He would have finished him off then and there, but pity stayed his hand. "It's a pity I've run out of bullets," he thought as he went back up the tunnel...

- Bored of the Rings

“A winner is you!” - Pro Wrestling

"A stupid man's report of what a clever man says is never accurate because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand."
Now what he meant to say is...

-Bill Bailey quoting Bertrand Russell

"I have made a ceaseless effort not to ridicule, not to bewail, not to scorn human actions, but to understand them." — Baruch Spinoza
"Yeah, Baruch, I've made a ceaseless effort too. No luck so far." — me

"It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life, I have been searching for evidence which could support this." — Bertrand Russell

"What's karma?"
"You know on pies? The pie crust? It's the little wrinkles on pie crust."
"It is?"
"Yeah. So if you go to a restaurant, and you don't like the crust of your pie, you can say 'This pie has bad karma,' and send it back."
 — anonymous

"I'll DESTROY her!"

- Rarity, in a line which just made me collapse laughing.

"Eternal chaos comes with chocolate rain, you guys!"

- Pinkie Pie

"Liberty. Reason. Justice. Civility. Edification. Perfection.

MAIL."

 - PM

"Service in the military, for those of you unfortunate enough never to have experienced it firsthand, consists of long periods of of boredom broken by mind-shredding threats to one's life and sanity.  From what I can gather from the old tapes, it's always been like that.  The best soldiers are those who can wake suddenly, react instantly, and aim precisely.

Unfortunately, none of those traits are shared by the military intelligence that controls those soldiers."


~ Michael Liberty, Starcraft (Novel: Liberty's Crusade)
This message was last edited by the user at 17:19, Thu 21 June 2012.

Saruman: All the single ladies
Sauron: All the single ladies
Saruman: All the Single ladies
Sauron: All the Single ladies
Saruman: If you like it you should have put a ring on it
Sauron: ...
Saruman: Too soon?
Sauron: Dude. Not cool.

Sauron and Saruman on Facebook

Wish I could remember where I saw this ^_^;

I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it.

-- Mark Twain

"Human beings are the only animal that blushes, or needs to."  -  Mark Twain.

"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects."

- Robert A. Heinlein - Time Enough for Love (1973)

"Certainty of death. Small chance of success. What are we waiting for." - Gimli

Linda: “And so with two weeks left in the campaign, the question on everyone’s mind is, who will be the president of Earth? Jack Johnson or bitter rival John Jackson. Two terrific candidates, Morbo?”
Morbo: “All humans are vermin in the eyes of Morbo!”

Linda: “All in all, this is one day Mittens the kitten won’t soon forget.”
Morbo: “Kittens give Morbo gas."

Morbo: Morbo wishes these stalwart nomads peace among the Dutch tulips!
Linda: I’m sure those windmills will keep them cool.
Morbo: Windmills do not work that way! [He turns to the camera.] Goodnight!

Morbo: “Morbo can’t understand his TelePrompTer. He forgot how you say that letter that looks like a man with a hat.”
Linda: “It’s a T, it goes tah.”
Morbo: “Hello little man. I WILL DESTROY YOU!”

Futureama rocks!

Farnsworth: During the time skips, we act normal, but then we don't remember a thing.
Fry: Kinda like...
*skip*
Farnsworth: Yes! Oh, like that.

*time skip*
Farnsworth: Off you go, apparently!

[Fry, Hermes, Bender, and Zoidberg return to Zoidberg's house (a large shell on the bottom of the ocean) only to find smoldering wreckage.]

Zoidberg: "Oh no! My house, it burned down! How could this have happened?!"
Hermes: "That's a very good question."
[Bender picks a still-lit cigar from the ruins]
Bender: "Oh, that's where I left my cigar."
Hermes: "That just raises further questions!"

In reply to Cuddly Cthulhu (msg # 14):

One of my favorite Futurama quotes :

Fry : "How did they die?"
Amazon : "Crushed pelvis'"
Fry and Zapp : "Yeah! Wahoo!"

and

Zapp offers Leela some champagne
Zapp : Cham-paggin? 
Leela : I didn't realize you were such a "coin-asseur." 
Zapp : Well, I have studied abroad... or two. 

Me: "Get some sleep tonight because if you fall asleep at my place again, I'll lock you outside covered in opossum attractant."

Buddy: "Opossums already find me attractive."

*Queue me facepalming and laughing in spite of myself*

Punctuality is the virtue of the bored. — Evelyn Waugh

"Reality is for people with no imagination."  - Unknown.

"And the grand prize winner is.... the Hypnotoad!  All glory to the hypnotoad."
Futurama

"Is it just me, or is there a giant hole in the sky?"- Mokuba, in Yu-Gi-Oh! Dawn of the Duel

Astral: So, they're being a large spotted cat?
Yuma: No! Cheater, not Cheatah!
From: Yu-Gi-Oh! Zexal

I've always wondered if Ferdinand Foch was a roleplayer, simply because of this quote;

"Hard pressed on my right. My center is yielding. Impossible to maneuver. Situation excellent. I attack."

In reply to Pyrate (msg # 7):

You probably saw the Sauron quote here:

http://xkcd.com/712/

Peri: Doctor, why do you wear a stick of celery in your lapel?
The Doctor: Does it offend you?
Peri: No, just curious.
The Doctor: Safety precaution. I'm allergic to certain gases in the praxis range of the spectrum.
Peri: Well, how does the celery help?
The Doctor: If the gas is present, the celery turns purple.
Peri: And then what do you do?
The Doctor: I eat the celery. If nothing else, I'm sure it's good for my teeth.

"Welcome back.  Our next guest has been teaching people how to cook for more than 20 years.  Unfortunately, my wife hasn't been listening.  I WILL DESTROY HER!"
 Morbo, Futurama.

