And now for something completely different....

MP

"Theres some things I like about you. You're smart even if you did go to Princeton and Harvard. You make me laugh even when it's at my expense.Heck Especially when it's at my expense. But you're a crazy, sick, son of a Bridge." Karl Clocker- Mr. Murder by Dean Koontz.

"The first question I get asked most often is 'Can you embroider me a set of Quilts with the coat of arms of Napoleon?'"-Dean Koontz from Mr. Murder's Afterword

He made a grab for me, but slow and drunk is no match for fast and scared strawberryless.

-Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children

"It is the dark side of liberty.  A man is not hindered by what cannot be done, so twisted men like Duer apply that liberty to their greed."

Ethan Saunders, The Whiskey Rebels

"I'm a patriot, Captain Saunders, just like you.  This country began in a flash of brilliance, but look at what has happened.  The suffering of human chattel ignored by our government, a small cadre of rich men dictating our national policies.  In the West, men die-they die, sir-as a consequence of this greed.  This is not why my husband fought in the Revolution.  I suspect it's not what you fought for either.  Now I fight to change it.  Better anarchy than an unjust nation that masquerades as a beacon of righteousness.  That would be worse than outright tyranny.

Joan Maycott, The Whiskey Rebels

Maya: I'm almost home.
Lily: Did you get anything good?
Maya: Yeah I got you a pony! But it tried to eat me so I shot it in the head.
Lily: That's disturbing on so many levels.

-State of Decay

"Buyer Beware. I told you my compound would take you places. I never said they'd be places you wanted to go."-Scarecrow in Dark Knight

"The fear of death is the beginning of slavery."
--The Illuminatus! Trilogy

Candy after a spiel about crashing a wedding she was invited to
Candy:So warn your bride to be.
Vanessa the bride to be:Ooh! Tell her when she shows up i'm gonna be motorboatin so far down her cleavage i'll pop out of Narnia's tips!

--Something Positive

"You're too good for him. Run."- Wallace Wells in Scott Pilgrim VS The World.

"I'm starting to see why people say were intellectual equals. And I'm not sure it's a compliment." - Moriarty in the Sherlock Holmes A Game of Shadows Abridged Script.

"For humanity, I reserve my disgust!  And so I have become discarded,
separated from the flesh without human body, subsumed by new flesh as its voice
and shepherd."

"The Advent is coming! The Erasure shall make way for a New Age of perfect form and perfect life! With your death shall come a final peace!"

~ Paavo, Alter Echo

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
 - C.S. Lewis

"I want to scream. I feel one, perched under my chin. But I'm afraid if I did I wouldn't be able to stop." - Will Graham

<Red Dwarf>
Lister: Why don't we ever meet anyone who's pleased to see us?
Cat: Why don't we ever meet anyone who can shoot straight?
</Red Dwarf>

"True friends stab you in the front."

~ Oscar Wilde

"I don't read the script, the script reads me!"
--Kirk Lazarus as Sgt. Lincoln Osiris, Tropic Thunder

"That man is playing Galaga!"
-Tony Stark, The Avengers

"CAR BEWBS"

"He's got the kind of cancer that makes you cough, a lot!"

"The series that novody loves, but no one can change the channel when its on cable"

"From the bookseries that kept Borders open for another few years"

"A romance that is composed entirely of STARES (Stare Montage) and even more stares (Stare Montage Cont.)"

-Honest Trailers

“There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.”

Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

"Mommy is the Friedrich Hayek of parenting and daddy is the John Maynard Keynes of parenting."

Me, to my son, explaining the difference in parenting styles between my wife and I.

From the movie "HANNA"

Sebastian: So Hanna, is your mum and Dad still together?

Hanna: My mother is dead.

Sophie: [to Sebastian] Nice one, Dad.

Sebastian: I'm sorry to hear that. I lost my mum when I was very young, so...

Hanna: It's all right. It happened a long time ago.

Rachel: Hanna, what did your mum die of?

Hanna: Three bullets.

