Re: NOTHING but VENTS - Vent all you want without replies
I feel concern. There is no answer for my friend who faces homelessness and poverty. They face a road most unknown to them. They have not replied, and I hope it is for progress, but fear and deeply believe it is the abstract that is characterized as "the Devil" that that removes them from contact.
I told them I would pray for them, and I once did. Things seemed to go better for them. I told them of late I would pray for them. I didn't. Still yet as I write this I have not. I am not one to pray. It is they alone, my only friend that is religious, that I do not feel insulted by their thoughts and prayers. I now feel if the power of prayer were real, that I have chosen to not call upon it, and now it is too late. For prayer at least. At worst, that is also the most that could possibly have saved them terrible hardship.
I meant to pray. I meant to focus my thoughts and hopes, in communion with the abstract forces characterized as a being of good and force which acts simultaneously throughout time.
Now I say this, bare as bones. Without and poetry. I have worried for my friend. I don't know what I can interact with. It's not in my nature to do what I have said I wouldn't, nor to refrain from something I said I would do...and most poignantly was doing that I wasn't.
I will pray now, to the one force I have found solace in. I prayed. Acknoweldged the help I was given. Admitted I do not want to lose the luck that has been afforded, and that I want to see my recovery from poverty be seen to conclusion. I also chose to ask this character, this totem, to help my friend. That if they cannot, to at least mourn with me. Not to cause them grief, but if grief is felt to be with me as I may, may, find my friend gone.
I cling to hope. I bring not even cake, to the crisis. I come empty handed, with no apology, but with deep regret. I wish I had said more to my friend, immediately after they reported their status.
I hope this does not break confidence, as I will not name them; but I'd like to say what I can, in the event you, or you, or you, any of you reading this, happen to know the user, happen to able to help.
They began to gain my attention, as a person, not just a user, when they had surgery. It was for a hernia. This surgery was not nation class, and certainly not world class. It was painful and did not heal properly. It took them, by my account eight months to just received care for the poor healing, and infection! The infection was...basically treated probably far too late. I was not yet homeless, but I had my own health issues. We shared more than game related chat, we exchanged hopes and he gave prayers. I started to, when I could do it honestly, even if not expecting true results, to at least say what I meant, and ask as if to be given reply, in way of reply being aid to my friend.
I was homeless; but prior to that, they lost their mobile home. They had rented land from someone's property who owned a house on it (IIRC). That owner tried to give due notice, but the new owner was not to give they land to my friend's mobile home. What happened, as I understand it, was they had nowhere, nowhere to move it. What mobile objects could be taken were, and he moved to his grandmother's with his mother. His grandmother had dementia, and my friend was still healing, and poorly. He couldn't work. He hadn't yet gotten financial aid, and this sunk him into rightfully deep depression. His home, his mobile home wasn't moved. There was nowhere to move it. So it was demolished. It pains me to imagine, but I do, and it's vivid. The walls being bent like tin foil. His clothes, cabinets and curios strewn into wanton debris. His life, his home, his things, discarded. Tossed into refuse bins, and ruin to his life unflinchingly exacted.
His transition of "better" was getting two things. Social Security or Unemployment. Either way, it was little enough, and not even enough. He was given medication to make it day to day. His mother and he bickered, his grandmother caused a great deal of worry; she had dementia and would commit disturbing acts; most often at night. This was part of what I surmise was the cause for bickering, his mother thought it was his duty, not her own. Maybe it was, but he was healing. Regardless of anyone being right, it was situation of terrible trauma.
Of recent news, his grandmother passed away. He told me he needed to find a new home. To me, if this were my mother, or my one time friend Anne's mother, we'd each be in line to inherit aid. It seems, for whatever reason, my friend had to move out. I speculate, but there's not enough information to conclude any facts, at all. Maybe his mother didn't want him there. That's sort of how my mother is. She has three dogs, one of life support, and three cats, and yet she wouldn't do much for me. My mother also is petty. I hope my friend's mother isn't. Maybe the grandmother had an financial agreement; essentially the opposite of mortgage. That my friend, and his mother, scions of the owner, could stay there, but only as long as the woman lived; that upon her passing away the bank inherited the property, and my friend and his mother had due notice, but still grieving had to grapple with homelessness. Maybe the grandmother had another heir that did nothing in recent years, but last legally documented, this absentee owned it all. I could keep trying to find an answer, but I won't; not until I hear from my friend.
