Okay, so I'm looking for a GM who is brave enough to host my AWESOME character. I've been trying to find a GM for him, but for one reason or another I just haven't had good luck with him. I've been looking for a GM for almost a year! He's made in D&D 3.5, but I also used PF, 3.0, and MTG rules (because, c'mon, they're all basically the same thing).

He uses Gestalt rules but has a total of five classes because of flavor. He's a 40th level Factotum//Archivist//Magus//Gun Slinger//Blue Mana Caster. He used a Wish spell to get his banned schools back and also read five +5 Tomes of Clear Thought. Some people don't think the bonuses stack, but it's just for flavor, and those people are just boring rules lawyers. ;p My character is supposed to be smart, that's in his back story.

My character's back story is that Correllon owes Yugoya-Oh Nup Nup Xyzytqrdsts (my character's name, but everyone just calls him Xyzytqrdsts for simplicity) for helping defeat and maim Gruumsh. If Xyzytqrdsts hadn't been there to use his signature epic spell, Gruumsh's eye wouldn't have been poked out and Correllon would have been killed. Anyway, Correllon owed my character in a big way, and so I can go to any temple that has elves and they all have to make a Will Save DC: 94 or be dominated, because I'm just that awe inspiring.

Xyzytqrdsts has an artifact he created that gives him Wish (At-Will) that also provides the XP cost for Xyzytqrdsts, again just for flavor. It was given to him by Boccob, when Xyzytqrdsts taught the Uncaring how to read. The normal looking pencil (the artifact) also isn't limited by the corruption of the the intention of the Wish spell. The outcome of the Wish is always as Xyzytqrdsts intended. It's just pencil for anyone else.

Xyzytqrdsts has a Hecatoncheires familiar with the Paragon template as well as the Half-Dragon and Half-Fiend templates. Xyzytqrdsts's familiar was stolen from the Lady of Pain, who he beat in a duel. This just for flavor, I don't actually intend to use my familiar in battle.

Let's see...I think that's it. Oh wait! I rolled his ability scores and I kid you not, I swear, I got all 18's. I just used the GM home rule I came up with where you roll 20d6 ten times, rerolling all 1's and 2's, then change up to one die into a 6. Then keep the best six rolls. I just got lucky and got all 18's. IDK how!

I have the Vow of Poverty Feat, but because all the celestials blessed my character I can still own the magic items and artifacts I need, escpailly since they don't cost any gold I just can't get any from loot. That's alright though, because I have the Legendary Artisan, Extraordinary Artisan, and Exceptional Artisan each four times that I have as bonus feats, because Moradin blessed me for giving him his hammer, that I made for him.

I think that's it though. I was going to make him a god, but I think that would be broken. Xyzytqrdsts is immune to any effect that is dependent on divine rank. This is  for flavor, just because he has so many of the gods' blessings. He isn't actually a god though. Like I said, I thought that would be broken.

Anyway...hopefully that's not too much to ask. I really do want to start tonight, because it's APRIL FOOLS!

Anyone else who would like to use this thread today to look for GMs for their AWESOME characters may do so with my permission. They have to be balanced though, any special rules you use have to be for flavor. No Munchkins!

I also have an Exalted character with ten essence that beat the Games of Divinity on Hardcore mode. I'll save him for another year though...hmmmm...or I could play my vampire that was the secret brother of Cain...
This message was last edited by the user at 06:08, Wed 01 Apr 2015.

Probably have better luck posting this in the Wanted: GMs forum...folks go there to either post an ad to see if someone is interested in GMing the game they want to play, or they go there to see if someone is advertising a game which they're interested in running.

So this would fit right in, I think.

In reply to facemaker329 (msg # 2):

Did you actually read the whole post? It's not sincere. Which is why I posted here. Gods, I understand people request some crazy stuff, but I thought that by high-lighting APRIL FOOLS it would be obviously tongue-in-cheek.
This message was last edited by the user at 06:26, Wed 01 Apr 2015.

Pfft, balanced. LOL. Happy April Fools!

No, I didn't read the whole post.  After two or three paragraphs, I figured I'd make the friendly gesture of suggesting a better place for the content, before a Mod came along and deleted it for being in the wrong forum.

This message was deleted by the user at 08:08, Wed 01 Apr 2015.

... I want to learn D&D just so I can gm this character...
This message was last edited by the user at 10:03, Wed 01 Apr 2015.

I have one too! Mostly she kicks

I'm looking for a New World of Darkness or other supernatural game. She's a cop, but she only does a half day a week of paper work, because otherwise she wouldn't have any time to hunt evil. And she's too amazing at closing cases to ever get in trouble, so she can use her badge and gun in personal investigations while hunting evil without getting called up by Internal Affairs.

