Warming up the nuclear orbital platform sir.

Just remember that sometimes you can't return to Earth afterward.

Eh, it's not my home planet anyway...besides, it's hot enough today that I think it's drifting into the sun.

In reply to rogar308 (msg # 28):

Its been near 30 all week and it sucks so bad for a Brit in this weather! We aren't used to it! XD

Yup, that I did.


LOL- So true.  I hate to admit it (being female) but it is just that sort of thing that has me not keen to work with my own gender.  Far too temperamental :(.  We tomboys can't cope :)

Thank you Tlaloc.

I've been running on the minimum of sleep (more or less) over the last few weeks, it's hard to rest because it's hot and generally I've been on a bit of a low ebb the last week or so. I spend my days studying database development, and story posting and drawing at night, and that takes up most of my waking life right now. I'm starting to think I need to put a bit more space between myself and the computer again.

I have my next exam coming up at the end of the month so I have to put more time into study. When I pass (I'm not saying 'if'), I'll be an Oracle-certified professional MySQL developer. I enjoy the subject matter but I'm seeing code in my sleep. It's like it's tangled up in my head and I need a really good holiday.. and some real, proper sleep that's more than 4 hours at a stretch. And possibly less caffeine.

An online friend hasn't exactly cut contact with me, but I seem to have fallen on to his 'mostly ignore' list, which is kind of depressing, but I have other, nicer friends who are around and whose presence brightens my spirits.

You'll pass.  :)

Thank you.

In reply to adrasteia1 (msg # 31):

Maybe your friend isn't ignoring you, but just busy/hot/short on sleep also.  Unless you've done something to offend, I find other people don't really think about one as much as you imagine, usually they are just busy doing their own stuff.  Which can, of course, lead to them drifting away, whether as a definite choice, or just a gradual happening.

In reply to DreamQuestin (msg # 30):

And now you know you have someone like that to deal with, make sure you document as much as possible, so that you always have a note or whatever to back up what you are saying.  Always a good idea anyway, especially in this case.

And I don't know that women are more likely to have that kind of attitude, just that they are more likely to be openly emotional about it.  I've certainly dealt with a man who insisted things are the way he remembered, rather than what I did.  He was more prone to do it behind my back though, leaving me without the opportunity to give my version.

You might be right about that, Brianna. I suppose only time will tell.

In any case, everything is fine.

In reply to adrasteia1 (msg # 31):

Oracle databases. *shudder*

Its hot all over at the moment. A lot of us cant sleep. Or think straight. Your friend may not be ignoring you. He may be simply suffering like the rest of us. OR he could know you have a lot of stuff going on and be deliberately letting you get on with it.

If its any consolation - Kudos to you for enjoying working with Oracle Databases. They're the bane of my existance.

It's not so bad. I think Oracle got the rights to MySQL when they bought out Sun, so that sounds about right.

I enjoy it, but we're working with textbooks, WAMP and a DOS prompt - day in, day out. We've only touched upon PHPMyAdmin and Workbench a little so far, because they want us to learn it from the ground up.

It's a really good learning environment though and everyone is friendly. We'll have the MySQL part of the course finished soon, and then we're moving on to PHP and some other stuff.

In reply to adrasteia1 (msg # 37):

Ah well my actual experience is with Oracle (8-10) not MySQL so I guess there's a difference there. Plus, I'm working with .NET not PHP which opens up its own whole new can of worms XD

Ok. Well, I'm sure there's a fair bit in common there.

Have you been doing it for long?

Need advice, Im 22 and my girlfriend is 18, And we found out today that shes pregnant. We have no problem with being able to raise the kid and afford raising it. Its breaking it to our very old fashion conservative parents and friends. We also cannot drive either of us. What would you recommend we do?

There is no easy way, IMO.  But keep in mind that from this moment on you two are in each others' lives forever.  What you do from here should always be about that baby first, then yourselves and anyone else.

Congrats :)

In reply to Andrew Wilson (msg # 40):

No matter how you choose to break it to them, your very conservative parents are going to be upset, and some of your friends likely will, as well.  They'll get over it, most likely...my brother is pretty conservative, and he is still very involved in my niece's life and very supportive of her, even though she's pregnant (out of wedlock) for the third time (and the first one was twins, so this will actually be her fourth child...)

But this is the moment where the two of you have to decide just how important you are to each other, because there's a good chance your parents will pressure each of you to 'stay away from that bad influence' (because, likely, in their eyes, there's no way that their child would EVER have chosen to be so irresponsible on their own...it had to be someone else's fault...)  You can stick close to each other, or you can 'run home to Momma'...but only the two of you can work out which option should count.

When you say, 'cannot drive', do you mean 'don't have a license and therefore can't operate a vehicle?'  Or do you mean 'we're physically incapable of getting a drivers license'?  Do you live in an urban or suburban area with public transit?  Or are you out far enough that getting around by bus isn't much of an option?  I have friends who are/were several years older than you before they got a license.  If the public transit services are good enough, you don't need one.  It's helpful, yes...but not crucial.  One of my old roommates was pushing 30 before he finally decided to bite the proverbial bullet and learn to drive.  It takes a bit more planning and arranging things (and it doesn't hurt if you have friends who can drive that can help you out occasionally), but there are a lot of places where you really don't need a car to survive (when I was in Sweden a couple of decades ago, it was so expensive to get a license that most people didn't bother...of course, the transit systems there were a LOT better than anything I've seen in America, but even here where I live, with our grossly inadequate and overpriced transit service, I got by for half a year without a car.)

no licence, I have to have my grandparents take me to work, they wont let me drive so I can learn how but they complain that I should have my licence by now.