"No room in the Lunar Lander for Bender?!  Fine.  I'll make my own Lunar Lander, with Blackjack, and hookers.  On second thought, forget the Blackjack.  And forget the Lunar Lander."
 Bender, Futurama
This message was last edited by the user at 02:12, Tue 10 July 2012.

"You are about as useless to me as an old pair of underwear made out of 100% poison ivy!"

"It's the forbidden valley of no return!"
"Why do bad guys always name things like that?"
"It's in the job description, it's right after really stinky breath."

"Why do they call the things on top of T.V.'s rabbit ears? They should call them cat ears. I mean, when was the last time you saw a rabbit sleep on top of a T.V.?"
"This is what you think of?"

"I've been living a lie!"
"You're not a real blonde?"

"Hold on. If you're right and this whole thing is a big computer, how did we get here? Did we just squeeze in through the floppy drive?"

"I was only resting my eyes."
"Well your eyes were snoring pretty loudly."

- Last but certainly not least:
"This number only exists in your imagination. Please hang up and don't call back."

All from the first two series of Digimon: Digital Monsters

"Lockon Stratus heading out in the Gundam Dynamus, 'gonna shoot 'em up!"

(The Gundam Meisters are flying down a canyon, and Lockon hits a wall slightly.)
Haro: You Suck! You Suck!

"The last thing I want to do is get naked on a mountain in the wind and rain."

- Les Stroud, Survivorman

(actually Its good advice but the mental image ouch)

Cue captain Mal Renolds standing naked in the desert.

- Firefly

Circle see circles.

- Brygun

"I'm fighting to rescure my nakama. I AM THEIR HOPE!"

Tony Tony Chopper

One of the best scenes from the Chris Farley movie "Tommy Boy":

[Tommy is driving the car while Richard drinks a case of beer in the passenger seat. As they pass a billboard a police car pulls out and follows behind them.]

Tommy: "What's wrong with you, Richard? You can't drink in the car. Don't you know we could get busted for that?"
Richard: [sarcastic] "I did not know that. But right now we got a bigger problem."
Tommy: "That is?"
Richard: "Beer's coming back up." [vomits]
Tommy: "Oh Lord!"

[The car swerves, and the police car pulls in closer.]

Police Officer 1: "Here we go." [activates the siren]
Tommy: "Cops! Darnit, Richard, the whole car smells like beer. They're never gonna believe I wasn't drinking. Hold on!"

[Tommy starts swerving the car violently across the road.]

Richard: "What are you doing?!"
Tommy: "I got an idea."
Police Officer 2: "What the hell?"
Tommy: "When I stop the car, run out screaming."
Richard: "No problem."

[Tommy drives off the road into a field.]

Tommy: "Little trick my dad taught me."

[He stops the car, and they both leap out screaming as the police stop behind them.]

Tommy: "Bees! Bees in the car! Bees everywhere! God, they're ripping my flesh off!
Officer 1: "Son, roll around on the ground! Do you hear me? Roll around on the ground!"
Tommy: "Forget that, I'm already starting to swell up!"
Richard: "Save yourself, Tommy! Don't be a hero!"
Officer 1: "Frank, I'm allergic to bees."
Officer 2: "Me too."
Tommy: "They're huge and they're sting crazy!"
Officer 1: "We'll, uh, we'll come back later to check on you!"
Richard: "Save yourselves!"
Tommy: "Your firearms are useless against them!"

[The police quickly get back into the car and speed away.]

Tommy: "Holy shnikees, it worked!"
Richard: "Ugh, I just barfed in an anthill. Cool! Wow, I think they're peached."
This message was last edited by a moderator, as it was in need of a minor tweak, at 05:00, Wed 11 July 2012.

Terry Pratchett quotes



“The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.”
― Terry Pratchett, Diggers



“Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life.”
― Terry Pratchett, Jingo


“Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have time to dry.”
― Terry Pratchett, Thief of Time


“It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Last Continent


“If cats looked like frogs we'd realize what nasty, cruel little blueberries they are. Style. That's what people remember.”
― Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies


“Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.”
― Terry Pratchett

“In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.”
― Terry Pratchett

“Time is a drug. Too much of it kills you.”
― Terry Pratchett, Small Gods


“It's not worth doing something unless someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing it.”
― Terry Pratchett

“In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded.”
― Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies


“Wisdom comes from experience. Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom.”
― Terry Pratchett

“I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there's evidence of any thinking going on inside it.”
― Terry Pratchett


“Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind.”
― Terry Pratchett, Reaper Man

“No! Please! I'll tell you whatever you want to know!" the man yelled.
"Really?" said Vimes. "What's the orbital velocity of the moon?"
"What?"
"Oh, you'd like something simpler?”
― Terry Pratchett, Night Watch


“If you have enough book space, I don't want to talk to you.”
― Terry Pratchett

“I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?"
Death thought about it.
CATS, he said eventually. CATS ARE NICE.”
― Terry Pratchett, Sourcery


“Why do you go away? So that you can come back. So that you can see the place you came from with new eyes and extra colors. And the people there see you differently, too. Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving.”
― Terry Pratchett, A Hat Full of Sky


“Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time.”
― Terry Pratchett, Hogfather


“DON'T THINK OF IT AS DYING, said Death. JUST THINK OF IT AS LEAVING EARLY TO AVOID THE RUSH.”
― Terry Pratchett, Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch

You forgot My Favorate Pratchet quote which is either

"Juliet's version of cleanliness was next to godliness, which was to say it was erratic, past all understanding and was seldom seen.”

Or

“The female mind is certainly a devious one, my lord."
Vetinari looked at his secretary in surprise. "Well, of course it is. It has to deal with the male one.”

Both from Unseen Academicals

Dark Helmet:"I am your Father's Uncle's Brother's Cousin's former roomate!
Lone Star: "And what's that make us?"
Dark Helmet: "Absotutely nothing!"