I never heard them say their surgery, over more than two years, healed. I never heard them say they had a great relief. It was one disaster, hesitating to breath, and holding breath, as another disaster occurred.
Here, in Johnson County Kansas, we (citizens of the County) can go to the library and use it. Even without library card, one can use guest passes. If it's torrential downpour, or heat waves, one can, during operating hours, take refuge and have web access. My friend, Anne, the one I lived with and was homeless with, works at the library, and I still spent a long time in the car, because I was so traumatized by my plight. I had the option though.
While I was homeless, I had user, someone I seldom heard from, give me donation of around $200, US donated digital cash. Of course I won't name them, but they only asked I pass it forward. Were I able, I would give this money, even as I grapple with the current housing I have, to my friend focal to this post. I offered, and have offered to others to give money, not much, but what I had. I had done this for years prior, well before a donation was offered to me, that I took.
I think that's difficult. To accept that a user on the web, even RPoL has only good intentions. The donor, for me, did. I got the money and it was critical. I can see their donation as a domino untoppled that had it not been there, many, literally dozens, or cascading fees, hardships and loss of income would have occurred. They gave me around $2090, but saved me around ten times that in averting. An ounce (forgive imperial) of prevention is worth a pound of remedy. This really was close to literal. My friend never took me up on my offer. Other friends have done the same. I'm glad they didn't, but only if they didn't feel the need. I hope if they did, and especially if my friend I'm most concerned felt the need, that he would have reached out, and not been afraid I had malicious intent, or would exploit his situation. So sad, but true many people can't be trusted.
Anyway. My friend will have my full attention should they contact me. I just...at this point I have to wait. Worrying now does no good. It helps them in no way. I prayed, and though belated, I did it full measure in good and honest intention, heartfelt and unyielding in phrasing.
I'm not asking you do detective work. I'm not asking you, or encouraging you to use RPoL as a charitable site. I am, however, telling my story in regards to my friend. I'm, without unfairly citing them (to unsolicited request), saying a user didn't just offer, but sent me money, and it changed the course toward where I am today. They asked one repayment "pay it forward". I'm going to. Damn it, when I'm given an acceptance or opportunity, I won't need to search. I'm wanting people who may read this to above all else, just keep in mind the person they engage with here. The Harpy Cove, a literal group of users that have rallied for awful purpose, work to tear down the lives of people, and I'm one targeted. I don't know who else they do, but they seem honest they they do it to exact "payback". They still take very small shot, after nearly TWENTY years of my enciting incident. These users are real! I won't name, but they're among this community.
At the end of this post, I am finally winding back to say this is vent. Not a PSA. I needed to get it off my chest. Not compel behavior. My friend's fate, if you will, rests outside my view and well outside my reach. At least for now.
When they ask for help, and that's help I can practically (in practice not intention) give, I will. They have my heart. Their presence, memory and absence is on my mind.
If you strongly feel you know who these people are, keep that to the business you are a part of. I hope you'll be the donor, and if not, I hope that if you need help, and someone offers it, you'll be given the grace of the donor that helped me, and not be given a harpy attack. It seethes me people like the Harpy Cove exist. That they exist primarily upon this vengeful petty and enduring negativity. That they justify what they do, and are so deluded they think it what "anyone in" their "place would do". These people are why less people get help they need.
*sigh* That was alot to write, so I KNOW that was alot to unpack. I know these people's names, every one of them. I also feel confident, if they read this, they'll know I'm walking about them. I also believe those that interract with these people, whether in past, or future, will be able to figure out. Most of you won't, and that's okay. Truly, literally literally, that's not a bad thing. It doesn't matter who these people are, it matters that you know I said they exist and what I told of them, you can be aware of, as I view them. They are not unique. Well..they are unique, but they're plights or attitudes or actions aren't. That's really the thing I end up on, is to use this information I've written, to also go back and read, if only I read it again. To remember to trust, and care, and allow myself to take risks, because I do want to have community that I love, and love is a verb, a verb of active involvement.
Lastly, this is a vent. I needed to put it to page and leave the rest to thought without words. I am in mourning, and the person I mentioned earlier, whom I never knew as much as person...they still haven't returned to RPoL, I mourn for them still.
*sigh* /vent
