While RPOL does have its resident trolls and applehats, the majority of people I interact with here are really very decent, helpful, and caring individuals who will do what they can to bolster failing spirits and lend moral support (since the format here kind of makes ACTUAL support a little challeging.)

But, as is true with pretty much any large group of people, with the good, you'll get the bad.  It's likely the individual who posted the stuff that got you agitated meant nothing by it, and merely opted for those choices (distasteful as they are) because they either couldn't think of a better way to convey the thought, or they couldn't be bothered to think of one.  (Seriously, I've heard of people referring to a pair of high heels as fruit-me pumps, which gets the message across without having to go so far as to indicate that they're inviting violence as well as dressing sexy...)

But thoughtless speech is propagated by the silence of others.  I agree with those who say that it would be worth bringing up--politely, with tact and diplomacy--that you find those kinds of references distasteful for personal reasons.  I've dated girls who are recovering rape victims...it's tough.  For some, even the smallest gesture of physical intimacy is a major undertaking...for others, their concept of what sex should be has been forever marred and they seem almost driven to 'beat him to the punch', even when the man (in this case, me) had no such expectation from the relationship.

Keep working at it.  It's a tough road to travel, I know (in addition to the aforementioned ex-girlfriends, I've also had several extended family members that have been victims of sexual harrassment or worse, including a couple of nieces that are still laboring their way back from being sexually molested as children, so I've had a lot of second-hand narratives about the challenges involved.)  You've got a lot of help here...anonymous help, granted, which may not be helpful in day-to-day situations.  But it's a start.

I really try to keep the fact that people are free to do what they want and say what they want I guess now such terms make me sick to read or even admit they are words.

I just don't like confrontation so I was curious about the rules. I guess I learned that you need a system that will help you even a little or if not then it's best to not say anything at all

You shouldn't feel the need to suffer in silence, Mika. If you are upset to this degree and quite understandably so, you should say something because in your belief for people to act freely, it is that they are not oppressed. You being upset as much as you are now and suffering over what to do about it is you being oppressed, even if they are words. You have a right to do something about it.

2 vents.

1. I'm so excited/anxious about class tomorrow that I can't sleep. I've been tossing and kicking at the blanket for hours. I've just had some hot tea and set a timer so I go back to bed in 20 minutes.

2. The game flyer I wanted to put up didn't go over well with the game shop owner, workers or their friends. I was encouraged to try to find pnp gamers online, but reminded that it the shop wouldn't be the best place to meet or play on the weekend. It was a gentle GT#O.

Sad for a games store to pull that :/

My own vent... I haven't been able to get to sleep at all. I'm still going from yesterday, feel hyper more than tired but I know I'm going to crash part way through the day now... :/

@Eggy: That sux. We had a game store in town that was a great place to game but they closed because the rent was too high and they couldn't compete with online pricing. Too bad because it was a great place to meet folks and grow the gaming community. For the record not all gaming stores suck like that.

Probably because cards have continual sales while PnP sells the original set of books and maybe rarely the occasional dice.  Better to reserve the seats for card and miniature games where competition breeds sales.

Pisses me off though...  So hard to find good public places to play without feeling like I'm invading some space.
This message was last edited by the user at 16:02, Tue 12 Nov 2013.

I procrastinate. A lot. It's almost like the more I try to get stuff done early, the more I put it off. Which is really bad, since I planned on starting this thing at day one. Ugh. What's wrong with me? Why didn't past me take care of it like more past me and I want him to?

Maybe you need a 'pest me'. So the 'pest me' can bother the 'current me' even wile the 'current me' ponders the 'past me' not pestering the 'current me'. You dig? :P

In reply to HornetCorset (msg # 340):

When I get to procrastinating badly, I have to use a timer. I start it whenever I start to slack off. If I'm on the computer too much, then I'll turn on my super annoying pop ups with messages like !!!LAUNDRY!!!

Timers are good. I do tend to work better when there's a thing there. Words things idea face brain stuff.

I just wish someone would've told me that writing a persuasive speech about depression and anxiety would leave me feeling anxious and depressed. Guess I should've seen it coming. *chuckle*

What is the alpha test site? I always get worried with warnings! I guess I worry a lot!

A new version of the site just went live.  The "alpha test" warning is just left over from the testing, and will be removed shortly.

In reply to HornetCorset (msg # 340):

I'm a procrastinator too.  *sigh*  One technique that can work is to break the task down into smaller tasks and start doing some of the little things.  The idea is that hopefully you'll get involved and keep going, or at least that after you do this a few times, some of the job is getting done.  Try to avoid my other failing though, spending your time making a wonderful plan of how to break it down, rather than actually doing anything productive.

And I should be off now, to make a wonderful plan of how I'm going to break down my remaining packing into manageable tasks.  This is actually something I need to do, since there are the logistics of what I'm not going to need before we move, where I'm going to put the packed stuff here, where it's going over there (also involving not burying something I'll need before Christmas), and do I have enough appropriate boxes?  Complicated by the fact that I mostly just have a garage to put stuff in there, since the bedroom/bathroom end of the house is a construction zone, and the kitchen is to be painted too, so I can't put stuff into the cupboards until at least the sanding is done.  There's the living room but I need to allow space to move a lot of furniture into there, plus there's still going to be a lot of dust from the construction part.  Ah well, I've put it off for a bit by typing this.  ;-)

See, that's the problem - I procrastinate on here! :P
This site has zapped so many hours from my life... but I know that if it wasn't this one, it'd be another. XD

The board wants their proposals Monday morning.
At 4:26pm on Friday, the architect emails a list of clarifications to his drawings.

This message was deleted by a moderator, as it was inflammatory, at 11:16, Sun 17 Nov 2013.

This message was deleted by a moderator, as it was inflammatory, at 11:16, Sun 17 Nov 2013.

Ugh.  I am so not ready for my daughter to be having boyfriends.  If she hadn't lost her first (and last) cell phone I wouldnt mind her talking so much.  But she uses mine.  ALL the time :P

The joys of having a preteen, right?

In reply to ginny (msg # 351):

The only good thing is, you at least have access to her phone, without having to technically snoop, to see who she's calling and when, right?

And at least you know that you have some control over when she can call and when she can't.  :)

That's very true, Nuric.  I hadnt thought of that yet :)  Im beginning to understand what my own mother went through with two teenage girls and an older boy at the same time.

And I do get to control when she sees her 'boyfriend' to a certain point.  I cant stop her from seeing him in school, just like when I was her age.

In reply to ginny (msg # 353):

*grins*  I think your mother would call that "revenge".   ;)

She does.  And it is.  :)

And to think, I was the good child  ^_^  I really did get one just like me, but so did my husband.  Our youngest is exactly like her father :)

*grins*   Yes, that's why I don't have kids.  I couldn't survive one who was like me, and I was the good kid too.

I dont know how my husband has survived this long with all three of us.  At least for some of his sanity, our youngest is still in the cute and adorable stage.  With a touch of the demons in her ;)

Just wait until they're BOTH teenagers.   :)