Re: Vents with allowed responses - 2
I need to vent. Today I was promptly rejected from a job. It wasn't that good of a job so I'm fine with that, no biggie, I can take rejection. What truly depressed me is the reason they did it, no chance to do an interview, no chance to show how I was the right one for the job, their computer Integrity test decided I was too likely to steal and stuff and they showed me the door. And this is the part. I don't care about the rejection, but rather about the label, dishonest, it hurt me.
You see, I keep my secrets like everybody, but I consider myself being honest and caring, being honest is part of my identity, I'm honest, loyal, caring, creative and a little of an obsessive loon, even flighty and clumsy sometimes. But being honest, being the good one, being the one who tells the cashier she gave me more change, I wouldn't be able to steal even a candy, that is part of what I am. I know they don't care about my feelings, it is their job, but I resent it.
And checking about these tests, I find out that this forgiveness, empathy and caring are what make me not trustworthy. That I'm one step away from embezzling just because I never cheated on an exam, or never gamble, or any of other red signs that means I'm lying. Or that I'm a future drug addict because I have a liberal opinion on drugs -despite the fact I don't smoke and I don't drink, well I like wine and stuff, but I never abuse them-. What is worse for me is that if I want to pass one of these honesty tests I need to be less honest in the future. This is the second time one of these tests marks me as likely to steal and it hurts so much I wanna cry.