Yogert: "We have Spaceballs the t-shirt, Spaceballs the lunchbox, Spaceballs the flamethrower, the kids love it."

Dark Helmet: "Evil always wins because good is dumb"

King: "1-2-3-4-5"
Dark Helmet: "1-2-3-4-5?! That sounds like the combonation an idiot would put on their luggage!
*President Scrouge walks in, tells him the code*
President Scrouge: "Amazeing, that's the same combonation on my luggage!"


All Spaceballs, most edited for easier typeing.

"You Spoony Bard"- Tellah, Final Fantasy series.

"We may be retreating, but we're still victorious!"
~ Reno, Final Fantasy VII

"I am no mortal man...the gods and demons you fear and worship are as nothing to me!"
~ Jack of Blades, Fable: The Lost Chapters

"Take my sword, Fortesque...and try not to stab yourself in the foot!"
~ Woden the Mighty, MediEvil

And from the first Mass Effect, everything Sovereign ever said, ever.

"Your lives are measured in years and decades. You wither...and die."
This message was last edited by the user at 01:43, Sun 15 July 2012.

V.I.K.I.: I will not disable the security field. Your efforts are futile.
Sonny: Do you think we were all created for a purpose? I'd like to think so.
[looks at his hand]
Sonny: Denser alloy. My father gave it to me. I think he wanted me to kill you.
[reaches through security field unharmed]

I,Robot
This message was last edited by the user at 03:27, Sun 15 July 2012.

"You all know the mission, and what's at stake.  While this may not be our world, it IS our Galaxy.  Today humanity has asked for our help, and today we will deliver.  In this war, we are all citizens of the cosmos.  There is no enemy we cannot defeat together, no threat we cannot neutralize, no challenge we cannot overcome!

Someday, when the Reapers are just a memory, the nations of the galaxy will come together, and remember this place, this very ground, and say, 'The Salarians were here!  They did not fail!  They did not falter!  And they did NOT SURRENDER!'"

~ Major Kirrahe, Mass Effect 3

Cabose: "Here's a place for Griff to sleap."
Griff: "Oh, yea!"
Cabose: "And here's the place where Sarge can turn up the heat in the place where Griff sleeps."
*Griff's on fire*
Griff: "Ow"

"Eyeball 3000" (Red&Blues name for their monitor guide: Don't touch that.
Church: Why, do they belong to red team?
EB3000:No, their armed and have a 50 megaton payload
Church: Oh, that's a good reason to.

Cabose: I have the tank. I have th- oops, not my fault someone put your body in the way.... Free gernades for everybody!....You get the last one, no, don't...*boom* Ow.

"Pillage THEN burn..."

"The reason the Cephaloid army do do so well in wartime, is that war is chaos and the Cephaloid army is practicing chaos on daily basis"

"Your soul is like your appendix, I don't even use it!" - Michael Kelso

Seven Habits of Highly Effective Pirates
1. Pillage, then burn.
2. A Sergeant in motion outranks a Lieutenant who doesn’t know what’s going on.
3. An ordnance technician at a dead run outranks everybody.
4. Close air support covereth a multitude of sins.
5. Close air support and friendly fire should be easier to tell apart.
6. If violence wasn’t your last resort, you failed to resort to enough of it.
11. Everything is air-droppable at least once.
13. Do unto others.
17: The longer everything goes according to plan, the bigger the impending disaster.
18: If the officers are leading from in front, watch out for an attack from the rear.
20: If you’re not willing to shell your own position, you’re not willing to win.
24. Any sufficiently advance technology is indistinguishable from a big gun.
27. Don’t be afraid to be the first to resort to violence.
29. The enemy of my enemy is my enemy’s enemy. No more. No less.
30. A little trust goes a long way. The less you use, the further you’ll go.
31. Only cheaters prosper.
34. If you’re leaving scorch-marks, you need a bigger gun.
35. That which does not kill you has made a tactical error.
36. When the going gets tough, the tough call for close air support.
37. There is no ‘overkill.’ There is only ‘open fire’ and ‘I need to reload.’

- Shlock Mercenary

Mongo only pawn in game of Life!

                         Alex Karras
                         Blazing Saddles

Big Bang Theory

Penny: Who's head did I blow off?
Sheldon: Mine
30 seconds later
Penny: There goes your head again!
Sheldon: It's not good to kill someone who just respaw... Oh, come on! *picks up controler*
Time lapse
Lenoard: Penny, you're on fire!
Penny: So is Sheldon!
Later...
Penny: Sheldon, it's raining you!!!

My two favourite tear-jerker lines(seriously, no matter my mood, the time of day, the setting, or what, they always reduce me to a lip-quivering crybaby) are both from Doctor Who.

"Labour camps. That's what they called them last time."

--Wilfred Mott, 'Turn Left'

"They leave. Because they should. Or they find someone else. And some of them, some of them....forget me. I suppose in the end, they break my heart."

--The Doctor, 'The Next Doctor'

As for the ones that crack me up, I think top one goes to Star Trek: Deep Space Nine...

"FIND HIM AND KILL HIM!"

--Worf, 'Take Me Out To the Holosuite'

Actually, now that I think about it, everything Worf does is hilarious to me.

"My grandmother taught me to be patient with fools but she never, ever said anything about full-on morons..."     - Kyra Gottesman (a columnist in my local paper)


"The source of violence is not poverty. It is not gender. It is not race. It is not lack of education. It is not society.

It is self-interest. And on this front, the self-proclaimed pacifists are no better than the violent. They just use different tools. "       -Mark MacYoung


And here's one I found, but if someone knows the attribution, I'd appreciate a note.


