Re: Why do I believe in what I believe?
Why do I believe in what I believe?
I suppose that we are a sum of our experiences. And we learn from those experiences. For myself, I'll start off by saying my entire family, immediate, uncles, aunts, grandmother, grandfather, etc are athiests. I was raised by a very caring mother and father, and they made mistakes too. But they did the best they could. they did the things they did because they wanted the best for me. They didn't want me to make the same mistakes, or make any mistakes. My dad was a perfectionist, and so am I now as an adult. As a child it meant I had to live up to a standard few could live up to. I couldn't live up to it, no one could. But a perfectionist doesn't allow for mistakes. Odd that i would turn that way myself, but I guess you learn to accept some things until you see it in yourself. My parants were good, but there are always struggles in life. Regardless if your parants are christian, athiest, whatever. That is part of life, and no one is perfect. If your parents try to set rules, it's because they care. I've learned as an adult that is just another process we learn and grow from. (I put that in as a reminder for those who had christian parents and felt they were stifled, that no one is immune from a life of struggles)
Really, my life was good though. Strict, but good. When I was 8, a baptist church came in the neighborhood inviting us to sunday school, where there would be the usual assortment of stories, games, treats and rewards. I found it good overall. Nothing was very in depth. Stories were taken from the bible, and made short and simple, pictures added, you know the sort of thing. I remember some about hell, and how scary those could be. It was a baptist church, and every so often my parents would come to the sunday service. But they really didn't believe in god, or read the bible. Around 10, one of the few services my parents attended, the pastor had a serman about rock and roll being the devils music, (or so they told me), and they didn't let me go to church anymore. I enjoyed it over all, but my parents really didn't approve of church.
After that, I was on my own. Nothing special, no real influences form any religion. (other than athiesm, and evolution) so as a kid, I grew up believing evolution was real, and how the church were manipulators of the world. You know the usual witch burnings, how they edited the bible, and how the church just wants your money. I had one friend who was christian, but I made fun of him everytime he said something about God, so eventually he stopped talking about God, although stayed my friend. I rather enjoyed knocking religion as a teen, and started me on the path to looking for other issues that the bible or religion has wrong. Back then there was no internet, (or at least not available to me), so all my research was done the old fashioned way of going to the library, and reading up on it. I found plenty of information to make christianity look bad. There were boooks that were indeed changed to interpret the bible. There was witch burnings. but in my search, I also found I was wrong on many things. The bible wasn't changed, just the books to interpret them were. So I learned how the bible itself is unchanged, and as complete as is possible, (which is very complete.) That started me questioning what else I was wrong about if I was wrong about that.
It started me questioning about God. Searching for religions, I considered Jehovah Witness, Catholic, Latter Day Saints, and found them lacking. However it was brief that I went to services, or actually had sit down discussions with the groups in question. Still not good enough I researched other religions, muslim, new age, and mysticism, and judiasm. Nothing. I knew why they weren't right, but I had no answer as to what was right.
I continue on, I still had no answers, and pretty much let that quetion slide, as I was switching careers, and pretty decided that religion had no impact on me. For all intents, I suppose that was agnostic. I felt there was more, but no one could answer it.
Really, for all of my life, I had it pretty easy. I am a relaxed easy going guy, not bothered when people try and get in my face. I don't get anger, I just let it roll of my back.
When I was 25 I met this really amazing woman that had me thinking of her a lot. I was visting for a tournament, for the weekend, and although I got her phone number, we both put the wrong foot forward, got our messages crossed, and both thought the other was not really interested. So we never even called each other. But fortunately, tournaments in the area happened 5 to 8 times a year for a weekend each tournament. We had talked at the first tournament and knew the other was coming to the next one, and when I got there, I was told she didn't come. I was so disappointed, that I realized I really thought pretty highly of her after all. But my friend who told me she wasn't going to be there was wrong, and she did show up. We were hanging out all weekend. After that, for the next two years, we really hung out together at every tournament. People actually got out of their seat when I came by if they they were sitting beside her, so I could have that spot.
Now you're asking how did this turn from religion to a dating story, but this heads back to the start of my post about being a sum of our experiences. My wife was a christian. She wasn't a the best example of a christian, she didn't read the bible regularly, she didn't pray regularly, but she was a strong believer. She knew that Jesus died for her on the cross, and trusted in God.
