Ever feel like you've done something too bad to even message that person to apologize? How would you go about it if they wouldn't respond?

Do you leave it..

Do you sulk about it..

Or do you try to talk sense..

Your opinions? Very stuck here.
This message was last edited by the user at 01:38, Fri 18 Apr 2014.

IMO, if you truly are sorry, the best thing to do is apologize no matter what the outcome may be.  Give the person some time to cool down if needed, then try to talk it out.  Again, IMO.

If you have wronged someone you should confront them face to face.  Messaging is weak and I certainly wouldn't respond.

Yes i see what you both mean, I have left it. Maybe a little too long. Yeah i would definitely apologize to their face if i knew where they lived or had ever met them in the face. I try to never apologize over a simple message i never feel it carries enough meaning as it does face to face.

I've been told in the past apologies are just words. I took it badly, but to some degree, it's what you do to try getting past it that matters.

If you mean literally IRL meet the person face to face isn't that dangerous I mean they are angry with you and you have no idea who they might be...

Well, if you only know the person online, then yeah, I wouldn't go track somebody down just to apologize for something I said online.  If it's someone I know and see in real life, then direct apology if is better.

I agree evilrabbit..its been going on for some time now but hopefully Il pluck up the courage to apologize here.

Yes, I was thinking that the person wronged was someone that the person knew personally and face to face.  If it is an online relationship then no big deal.  Move on and find someone else who might or might not be real.

If you've apologized and they don't respond, wait a day then apologize again.  Then wait a day and apologize again.  Repeat until you get a response.

Don't try to browbeat a person into a response, though -- don't try to reason with them or explain yourself or make it seem that what you did wasn't that bad or is otherwise explainable.  Just apologize.

Thank you all for advice, i apologized and we spoke only for awhile until we decided it was best to just leave it all there. I feel much better now and again thank you all for the advice i got. It was worth plucking up the courage.

Any apology that includes the words "if" or "but" is not an apology. Any apology that attempts to share the blame is not an apology. Any apology that does anything but take full responsibility for your actions is not an apology.

As long as you remember these little rules, any apology that you make is sincere.

Yes ive always stood by that. If the other person think they've done something wrong and decides to apologize then that's their burden but id never ask then to apologize or share the blame. At the end of it all like i said we have stopped it there but that person can decide what they want to do, whether that's message me when they feel it or just completely draw the line.

I don't think an apology is ever a bad idea, but if they don't respond, I wouldn't follow up any time soon.  Maybe later, if the person is someone you previously had a fairly close relationship with, that you miss.  But get the apology out there, so that they don't have to take the first step if they miss you too.

Yeah i did miss them more than i probably care to admit. But like i said im glad that we got it sorted to a point.

In reply to Genghis the Hutt (msg # 10):

How is re-apologising every second day until you get and answer not brow-beating them into a response?

If the person you wronged doesn't respond after two attempts to reconcile you need to leave them alone. They will know that you are either sincere or trying to repair the relationship. If they don't answer it's because they don't want to repair the relationship.


Sometimes the only thing you can or need to do is forget about it and move on. Maybe OP's friend will come around after a while. But after the apology has been made you need to let your friend decide what they want to do and respect it. You make a person change their mind, you just have to wait for them to change it themselves.

Because this is a post environment -- you can read or ignore whatever a person types to you.

You forgot the third option - you can report repeated unwanted messages as harassment.

Way to smack the situation with some truth Ron.

But in all seriousness, if you did something you perceive as wrong, then just send an honest and open apology. One of three things will happen:

1) You'll get no response, not a bad ending but not a great one either.

2) You get a response, and it's not a pleasant friendly one. No need to reply there, the ball's in their court now.

3) You get an acceptance. This is the best result, it is what we all want when we apologize. It opens the door back up.

Good luck with whatever choice you make, but remember. If you feel you did something wrong, the ball is in your court first.

We've all been in situations where a person has apologized to you and you just don't want to accept it, you want them to keep apologizing.  If you're the one apologizing, do they want you to keep apologizing?  If they never respond, how would you know?

I don't really see how 7 replies to a thread in a week where each reply simply says something along the lines of, "I'm really sorry" would be harassment, although if anyone ever said that it was then of course you should stop.  I said, if you were doing this, there should be no temporizing, no explanations or trying to show that you were justified or that it wasn't really that bad or some other type of apology that isn't really an apology, it should just be an apology.  You wouldn't be getting walls of text.  If someone replies and says, "Don't message me" or something, then that would be harassment of course if you continued.

Actually, no.  We haven't all been in situations where we want the other person to keep apologising.  To me that just seems like a really weird thing to expect somebody to do.  Honestly, I'd find it a bit embarrassing if somebody kept apologising like that.

Look.... an apology that a person keeps asking you to repeat means one of two things:

1. That the person is one of those attention-whore types. If this is the case, run  away. Far, far away. Because, with this sort of person, NOTHING that you EVER do will make up for whatever wrong you have done because they don't want it to.

2. You continue to engage in the behavior that caused you to need to apologize in the first place. If this is the case, then your apology is not really sincere. A REAL apology is an admission that you understand that what you have done is wrong. If it's wrong, and you keep doing it, you must be some sort of sociopath.

It shouldn't be necessary to say "don't message me". If I need to say "don't message me" to get you to leave me alone then I have no reason to think you will leave me alone after I do say it. I don't think there is anyone I have told to stop messaging me who has actually done it.

The only reason you would keep apologising every day it is to force someone into dialogue- and frankly the best way to bury an arguement is to stop talking about it. Bugging the injured party to forgive/forget is only going to drive the wedge deeper.

This is something that continues to baffle me: the number of people who will continue to force an issue after the other person has declined to be involved any further.
Really really just drop it. How is a person supposed to stop being mad at you long enough to forget if you keep dragging it up all the time?

If you're not sure they got the apology than twice each in different channels of communication is enough. If they ignore you let them get on with it. If they haven't received your apology after sending it PM, Rmail, and email then either they have some RL stuff to deal with or they are going to lengths to cut you off.


Sorry, that came off a bit ranty, but I've met too many guys online who won't take either silence or "leave me alone" as an answer.
Two apologies a few days apart is enough. If I got 8 apologies on 8 consecutive days I would report it.

This issue has been resolved for a bit now, thanks everyone for the advice (again) but this is completely resolved no need to continue. :)