OK. I was going to not give the full details behind this for fear of seeming odd, but then I reminded myself what community this is. Odd takes on a completely different definition here.

So, here's what's going on. I'm part of an online community that regularly records and uploads songs for various singing competitions. We record ourselves in multiple layers for harmonies/effects/etc.

In the round I'm working on right now, I'm performing "Hot Girl In The Comic Shop" by Tripod. For those who haven't heard it, the song is pretty straight forward. The band is confused by the sudden appearance of a hot girl in a comic shop and the fact that she actually seems to know her way around the store.

Towards the end of the song, they're trying to figure out how best to approach her and are suddenly sidetracked by someone asking who would win in a fight between Hulk and Spiderman. By the time they finish working through that question, she's gone.

I plan to record background chatter representing various people in the shop getting caught up in the debate. Here's what I need from you all:

Summarize in 3 or fewer sentences who you think would win and why. If you can provide specific references to shows, movies, or especially comic issues that would be great.

In reply to T.S. (msg # 1):

Spider-Man seems to have a gadget pool for his webbing we can change the properties based on scientific principles. If he knows he's fighting the Hulk ahead of time he can at gamma ray absorption to his webbing and either restrain or drain the Hulk.

No no one takes the Psychedelic Spider-Man kids cartoon seriously! This is about the comic book not some stupid Hollywood adaptation!

Hulk is pure strength and stamina with no agility; Spider-Man is pure agility with some strength and stamina. It’s not a question of who will win, it’s a question of how long Spider-Man can dodge. Because one hit from the Hulk and the Spider goes splat.

Spider-man can take a hit, and he is a lot stronger than he seems, because he is always holding back.  Look at what Otto Octavius, as the Superior Spider-man, did to Max Gargan, all because he never realized Peter ALWAYs held back.
Peter also has one of the most impressive intellects in the comics, figuring out time travel when Tony Stark couldn't.
I'd say Spider-man wins by virtue of making the Hulk laugh, and turn back into Banner, and befriending the Jade Giant.

HULK SMASH PUNY BUG!

Depends whose name is on the cover.

Hulk vs Spidey in a Spider-Man title, then the webslinger can be counted on to win. All day.  Erry day.

Spidey vs Hulk published under the ahem … banner … of the Incredible Hulk.  Well … then poor Peter is going to get tossed around like a rag doll.

Who really  wins?   The fans.

In reply to Ski-Bird (msg # 6):

Amazing Spiderman 14. (I think I remember it right...) The Avengers sent Spidey out to capture the big guy, who was chat af back then. If memory serves, Spiderman let Hulk go, fearing what Stark and Hank Pym would do to him, blowing his chance at being an Avenger.

If Spider-Man still had the Venom suit then the Hulk and Peter Parker would die.

How is that relevant?
This message was last edited by the user at 21:47, Thu 22 June 2023.

Which Hulk are we talking about? Are we talking regular green Hulk? Savage Hulk? Merged Hulk? Kluh? Titan? Joe Fixit? If it's Mr. Fixit or Merged Hulk, then Peter is screwed, because both of those have the cunning to take Spiderman on AND Hulk's strength.

In reply to The Stray (msg # 9):

This is probably the best answer. ↑ vote

I can see the comic store argument, which the is OP applicability, being the brain versus brawn, and the ability of Peter, but ultimately ended by what was said two posts above.

Peter just has agility, but far less strength at that point. Peter is also less acclaimed as an engineer. At that point, yes, Spiderman is strong. Any spiderman, be it Peter or Miles of what not, is strong, but hulk is a definition of strength.

When Mr. Fixit or Merged Hulk surpass in cunning and life experience, thrn Spiderman can just dodge, and try to play mental gymnastics but is playing catch up he can't reach. In these cases, Spiderman is ultimately going to lose to a (chess) discover check if not outright bottlenecked into a dismantling.

If it's, another Hulk, then Spiderman does, in fact have a good fighting chance as the underdog David against Goliath. Well...that's another match up I guess. xD
This message was last edited by the user at 02:27, Sat 01 July 2023.

I am no expert, but if you don't overthink things, these two responses seem about right to me.

With apologies to any diehard Spidey fanboys out there.

It really comes down to who's writing the fight, and what they need to happen to spin the ongoing storyline (which, I know, isn't the 'approved' argument for this question, but given the number of times Marvel/DC/Image/Dark Horse/etc have pitted characters against each other and had one or the other of them win in some contrived fashion, it's unavoidable.)

Yes, Hulk has the strength advantage.  Yes, Spider-Man has his spider-sense and agility.  If the story requires Spidey to take a beating, Hulk will win, no matter which version of him it happens to be.  If the story requires Spidey to win, he will figure out some kind of puzzlebox solution that will neutralize Hulk's strength advantage.  That's the reality (if you can say that about a comic-book storyline) of the situation.  The winner will be whoever the writer needs to come out on top.

That's ALWAYS the answer, no matter who's fighting who in the comics.

Counterspell: Squirrelgirl.

Just because they do it, doesn't mean it happened in many (or most) people's eyes. If this were true people wouldn't have Star Wars debates. Sometimes, often in fact, the writers are wrong. Even if it's canon. Hence the OP framing it. ;) Good try though! heh.

Team Superman will never accept his head scratching checkmate in his Marvel foray. TBH even team Marvel didn't like that match up.
This message was last edited by the user at 04:47, Mon 03 July 2023.

I don't see how Squirrelgirl is a counterspell.  She's kind of the proof of the whole idea.  A character with one of the most ridiculous powers in the entire comic book pantheon, who somehow manages to be relevant in some degree...because the writers want her to be oddly powerful in her own right...

The madder Hulk gets, the stronger Hulk gets.
I know what I'd do, were I placing my bets.
Though clever and quick are a Spider-Man's traits,
It's the author who ultimately metes out their fates.

Seriously, is this even a question? Hulk can barely grasp the pencil, much less write those little numbers in. Spiderman always finishes the sudoku first.