A few gems from the Princess Bride:

'Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.' -The Man in Black

'Sonny, true love is the greatest thing, in the world-except for a nice MLT - mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe...' -Miracle Max

'Prince Humperdinck: First things first, to the death.
Westley: No. To the pain.
Prince Humperdinck: I don't think I'm quite familiar with that phrase.
Westley: I'll explain and I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand, you warthog faced buffoon.
Prince Humperdinck: That may be the first time in my life a man has dared insult me.
Westley: It won't be the last. To the pain means the first thing you will lose will be your feet below the ankles. Then your hands at the wrists. Next your nose.
Prince Humperdinck: And then my tongue I suppose, I killed you too quickly the last time. A mistake I don't mean to duplicate tonight.
Westley: I wasn't finished. The next thing you will lose will be your left eye followed by your right.
Prince Humperdinck: And then my ears, I understand let's get on with it.
Westley: WRONG. Your ears you keep and I'll tell you why. So that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out, "Dear God! What is that thing," will echo in your perfect ears. That is what to the pain means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever.
Prince Humperdinck: I think you're bluffing.
Westley: It's possible, Pig, I might be bluffing. It's conceivable, you miserable, vomitous mass, that I'm only lying here because I lack the strength to stand. But, then again... perhaps I have the strength after all.
[slowly rises and points sword directly at the prince]
Westley: DROP... YOUR... SWORD!
[Humperdinck's mouth hangs open, drops sword to floor]' -TO THE PAIN!

Some recent lego talk from Sips and Sjin of the Yogscast:

Sjin: "Did dinosaurs swim?"
Sips: "Uhh, some did, yes. The tyrannosaurus rex had a distant cousin that had a dorsal fin on the back but still had ridiculously long legs and very short arms and made swimming look fantastic."
Sjin: "How did he do the butterfly stroke, then?"
Sips: "Well, he didn't."
Sips: "I tried to picture that-"
Sips: "He told everybody that he could, then when it came down to it when, uh, when the ankylosaurus was like 'yeah, prove it, T-rex' he was just like 'uhhh, I'm a bit busy now, gotta go!' And then he just, like, sorta stomped away on his big-apple legs and, um, disappeared forever, yeah."
Sjin: "Ohh."
Sips: "That's how they became extinct. Through shame."
[Meanwhile, Kim stands nearby, completely baffled]

"We would have believed it was an accidental shooting if he hadn't changed magazines... TWICE."
-Lord Barons

"Yes, you have lost a lot of blood, but with all the pieces you're missing, you shouldn't need as much."
-Dr. Oscar Schneiderbunk, Visser M.D.

"Most people would say this man is half dead. But I am a doctor. And I like to think of him as half alive."
-Dr. Oscar Schneiderbunk, M.D.


"Well, yes, I did it... but it's not my fault."
"Alright, it is my fault...but I'm not responsible."
"Well, maybe I am responsible... but I'm not to blame."
"Yes, I am to blame... but they made me do it."
-Axly

"Just because it's my gun doesn't mean I'm the one who fired it."
"OK, I fired it, but I didn't think I'd hit any civilians."
"Well, yes, it did occur to me that I might hit one or two civilians. But I really never thought I would hit all of them."
-Axly

"I didn't want to shoot him."
"Well... maybe I did want to shoot him, but I didn't mean to kill him."
"OK. Maybe I did mean to kill him... but he deserved it."
-Axly

"... and grenades are also useful for digging foxholes, removing shrubbery, uncloging drains..."
-Axly's Book of Explosives for Pyromaniacs

Blam. Blam. "Stop." Blam. Blam. "Police."
-Officer Axly

"Is Axly tough? Yes. Talented? Yes. Brave? Oh certainly. He is also erratic, irresponsible, accident-prone, and a constant threat to public safety. The trick is to keep him pointed in the right direction."
-Niki


(All from the sidebars in the Living Steel RPG)

"Do you want the good news or the bad news?"

--My seven year old :)