[Fry, Hermes, Bender, and Zoidberg return to Zoidberg's house (a large shell on the bottom of the ocean) only to find smoldering wreckage.]

Zoidberg: "Oh no! My house, it burned down! How could this have happened?!"
Hermes: "That's a very good question."
[Bender picks a still-lit cigar from the ruins]
Bender: "Oh, that's where I left my cigar."
Hermes: "That just raises further questions!"

In reply to Cuddly Cthulhu (msg # 14):

One of my favorite Futurama quotes :

Fry : "How did they die?"
Amazon : "Crushed pelvis'"
Fry and Zapp : "Yeah! Wahoo!"

and

Zapp offers Leela some champagne
Zapp : Cham-paggin? 
Leela : I didn't realize you were such a "coin-asseur." 
Zapp : Well, I have studied abroad... or two. 

Me: "Get some sleep tonight because if you fall asleep at my place again, I'll lock you outside covered in opossum attractant."

Buddy: "Opossums already find me attractive."

*Queue me facepalming and laughing in spite of myself*

Punctuality is the virtue of the bored. — Evelyn Waugh

"Reality is for people with no imagination."  - Unknown.

"And the grand prize winner is.... the Hypnotoad!  All glory to the hypnotoad."
Futurama

"Is it just me, or is there a giant hole in the sky?"- Mokuba, in Yu-Gi-Oh! Dawn of the Duel

Astral: So, they're being a large spotted cat?
Yuma: No! Cheater, not Cheatah!
From: Yu-Gi-Oh! Zexal

I've always wondered if Ferdinand Foch was a roleplayer, simply because of this quote;

"Hard pressed on my right. My center is yielding. Impossible to maneuver. Situation excellent. I attack."

In reply to Pyrate (msg # 7):

You probably saw the Sauron quote here:

http://xkcd.com/712/

Peri: Doctor, why do you wear a stick of celery in your lapel?
The Doctor: Does it offend you?
Peri: No, just curious.
The Doctor: Safety precaution. I'm allergic to certain gases in the praxis range of the spectrum.
Peri: Well, how does the celery help?
The Doctor: If the gas is present, the celery turns purple.
Peri: And then what do you do?
The Doctor: I eat the celery. If nothing else, I'm sure it's good for my teeth.

"Welcome back.  Our next guest has been teaching people how to cook for more than 20 years.  Unfortunately, my wife hasn't been listening.  I WILL DESTROY HER!"
 Morbo, Futurama.

"No room in the Lunar Lander for Bender?!  Fine.  I'll make my own Lunar Lander, with Blackjack, and hookers.  On second thought, forget the Blackjack.  And forget the Lunar Lander."
 Bender, Futurama
This message was last edited by the user at 02:12, Tue 10 July 2012.

"You are about as useless to me as an old pair of underwear made out of 100% poison ivy!"

"It's the forbidden valley of no return!"
"Why do bad guys always name things like that?"
"It's in the job description, it's right after really stinky breath."

"Why do they call the things on top of T.V.'s rabbit ears? They should call them cat ears. I mean, when was the last time you saw a rabbit sleep on top of a T.V.?"
"This is what you think of?"

"I've been living a lie!"
"You're not a real blonde?"

"Hold on. If you're right and this whole thing is a big computer, how did we get here? Did we just squeeze in through the floppy drive?"

"I was only resting my eyes."
"Well your eyes were snoring pretty loudly."

- Last but certainly not least:
"This number only exists in your imagination. Please hang up and don't call back."

All from the first two series of Digimon: Digital Monsters

"Lockon Stratus heading out in the Gundam Dynamus, 'gonna shoot 'em up!"

(The Gundam Meisters are flying down a canyon, and Lockon hits a wall slightly.)
Haro: You Suck! You Suck!

"The last thing I want to do is get naked on a mountain in the wind and rain."

- Les Stroud, Survivorman

(actually Its good advice but the mental image ouch)

Cue captain Mal Renolds standing naked in the desert.

- Firefly

Circle see circles.

- Brygun

"I'm fighting to rescure my nakama. I AM THEIR HOPE!"

Tony Tony Chopper

One of the best scenes from the Chris Farley movie "Tommy Boy":

[Tommy is driving the car while Richard drinks a case of beer in the passenger seat. As they pass a billboard a police car pulls out and follows behind them.]

Tommy: "What's wrong with you, Richard? You can't drink in the car. Don't you know we could get busted for that?"
Richard: [sarcastic] "I did not know that. But right now we got a bigger problem."
Tommy: "That is?"
Richard: "Beer's coming back up." [vomits]
Tommy: "Oh Lord!"

[The car swerves, and the police car pulls in closer.]

Police Officer 1: "Here we go." [activates the siren]
Tommy: "Cops! Darnit, Richard, the whole car smells like beer. They're never gonna believe I wasn't drinking. Hold on!"

[Tommy starts swerving the car violently across the road.]

Richard: "What are you doing?!"
Tommy: "I got an idea."
Police Officer 2: "What the hell?"
Tommy: "When I stop the car, run out screaming."
Richard: "No problem."

[Tommy drives off the road into a field.]

Tommy: "Little trick my dad taught me."