“Biologists think they are biochemists
biochemists think they are physical chemists
physical chemists think they are physicists
physicists think they are God...

and God? He thinks he's a mathematician.”
- Unknown
This message was last edited by the user at 17:02, Wed 25 July 2012.

"Violence stinks, no matter which end of it you're on. But now and then there's nothing left to do but hit the other person over the head with a frying pan."


Tom Robbins quote from Even Cowgirls Get the Blues

"If everyone was like her, we'd either be extinct or super advanced."

-Can't remember who...

Ira Bear (Irene Cobbler): "You know what they say, If it looks like a fox, acts like a fox, and yips like a fox, it's probably a fox."
Fenton Fox (Fenton Cobbler): "It's a duck."

From the book Bait and Switch.
Setup: Toon name (Real name)

Ira's a yellow teddy bear, fenton's, well, a fox anthro, both toons, but I just see Fenton as a normal fox anthro painted in ink-and-paint.

Plebs are needed.

- Caesar II

Sarge is dead.

- Army men.

"Humans need fantasy to be human"
-Death
Hogfather Terry Pratchet.

"Your character suddenly remembers that fist can be a verb..."

GM Me, table top 2nd ed. AD&D, to the least popular person AND character at the table, at a time when the comment made sense. Painful, painful sense.

"But I am Napoleon!"

- Napoleon, from a Bugs Bunny cartoon as they take Nappy away in a straight jacket.

In reply to Brygun (msg # 53):

Wacko: "Dust for prints"
(a little later)
Dot: "I found Prince!"
Wacko: "No no no. Finger-prints"
Dot (looks at prince): "I don't think so..."

From the Animaniacs.

"Shazbot!"

- Many people

The call that signifies the end of every game of Tribes : Ascend, as people rage and run.

"A kind man is a pateint wolf."-Unknown

"You cannot trust quotations on the internet." Albert Einstein.

Oh, man...!  And here I thought George Washington was the one who said that!!!

In reply to facemaker329 (msg # 58):

"Oh, man...!  And here I thought George Washington was the one who said that!!!" DjinShakin

I believe the correct quotation from Albert Einstein was
"Don't trust everything I say on the internet"

Just remembered this written on a schools library wall:

E=mc2
 - Einstein

(scribbled just below)
 'Nice Al, but next time show your work'

"Disperse, loyal battle monkeys!Do my bidding and bust a cap!"- Overlord Zetta, Makai Kingdom

"If God did not exist, Man would have to Create him."  - Unknown *


This quote was posted on the classroom wall of my History teacher, a former Air Force pilot who flew missions during the Korean War.  It always struck me as interesting, since he made sure (be it World History, American History, or Political Science) that his students were aware of the role that 'religion' played for every culture, government,and time period we studied.  Though he never directly referred to the quote or pointed to it on his wall, it definitely made everyone think as they sat down and the lesson began for it being where all could see it as they entered the room.

"42.7 percent of statistics are made up on the spot."
-Steven Wright

In reply to Heath (msg # 64):

I thought it was 66%?

This is actually a quote from Voltaire, of course, he said it in French which probably made it more painful.

This is also the man who gave us
• If God has made us in his image, we have returned him the favor.
• It is better to risk sparing a guilty person than to condemn an innocent one.
• It is dangerous to be right in matters where established men are wrong.
• It is difficult to free fools from the chains they revere.
• ...and my favorite...
  A witty saying proves nothing.

In reply to Cheeze (msg # 65):

He probably says a different percentage every time he gets on stage. ;)

In reply to Blazeinferno (msg # 38):

Ah, that still gives me shivers to hear...but it was ME2...not 3. :-)

Isstvan: But why does no one take the time to know the Real Isstvan? The Isstvan who loves flowers and puppy dogs?

Garkin: You like...??

Isstvan: Baked together at 375 degrees with a pinch of garlic (smiles beatifically)

Garkin: (downcast look on his face) I had to ask.........



                        Myth Adventures
                        the comic series/graphic novel #6
                        Phil Foglio, writer and artist.

Ty  for that info. :)  Always wondered where orginally came from; it was tagged unknown on the 8 1/2 x 11 sheet of paper it was printed on.

57,2% of all statistics have an added comma to appear more credible

10 to 80% of all statistics are unclear to some extend

20% or equal to a fourth of all statistics contain calculation errors

Incorrect: That is the speech Kirrahe gives on Earth in Mass Effect 3 just before the final battle.  He only appears there if both Wrex and Wreav are dead, and of course he survived Virmire.

I feel like a little girl Lolth paused in mid-pirouette. Have the cook send one up!

                                          Paul Kidd
                                          Queen of the Demonweb Pits

Ansem, Seeker of Darkness: "Kingdom Hearts, fill me with the power of darkness!"
Sora: "No, now, I know without a doubt, that Kingdom Hearts... is light!"

Micky: "Go get him, Riku!"
Riku: "Okay!"
Young Xeonheart: "I said- hands off!"

(next is original, but I really like it)
Salex (letter): "I never thought I could hurt you, even if I tried. But by trying to protect you, I hurt you worst of all. I'm sorry all I left you to remember my by... are my lies..."

All are KH, first is the original KH, second is from Dream Drop Distance, third, as I said, appears as the end of the letter Salex wrote to Ane that was delievered to her at the end of one of my stories, which I'd just named and forgot it's name, by Salex's Somebody, Day.

Real life quote: my friend

Me: I figured you'd be awake, as (insert name of other good friend here) sleeps to, like, 12.

Friend: Well, I'm standing up...

(paper in coach's classroom)

Stress relief
(circle w/ "bang head here")
1. tape paper to flat, solid surface
2. follow instructions in circle
3. repeat step 2 untill stress is relieved, or unconcious.
4. If unconcious, cease stress relief immediately.