Getting to know her, we still weren't boyfriend girlfriend, even though we hung out for a weekend every month or two. During our second summer, (the 2nd year of tournaments), she came to visit some friends in my city, and we had talked about that, and I asked if we could get together. She said yes, and we had a lot of fun, but at the end of the night, I went to kiss her goodbye, and she backed off before I could get close. (DENIED, later she told me she thought I was going to, but wasn't ready for that) Long distance and all. I kind of wrote her off over that. I figured, I'm not going to dream about this woman and not even go on a date. I'm writing her off. Yea, well, I decided it couldn't happen, but I still thought about her. No phone calls, nothing. Until one day before a tournament, I get a call call from her out of the blue, (it had been 3 months) and she asks if I was coming to the next tournament(one week away), and we were chit chatting. We start chatting, and I tell her I'll think about it. I wasn't even entered in the tournament, and with a week, there was no way I could even get in that tournament. But all the feelings come back. I decide to go and help our team, and just sit on the sidelines. I hung out with her so much, and I really enjoyed going. But we left with just a hug, and she told me anytime I wanted to come back for a visit I was welcome to. She was being polite, I was forward, and told her, "ok, next month then". she laughed, and said ok.
On the ride back to my city, I was going over in my head how much I was nuts for her, and we had never even been on an official date. The next day I wrote her a letter and sent it to her telling her how much I wanted to go further, and wanted to start a long distance relationship with her. Although we are from different cities, and couldn't readily go back and forth to see each other, we called each other every day. I was on a long distance phone plan that allowed unlimited call time for 20 dollars a month. The phone company sent me a bill saying how that plan saved me 700 dollars in long distance calls that month. I called her every single day, the shortest call was 1 hour, and that was twice. The longest 6 hours, several times. Phone calls avereaged 3 to 4 hours a day for the next 6 months. I missed only 3 days of calling her. Until we were married. I know it seems fast, and we wanted to wait longer originally, but when we couldn't wait to be married, we kept bumping the date up month by month.
Now why I bring that up, is because my wife was devoted to God, but was still new to faith. I had no interest in God anymore, until my wife told me her interest, and how it would be a central role with God in her life. I accepted her, and therefore God would play a role, despite me thinking her brainwashed. I went to a service with her, because I was curious, and I was hooked. the service was so strong and powerful. I felt I could feel God, something being than me, who was personal.
But still, that was only the beginning. I was not christian. I did not accept Christ, but that was a step to knowing God was real. I went back again with her to that church a month later, and the service was unreal. Everyone must have felt God there. You could feel like you reach out and touch God. The group of people there in the church seemed to be bathed in light. I saw many people dancing in the pews, and aisles, I was dancing.
Asking for a church in my city that was similar to that one, I found a great church, and it is the one I'm in now. I started off with thinking I was a christian now, and soon learned I still had issues to face. I figured all would be well, and my worries gone. Little did I know, I was simply naive about what christian meant. It took 3 more years, before I could truly feel I was christian. For me, I didn't start reading my bible regularly until a couple years ago. That was when things started taking off in my spiritual life.
I started reading about what a christian means, and what they do, and what the battle is truly about. I learned our abttle is not flesh and blood, it's not about surviving this world, but rather standing up, working for God, with God on our side.
Ephesians 6:10Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.
That's one thing I have had dealt with for a while, and I suppose will always have to. People think this life is it. The real battle is spiritual, and there are demons fighting to influence me, and you. They do not care about you, they just hate God so much they want to take you away from Him. They fooled me for years. I was not possessed. But they try and influence.
Now back to me and my wife. Like I said, my wife was still new to christianity, and a strong believer, but not well read, or sure of everything God wanted from her. That's where I came in. Remember that perfectionist background I grew up with? I took up the slack, and dove in. God used my wife to lead me to Him, and God used me to delve deeper, and bring things to the fore front for my wife. God used each of us, to make the other stronger. Much stronger.
But more so, I learned about tithing. I had always struggled with money. Never having enough.I tithed a pity amount. but then I read about 10% or whatever we can afford and still profit. As a leap of faith my family gave what God gave to us, back to him. And that's when we got out of debt. I still can't explain that. We gave 4 times the amount we usually did, and was broke before, and with giving more, our debt shrank, and our savings grew. We didn't plan that as a test of faith, but in the end, we realized God wouldn't let us down as long as we trust in him.
With each step of faith, Which I have learned is not done, I find more and more that helps us grow in faith. Praise to God for showing the way through the sacrifice of Jesus. Without Him, I would be lost still. I don't know what God has planned for me, but I'm still alive, so I know there's still more to do. Praise God.