She really hates evil because it hurts people and screws up society, so she goes around breaking into houses and making threats until people do exactly what she needs or she shoots them. And they won't call the cops or anything after she leaves, because is a cop and she's doing all this for their benefit, you see? Unless they work for evil, in which case she shoots them.

Also she's really hot and everyone does what she asks in case she sleeps with them, which she doesn't, unless they happen to be the first male character she sets eyes on.

Oh, and she has some supernatural powers like vampire-esque seduction and talking to ghosts and she's Fated to defeat evil, but she's human so she doesn't have any mana or anything like that. She can only use the powers when it's thematically appropriate or convenient, and because it only happens when determined by the plot and because she's Fated, it always works better than when other characters use their own powers properly.

I've also applied the flaws "short" (only 5'8" tall) and "schizophrenic" (she has a voice in her head which says horrible things about characters I don't like, and only she can hear, but of course she never acts on it) just for balance. Her virtue is charity, so she gets willpower points back whenever she doesn't shoot someone, and her vice is wrath, so she gets wp back whenever she does shoot someone.

Oh, and her schizophrenic personality is also psychic, because it's the ghost of her twin sister, and that's how she can tell someone is working for evil or is lying. But anyone who does lie must be working for evil, because no-one else has any reason not to divulge everything they know to the hot, leather-clad, gun-wielding, schizo, cop who just broke into their basement in the middle of the night, right?

Besides, it's just an NPC anyway, and players should already know to automatically be on my side, unless they're evil. Then they deserve to get their character shot.
This message was last edited by the user at 10:15, Wed 01 Apr 2015.

Five +5 Tomes of Clear Thought??

Don't you know what happens to characters with that kind of mega-intelligence?

They cannot help it, because it's all obvious to them:  they instantly put together all the clues and see that they are in reality fictitious creations.  Not only that, but they figure out that their entire universe is just an illusion, and not a very good one at that.

Then they prove their own non-existence with perfect logic, and then instantly cease to exist.

In reply to Eur512 (msg # 9):

That's awesome! I wish I had been able to use that on a character that wanted to have five +5 Manuals of Gainful Exercise.

Maybe that would be something like him being so strong he fell out of orbit from the world and got Nailed to the Sky. I don't know. Maybe he was trying to tie his shoe and slipped, but because of his immense strength he plunged into the world's center and was never heard from again.

Is she also a badass vampire slayer, nine-tailed fox demon, queen of the damned, and the messiah? If so, and no other player is supposed to know until its convenient to make use of said facts, she resembles 90% of characters I've encountered as of late.

Gotta love those 'flaws of perfection'!

In reply to Randomosity (msg # 11):

Well, I didn't explicitly say that, but it's obvious in my character proposal if you read it properly!

Did I also mention her vampirewolf ex who is still in love with her, even though he works for evil?

In reply to Tileira (msg # 12):

Plot twist!

5 +5 tomes of dexterity, so that you can dodge attacks by being so flexible that the universe bends around you just to try and make room for your movements. So dextrous that when you hide, light can't find you again until you want it to (meaning you can hide in plain sight in broad daylight with nothing around, and won't cast a shadow).

5 +5 tomes of constitution, you have energy. Copious amounts of energy. You have so much energy it makes people who drink power thirst feel inadequate. You have so much energy and it renews itself so fast that you never get tired. And never sleep. You can't sleep. You have too much energy. Also, weapons can no longer hurt you, you either heal too fast, or they just can't get past your energy to actually land a blow. You have so much energy that when you flex, the people nearby confuse you for a second sun. You have so much energy that you can kill all vampires out to the horizon by competing in the Mr. Universe contest and posing.

5 +5 tomes of wisdom, you could realize that you are a being in a poorly made imaginary realm, but your inner enlightenment is great enough that you can handle such a monumental blow to your psyche and be okay with that. You're so zen that sand is like 'damn, that guy can stand still' which takes a long time, because sand can't move to make sounds. You're so wise that when something forces you to make a will save, it gets broken by your powerful success. Your wisdom is so great that mind flayers that try to eat you explode and reincarnate as bodhisattva's from their brief contact with your mind.

5 +5 tomes of charisma, you are beautiful. Sooooo beautiful it distracts the players of the game and the GM. Instead of having to fight anything, you can thrust your hips and dominate it with your beauty. When a nymph sees you, they have to make a saving throw or go blind! When lesser beings behold your character, they have to make saving throws or go insane from the beauty and have their heads explode. Your words are so alluring that they act like dominate spells, but ignore SR and function even in dead magic zones...because it isn't magic! The dark gods that would normally send their minons to hunt you down to torture or capture you instead send their minions to get your phone number so they can lay around acting like tweens and giggling. The only beings who can resist you are eunuchs. Woe be to the world in which you live if they do not have enough eunuchs.