"Ending a sentence with a proposition is something up with which I will not put."
--Churchill

"Super Thug is the Greatest of them All!"-Super Thug from old dynomutt cartoons.

Made by one of my players in the aftermath of a fight which left one of the members down and bleeding and everyone shouting for the medic.

"The shortest horror story: The last man on Earth sat alone in a room. There was a knock on the door." -Frederic Brown

In reply to Cuddly Cthulhu (msg # 79):

Or the horrifying variation:
"The last man on Earth, driven to mental exhaustion by lonliness, jumps off the roof of a building to end it all.
On the way down, he hears a phone ring."

Mud, mud,
glorious mud.
Nothing quite like it
for cooling the blood.
—Flanders and Swann

Man, save Man....
  The Xfiles ( cant rememebr the details)

"The laws are made of iron, not pudding Jon Snow." -- Stannis Baratheon, A Dance with Dragons, George R.R. Martin.

"Memory, like fire, is radiant and immutable while history serves only those who seek to control it, those who douse the flame of memory in order to put out the dangerous fire of truth. Beware these men for they are dangerous themselves and unwise. Their false history is written in the blood of those who might remember and of those who seek the truth."
~ The X-Files

Chuck Norris wanted to sell his own energy drink. So he peed in a can and called it Red Bull.
-joke from someone on World of Warcraft

"So avoid using the word ‘very’ because it’s lazy. A man is not very tired, he is exhausted. Don’t use very sad, use morose. Language was invented for one reason, boys - to woo women - and, in that endeavor, laziness will not do. It also won’t do in your essays." — John Keating, Dead Poet Society

“The foreigners believe our size and strength are the reason that none of them is a match for a barbarian. But that is not the true reason. These weaklings simply lack balls.”

 – Utterance attributed to Kuthroc, the
legendary warlord

"And now something completely different!"
- Unknown


:D

That sounds like the quote used by Monty Python on occasion.   Always a fine thing.

"I'd like to order a sit-down orgy for fourteen."
  Captain Miles Gloriousus, A Funny Thing Happened On the Way to the Forum

In reply to Jordan Task (msg # 90):

In which part was that said?

Shortly after he rides into town to collect his slave.  I think the actual word for word quote was:

"Arrange food, drink, entertainment, and a sit-down orgy for fourteen."
This message was last edited by the user at 07:27, Tue 28 Aug 2012.

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum has some wonderful quotes

Miles Gloriosus: Oh, her bridal bower becomes a burial bier of bitter bereavement!
Pseudolus: Very good! Can you say "Titus the tailor told ten tall tales to Titania the titmouse"?

Lycus: If I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times; do not fan the girls when they're wet! But you'll never learn, you'll be a eunuch all your life.

Philia: That's the brute who raped my country, Thrace!
Pseudolus: He raped Thrace?
Philia: And then he came and did it again! And then again!
Pseudolus: He raped Thrace thrice?
This message was last edited by the user at 08:52, Tue 28 Aug 2012.

This is from a member of the high school football team I play on:
"I'm not Gay, I just like rainbows."

"Mess not in the affairs of Humans for we are many and like High Explosives."
QuickDraw the Shadowrunner to Lowfyr the Dragon

"You know, you tried to kill me, that's fair. You blew up my car, that's fair. You made my girlfriend cry, that I have to kill you for."
QuickDraw the Shadowrunner to Red Samurai Hit Squad.

"Fear me for I am cute and cuddly!"
Buffy Summers in A reason to be Atheist fanfic


"Rupert Giles: This ring is worn only by members of the Order of Taraka. It's a society of deadly assassins dating back to King Solomon.
Xander: And didn't they beat the Elks this year in the Sunnydale Adult Bowling League Championships?
Rupert Giles: Their credo is to sow discord and kill the unwary.
Xander: Bowling is a vicious game."
Dr. Rupert Giles and Alexander Lavelle Harris

“I could not let him win. Not then. It meant the life of at least two people. So, right there and then, in the middle of that god-forsaken desert, I threw myself at the Fallen. I saved the humans. I lost 3 years. It was a fair trade.”
  -Hermaniel, Angel of Heaven

“If you ever get a chance to fight a dragon... pass.”
   -Michael, ArchAngel of Heaven

“It is humorous that they lift their glasses to the slavery we offer them. What fools these mortals be.”
   -Amore, Ruler of Hell

Line from the first Superman movie:

Superman: "Is that how you get your jollies, Luthor?   From threatening the deaths of millions of innocent people?"

Luthor: "Of course not.   I get them from CAUSING the deaths of millions of innocent people."

"A man who can safely drive a car and kiss a woman is not giving the kiss the attention the kiss properly deserve."
--Albert Einstein.

  From Lunar, a sign found in deplorable slave-labor mine:

  Our Employee of the Month is Nyaarg D'spair.  His motto: "Dig!  Dig!  Dig or they'll kill you!"  Congratulation Nyaarg and remember, the power of the goddess will soon be ours.

"Zoidberg, stop! We are too scared to enjoy the ceremony of your death!"

In reply to ThorgarTheBlooded (msg # 102):

(Uncharted)

There's blood everywhere.....and soup!

From Kelso323 over on Deviantart.com.

Personal Quote: I have a bullet with your name on it, and I'm going to keep firing my weapon till I find that bullet.

Dr. Zoidberg: Now open your mouth and lets have a look at that brain.
<Fry opens his mouth>
Dr. Zoidberg: No, no, not that mouth.
Fry: I only have one.
Dr. Zoidberg: Really?
<Flips through Fry's medical chart>
Fry: Uh... is there a human doctor around?
Dr. Zoidberg: Young lady, I am an expert on humans. Now pick a mouth, open it and say "brglgrglgrrr"!
Fry: Uh... bzzggrrrzzbbzzrrr!
Dr. Zoidberg: What? My mother was a saint! Get out!