Girlfriend lives with me, I live with my grandparents. We both work.

no parents since I was 11

*grimace*  Brace yourself for a LOT of guilt-trip attempts, too...stuff along the lines of 'What would your parents think?' and 'After all the stuff we've done for you...'  You may have to go the route of going through a driving school to learn to drive, if they won't let you get any experience yourself.

Maybe your grandparents would understand - after all, they were young once, and if you're living with your girlfriend already in the same home as them, they might have considered the possibility before. Conservative doesn't necessarily mean naive. I think they might get a shock when you tell them, but they may settle into the idea more easily after a while. A lot of grandparents like the idea of having grandchildren, after all. I wouldn't be surprised if they ask about marriage, though (as well as a lot of other questions).

I'll tell you how I see it, though the fact you're living with them might not make it financially possible. I'd be looking for a place of my own to live with my partner. I realise there might be a very real reason to save money, but you're adults now and living in a shared home gives little privacy and depending on their age, having a baby living with them might be a bit much.

I'd also advise learning to drive. I'm someone who doesn't drive (at 35), and I'm entirely capable of getting around using public transport and on foot without anyone to drive me. The US is a whole different ball game and you need a car to access a lot of places there. The sooner you begin, the sooner you can get a license and the possibly, the sooner you can get a car. When you have kids, the need for one increases.

But you also have to factor in that doctor's appointments, the birth and raising a child will cost money. If you have medical insurance, that would be a good thing.

It might not work out in your best interests financially to move from your grandparent's, but it's something to at least consider. I don't mean that because of arguments necessarily - if those occur, but because you and your partner, along with your child, will be a family unit.

I think once you break the news to your grandparents and deal with some of the backlash, things might settle again into being okay. Or more okay. Steel yourself for some unpleasantness, but if you're central to their lives, they likely will be there for you both. They drive you now, and they'll probably help you later too.
This message was last edited by the user at 09:49, Sun 21 July 2013.

This message was deleted by the user at 13:21, Wed 24 July 2013.

In reply to ericka rider (msg # 46):

Honey, you're young.  Your friends are young.  Hopefully soon they will get over it all (I agree with you they are being selfish to be mad at you).  This is a happy time for you and Andrew, and  your baby.

Not everyone is going to be supportive, but there are resources out there for both of you.  From what you've said, it sounds to me like both your grandparents will yes be angry, but will help and support you.  Good luck.

I wish I had ginny to hang by me and pick me up when I get low points!

You've been really sound with this very sensitive issue, ginny *pats back*

If there's a will there's a way. Most friends are willing to help out with rides at least once in a while. Not pushing religion here on anyone but most religious institutions offer help in various forms. Perhaps something to check. Extended family, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc may be able to pitch in too. I don't know what the job situation is but if doing something like you both getting jobs at the same place or general location is possible then that could help with carpooling. I believe there are some driver training programs that get you your license which would be something to check into. Also, perhaps a moped or scooter is an option for some days? Just throwing out some options.

ericka and Andrew:  Is marriage an option?  Having a baby is not a good reason to get married in itself, but if it's a possibility otherwise, now's a good time to give it serious consideration.  I know the world is much more accustomed to unmarried parents than it used to be, but there are still legalities and attitudes that deal better with that acknowledgement of your commitment to one another and your future together.  Also as an 'older person' I can say if my 18-year-old granddaughter told me she was pregnant, I'd ask her if she was getting married soon, and for all my belief that marrying because you 'have to' is usually a bad idea, I'd still probably rather she said that was in the plans.  Of course if I were his grandparent, he wouldn't have been sleeping with his 18-year-old g/f under my roof with my knowledge.  (My daughters were a bit horrified with how conservative I was about that, and they were long past 18 when the situation came up.  But that may be a factor in my lack of grandchildren of your age.)

More than anything, you need to talk things all through, and present a united front, as a pair of adults, about what you plan.  You are responsible for another life now, how are you going to deal with that, both short- and long-term?  Can you both live together, and then with the baby, with one set of grandparents?  Are ericka's plans for the fall still going to work now she's pregnant?  Ericka's body is going to change in ways you can't really imagine, and her moods and emotions will probably do the same.  Andrew, it's quite common for a pregnant woman to have mood swings that make PMS look like a picnic, and the added stress of your situation isn't going to help.  (Ericka, this is NOT intended as an excuse of not trying to control yourself, expectant fathers have issues too, even though they aren't carrying a foreign entity in their own body!)

About the driving, your grandparents don't sound reasonable on the subject.  Is there any real reason why they don't let your drive so that you can learn?  Regardless, is there no other way for you to learn, a friend?  driving school, if you can afford it?  Even if you can't afford a car right away, being able to drive a borrowed car would be helpful.

And don't forget in your plans, that babies are demanding little creatures, totally dependent on you for everything.  You can expect to be exhausted for quite a while, possibly starting even before the birth, but certainly for months after.

Good luck!