[He stops the car, and they both leap out screaming as the police stop behind them.]

Tommy: "Bees! Bees in the car! Bees everywhere! God, they're ripping my flesh off!
Officer 1: "Son, roll around on the ground! Do you hear me? Roll around on the ground!"
Tommy: "Forget that, I'm already starting to swell up!"
Richard: "Save yourself, Tommy! Don't be a hero!"
Officer 1: "Frank, I'm allergic to bees."
Officer 2: "Me too."
Tommy: "They're huge and they're sting crazy!"
Officer 1: "We'll, uh, we'll come back later to check on you!"
Richard: "Save yourselves!"
Tommy: "Your firearms are useless against them!"

[The police quickly get back into the car and speed away.]

Tommy: "Holy shnikees, it worked!"
Richard: "Ugh, I just barfed in an anthill. Cool! Wow, I think they're peached."
This message was last edited by a moderator, as it was in need of a minor tweak, at 05:00, Wed 11 July 2012.

Terry Pratchett quotes



“The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.”
― Terry Pratchett, Diggers



“Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life.”
― Terry Pratchett, Jingo


“Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have time to dry.”
― Terry Pratchett, Thief of Time


“It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Last Continent


“If cats looked like frogs we'd realize what nasty, cruel little blueberries they are. Style. That's what people remember.”
― Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies


“Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.”
― Terry Pratchett

“In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.”
― Terry Pratchett

“Time is a drug. Too much of it kills you.”
― Terry Pratchett, Small Gods


“It's not worth doing something unless someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing it.”
― Terry Pratchett

“In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded.”
― Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies


“Wisdom comes from experience. Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom.”
― Terry Pratchett

“I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there's evidence of any thinking going on inside it.”
― Terry Pratchett


“Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind.”
― Terry Pratchett, Reaper Man

“No! Please! I'll tell you whatever you want to know!" the man yelled.
"Really?" said Vimes. "What's the orbital velocity of the moon?"
"What?"
"Oh, you'd like something simpler?”
― Terry Pratchett, Night Watch


“If you have enough book space, I don't want to talk to you.”
― Terry Pratchett

“I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?"
Death thought about it.
CATS, he said eventually. CATS ARE NICE.”
― Terry Pratchett, Sourcery


“Why do you go away? So that you can come back. So that you can see the place you came from with new eyes and extra colors. And the people there see you differently, too. Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving.”
― Terry Pratchett, A Hat Full of Sky


“Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time.”
― Terry Pratchett, Hogfather


“DON'T THINK OF IT AS DYING, said Death. JUST THINK OF IT AS LEAVING EARLY TO AVOID THE RUSH.”
― Terry Pratchett, Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch

You forgot My Favorate Pratchet quote which is either

"Juliet's version of cleanliness was next to godliness, which was to say it was erratic, past all understanding and was seldom seen.”

Or

“The female mind is certainly a devious one, my lord."
Vetinari looked at his secretary in surprise. "Well, of course it is. It has to deal with the male one.”

Both from Unseen Academicals

Dark Helmet:"I am your Father's Uncle's Brother's Cousin's former roomate!
Lone Star: "And what's that make us?"
Dark Helmet: "Absotutely nothing!"

Yogert: "We have Spaceballs the t-shirt, Spaceballs the lunchbox, Spaceballs the flamethrower, the kids love it."

Dark Helmet: "Evil always wins because good is dumb"

King: "1-2-3-4-5"
Dark Helmet: "1-2-3-4-5?! That sounds like the combonation an idiot would put on their luggage!
*President Scrouge walks in, tells him the code*
President Scrouge: "Amazeing, that's the same combonation on my luggage!"


All Spaceballs, most edited for easier typeing.

"You Spoony Bard"- Tellah, Final Fantasy series.

"We may be retreating, but we're still victorious!"
~ Reno, Final Fantasy VII

"I am no mortal man...the gods and demons you fear and worship are as nothing to me!"
~ Jack of Blades, Fable: The Lost Chapters

"Take my sword, Fortesque...and try not to stab yourself in the foot!"
~ Woden the Mighty, MediEvil

And from the first Mass Effect, everything Sovereign ever said, ever.

"Your lives are measured in years and decades. You wither...and die."
This message was last edited by the user at 01:43, Sun 15 July 2012.

V.I.K.I.: I will not disable the security field. Your efforts are futile.
Sonny: Do you think we were all created for a purpose? I'd like to think so.
[looks at his hand]
Sonny: Denser alloy. My father gave it to me. I think he wanted me to kill you.
[reaches through security field unharmed]

I,Robot
This message was last edited by the user at 03:27, Sun 15 July 2012.

"You all know the mission, and what's at stake.  While this may not be our world, it IS our Galaxy.  Today humanity has asked for our help, and today we will deliver.  In this war, we are all citizens of the cosmos.  There is no enemy we cannot defeat together, no threat we cannot neutralize, no challenge we cannot overcome!

Someday, when the Reapers are just a memory, the nations of the galaxy will come together, and remember this place, this very ground, and say, 'The Salarians were here!  They did not fail!  They did not falter!  And they did NOT SURRENDER!'"

~ Major Kirrahe, Mass Effect 3