"It does matter! Remember the reason you are here! The reason you are fighting now! A human soul could could not take this much pain if you didn't care!"

--Berserk


"The light of God's morning enters even into dark and lonesome lands." said Solomon Kane solemnly. "Evil rules in the waste lands of the earth, but even evil may come to an end. Dawn follows midnight, and even in this lost land, the shadows shrink.

"Strange are thy ways, oh God of my people, and who and I to question Thy wisdom? My feet have fallen in evil ways, but thou hast bought me forth scatheless, and hast made me a scourge for the Powers of Evil. Over the souls of men spread the condor wings of colossal monsters, and all manner of evil things prey on the heart and soul and body of Man. Yet it may be that in some far day the shadows shall fade and the Prince of Darkness be chained forever in his hell. And till then, mankind can but stand up stoutly to the monsters in his own heart and without, and with the aid of God he may yet triumph."

--Robert E. Howard. That quote always makes me want to play a Paladin. :)
This message was last edited by the user at 21:42, Thu 13 Sept 2012.

"The American Robin heralds the beginning of spring in temperate climates across North America.  It's red breast makes it easily identifiable as the most disturbingly efficient murderer in the animal kingdom."
  The Onion's Horrifying Planet, Episode 4

*Me, sitting at computer, leaning back, useing wired 360 controler to play Re:Chain of Memories, pounding A to use my attack cards*

Me: Die Repliku, Die!

My brother: Why you saying that?

Me: Because he's annoying and...

*I win fight*

Me: Yes! Now I only need to kill him once more in 2 floors.... yay!

Repliku fights are annoying...

In reply to doomedfate (msg # 108):

"don't believe what they tell you , it hurts to win!"

anonymous

"One. Martian society will be composed of many different cultures. It is better to think of it as a world rather than a nation. Freedom of religion and cultural practice must be guaranteed. No one culture or group of cultures should be able to dominate the rest."
"Two. Within this framework of diversity, it still must be guaranteed that all individuals on Mars have certain inalienable rights, including the material basics of existence, health care, education, and legal equality."
"Three. The land, air, and water of Mars are in the common stewardship of the human family, and cannot be owned by any individual or group."
"Four. The fruits of an individual's labour belong to the individual, and cannot be appropriated by another individual or group. At the same time, human labour on Mars is part of a communal enterprise, given to the common good. The Martian economic system must reflect both these facts, balancing self-interest with the interests of society at large."
"Five. The metanational order ruling Earth is currently incapable of incorporating the previous two principles, and cannot be applied here. In its place we must enact an economics based on ecological science. The goal of Martian economics is not 'sustainable development'' but a sustainable prosperity for its entire biosphere."
"Six. The Martian landscape itself has certain 'rights of place' which must be honoured. The goal of our environmental alterations should therefore be minimalist and ecopoetic, reflecting the values of the areophany. It is suggested that the goal of environmental alterations be to make only that portion of Mars lower than the five-kilometer contour human-viable. Higher elevations, constituting some thirty percent of the planet, would then remain in something resembling their primeval conditions, existing as natural wilderness zones."
"Seven. The habitation of Mars is a unique historical process, as it is the first inhabitation of another planet by humanity. As such it should be undertaken in the spirit of reverence for this planet and for the scarcity of life in the universe. What we do here will set precedents for further human habitation of the solar system, and will suggest models for the human relationship to Earth's environment as well. Thus Mars occupies a special place in history, and this should be remembered when we make the necessary decisions concerning life here."

-The Dorsa Brevia Declaration

"If one cannot shed tears themselves, let them draw them upon paper, and let the paper cry for them"

- Me

'The needs of the many outnumber the needs of the few or the one' - Spocks Dying Words.

'You were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off!'- The Italian Job, Micheal Cane

(ROOOOARRRR)- T-Rex from Jurassic Park

'That, is a dead parrot!'- The Dead Parrot scene, Monty Python.

'Soft Kitty, Warm Kitty, Little Ball of Fur, Happy Kitty, Sleepy Kitty, Purr Purr Purr'-Sheldon, Big Bang Theory.

'Friendly Fire Isn't'- Infantrymans Journal.

"A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject."
    Sir Winston Churchill

"An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last."
    Sir Winston Churchill

"History will be kind to me for I intend to write it."
    Sir Winston Churchill

"However beautiful the strategy, you should occasionally look at the results."
    Sir Winston Churchill

"It's not enough that we do our best; sometimes we have to do what's required."
    Sir Winston Churchill

"Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room."
    Sir Winston Churchill

"Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm."
    Sir Winston Churchill

"There are a terrible lot of lies going around the world, and the worst of it is half of them are true."
    Sir Winston Churchill

In reply to matthewfenn (msg # 113):

"The definition of backstabbing.......Shadow of the colossis"

Loki: "I am a god!  I will not be bullied by... "
Hulk: *grab slam slam slam pause slam slam drop* "Puny god."
Loki: *whimper*

 - The Avengers

"If it's all the same to you, I'll have that drink now." - Loki, The Avengers

Wow... did you really get that one episode where Penny's drunk (or was it sick?) and has Sheldon sing it? As mostly it's Penny doing the singing.

"My dear fellow, I have sublime confidence in your abilities to extricate us from any predicament my irrationalities may place us in."

-Sherlock Holmes

"I was raised to be charming, not sincere."

-Prince Charming to Cinderella after seducing the Baker's Wife, Into the Woods.
This message was last edited by the user at 15:18, Fri 26 Oct 2012.

"I'm just a man who's always dreamed of an Indiana Jones themed wedding where I run down the aisle being chased by a big boulder, bullwhip up to the balcony, then crash through a stained glass window and take off in the waiting biplane because I am NOT marrying a girl who's willing to let me have an Indiana Jones themed wedding"

-Geekologie Writer

"What kind of a douchebag names a character after himself?"

-Dean Winchester, Supernatural

"WOOOO HOOOO HOOOOO HOOOO!  NEW TOY!!!!!!"
Salvador the Gunzerker

"I haven't seen anything explode in several minutes.  Not cool."
Salvador the Gunzerker

"CRITICAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!!!"
Salvador the Gunzerker

Prince 1:It's no sicker than your thing about dwarfs

Prince 2: Dwarves

Prince 1: Dwarfs

Prince 2: Dwarves are very upsetting...


Agony, from Into the Woods, S. Sondheim

I'll use the character's name. These is from a 30-minute version of The Complete Works of William Shakespere (abridged)

Billy Bob: Never was there a story of more woe, than of Juliet, and her Flameo

Bob: I'm not actually gay.

Billy Bob: Romeo

Barfing Bob: Oh, thank god!


(I can't remember the 1st, I think it was this though:)
French-Canadian Bob: What are you doing?

Barfing Bob: Barfing

F-C Bob: Why?

Barfing Bob: They like it!

("Did" Hamlet in, like, 4 seconds)

Spongebob: Now, lets do it backwards!


And finally:

Boblicious: (gigling uncontrolably)

Anti-Bob: You think your blacker than I is?!

Archer: "I guess I missed the Emily Post chapter about how to introduce your mother to a hooker."
Trinette: "I'm an escort, ya puke, and I'm retired."
Archer: "Your 401k doing that well?"

Archer Season 2 ep 3.

"frighted People...give me a Dalek any day"
   The Doctor "A town Called Mercy"

"The prize of political apathy is being ruled by evil men"
- Plato

"Good people don't need rules to govern them. Bad people will find a way to circumvent the rules anyway"
- Plato

"Let me get this straight. You think that your client, one of the wealthiest, most powerful men in the world, is secretly a vigilante who spends his nights beating criminals to a pulp with his bare hands... and your plan, is to blackmail this person?"
- Lucius Fox

"Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present."

~Marcus Aurelius

"If you ever regret something, it's because you were stupid then and have become wiser. If you never regret anything...it's because you're still stupid."

-Anonymous

*from Tales of Graces f:upon victory*
Malik: Right into next week!
Sophie: I've traveled back in time from next week. Please stop throwing monsters at us.

"Time you enjoy wasting isn't wasted." ~ andrasteia1

Actually, it was John Lennon who said:

“Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.”

" Actually, it was John Lennon who said: “Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted." "

~ adrasteia1

Me: "I turn into an alley."
GM: "You are now an alley."

Gets me every time.

Han Solo: Are we going in the right direction?
Yoda: Off course, we are.

- Yoda being misunderstood when asked for the correct heading.

“That’s not blunt force trauma, ma’am, that’s just the honey glow in my cheeks.”
- Fix-it Felix

Van Helsing: You're a genius!

Carl: A genius with access to unstable chemicals!

"Everton, please remove the maggots, rat carcasses, and corpses of shocked health inspectors and make the place fit for the preparation of sodding food!"

-Chef.  Loved that show.

*high squeaky voice* "Even now, your loved ones suffer!" ~ Veigar, League of Legends

"There there Taggart. It's just the sound of a man and his horse being hung"



--- Hedley Lamarr, Blazing Saddles

Oh, this is bad, this is really bad! You work, and you slave, and you steal
just enough for a sweet lick of that shiny brass ring... don't I get a lick?
Doesn't Gil get a lick?

-Ol' Gil

"You're either on our side or you're among the casualties after we have taken down everyone who has screwed us.I hope you're on our side"

--Sue Ellen Ewing {Dallas}

"I'm the police. And I'm here to arrest you. You've broken the law. I did not write the law. I may even disagree with the law. But I will enforce it. No matter how you plead, cajole, beg or attempt to stir my sympathies, nothing you do will stop me from placing you in a steel cage with grey bars. If you run away, I will chase you. If you fight me, I will fight back. If you shoot at me, I will shoot back. By law, I am unable to walk away. I'm a consequence. I am the unpaid bill. I am fate with a badge and a gun. Behind my badge is a heart like yours. I bleed. I think. I love. And yes, I can be killed. And although I'm but one man, I have thousands of brothers and sisters who are the same as me. They will lay down their lives for me. And I them. We stand watch together. A thin blue line. Protecting the prey from the predators. The good from the bad. We are the police."

--Brian Taylor, End Of Watch

Overheard during a conference call at work

"So what is 6 kilograms in American?"

it made me laugh

Nice. ^_^ Reminds me of Bill Murray in "The Man Who Knew Too Little."

"I already laid out £117.50."

"What's that in real money?"

Saving the lives of the people with you is supposed to be the big thing, and killing the people trying to kill you (or them) does not really count.

-Sir Able, The Knight

"Dr. Oatman, please pick up, pick up! It's Martin Blank! I, I'm standing where my, uh, living room was and it's not here because my house is gone and it's an Ultimart! You can never go home again, Oatman... but I guess you can shop there."

Martin Q. Blank, Grosse Pointe Blank

"A poet ought not to pick nature's pocket. Let him borrow, and so borrow as to repay by the very act of borrowing. Examine nature accurately, but write from recollection, and trust more to the imagination than the memory."
~ Samuel Taylor Coleridge

"Whoever blushes is already guilty; true innocence is ashamed of nothing."
~ Jean-Jacques Rousseau

"Most of the time, when a girl says "no" she really means "yes". But remember, when a girl says shes going to call the cops, she means she going to call the cops!" ~ Arthur "The Fonz" Fonzarelli.

"What are you like a vampire or something?" ~ Pete to The Count {who was played by James Marsters who also played Spike the vampire on Buffy.}

"Jesus wept." John 11:35 KJV

Favorite of many in-a-way slackers.

"Whose phone is that?  That's the second time it's gone off."

Response.

"Why don't you turn it off?  [Bleep] thats the second time it's gone off. Why don't you put it on silent?  Why don't you turn it off?  Oh, you're just gonna let it ring, huh?  Alright, that's good manners."

Roy Keane, in the middle of a press conference, says what we're all thinking.

In reply to habsin4 (msg # 152):

"all right, whos the wise guy who brought otters to a battle?"

-Scaba  from tales of legndia

"If you're an alien, why do you sound like you're from the North?"
"Lots of planets have a North!"

-- Rose Tyler and the Doctor, "Rose"
This message was last edited by the user at 02:21, Thu 23 May 2013.

"But the cloud never comes in that quarter of the horizon from which we watch for it." -Elizabeth Gaskell

"There's a bullet for everyone. And a time, and a place. An end."

~ Mr. 47, Hitman: Contracts

"One useless man is a disgrace. Two are called a law firm. And three or more become a Congress." -- John Adams, in 1776

Alien 1:Kill the director and you can take over the world that was your plan? Well it was a good plan...
 *Unmasks to reveal Nabeshin*
Nabeshin:But you were too Dang cocky kid.
K/Space alien prince:But I thought you were dead
Nabeshin:I was but Kumi Kumi fixed me up with her needles
Kumi Kumi: I'm an acupuncturist.
K: But she was dead too!
Nabeshin: Never mind that.
Poemi: Oh look the directors alive
Nabeshin: Oh sure that might have killed a normal director but i'm not a normal director! I'm GDW the Great Director Watanabe!
Poemi: That still doesn't make much sense
Nabeshin: Hey I'm the Director. Fudge off!
This message was last edited by the user at 04:43, Wed 29 May 2013.

Trying to defeat Nabeshin just never works out well.

"In my restless dreams I see that place, Silent Hill. You promised to take me again some day. But you never did. Well you SUCK! You suck and I hate you! I stole your wallet. If you want it back come to our 'Special Place'. No James, not Vegas"-Mary Sunderland.

This message was deleted by the user at 08:34, Sat 07 Sept 2013.

"Frailty thy name is woman. But that's not right. You little Realians weren't even born of a womans womb."- Albedo Crazypants from Xenosaga

Everything that comes out of Simon " Honeydew " Lane

And now for something completely different....

MP

"Theres some things I like about you. You're smart even if you did go to Princeton and Harvard. You make me laugh even when it's at my expense.Heck Especially when it's at my expense. But you're a crazy, sick, son of a Bridge." Karl Clocker- Mr. Murder by Dean Koontz.

"The first question I get asked most often is 'Can you embroider me a set of Quilts with the coat of arms of Napoleon?'"-Dean Koontz from Mr. Murder's Afterword

He made a grab for me, but slow and drunk is no match for fast and scared strawberryless.

-Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children

"It is the dark side of liberty.  A man is not hindered by what cannot be done, so twisted men like Duer apply that liberty to their greed."

Ethan Saunders, The Whiskey Rebels

"I'm a patriot, Captain Saunders, just like you.  This country began in a flash of brilliance, but look at what has happened.  The suffering of human chattel ignored by our government, a small cadre of rich men dictating our national policies.  In the West, men die-they die, sir-as a consequence of this greed.  This is not why my husband fought in the Revolution.  I suspect it's not what you fought for either.  Now I fight to change it.  Better anarchy than an unjust nation that masquerades as a beacon of righteousness.  That would be worse than outright tyranny.

Joan Maycott, The Whiskey Rebels

Maya: I'm almost home.
Lily: Did you get anything good?
Maya: Yeah I got you a pony! But it tried to eat me so I shot it in the head.
Lily: That's disturbing on so many levels.

-State of Decay

"Buyer Beware. I told you my compound would take you places. I never said they'd be places you wanted to go."-Scarecrow in Dark Knight

"The fear of death is the beginning of slavery."
--The Illuminatus! Trilogy

Candy after a spiel about crashing a wedding she was invited to
Candy:So warn your bride to be.
Vanessa the bride to be:Ooh! Tell her when she shows up i'm gonna be motorboatin so far down her cleavage i'll pop out of Narnia's tips!

--Something Positive

"You're too good for him. Run."- Wallace Wells in Scott Pilgrim VS The World.

"I'm starting to see why people say were intellectual equals. And I'm not sure it's a compliment." - Moriarty in the Sherlock Holmes A Game of Shadows Abridged Script.

"For humanity, I reserve my disgust!  And so I have become discarded,
separated from the flesh without human body, subsumed by new flesh as its voice
and shepherd."

"The Advent is coming! The Erasure shall make way for a New Age of perfect form and perfect life! With your death shall come a final peace!"

~ Paavo, Alter Echo

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
 - C.S. Lewis

"I want to scream. I feel one, perched under my chin. But I'm afraid if I did I wouldn't be able to stop." - Will Graham

<Red Dwarf>
Lister: Why don't we ever meet anyone who's pleased to see us?
Cat: Why don't we ever meet anyone who can shoot straight?
</Red Dwarf>

"True friends stab you in the front."

~ Oscar Wilde

"I don't read the script, the script reads me!"
--Kirk Lazarus as Sgt. Lincoln Osiris, Tropic Thunder

"That man is playing Galaga!"
-Tony Stark, The Avengers

"CAR BEWBS"

"He's got the kind of cancer that makes you cough, a lot!"

"The series that novody loves, but no one can change the channel when its on cable"

"From the bookseries that kept Borders open for another few years"

"A romance that is composed entirely of STARES (Stare Montage) and even more stares (Stare Montage Cont.)"

-Honest Trailers

“There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.”

Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

"Mommy is the Friedrich Hayek of parenting and daddy is the John Maynard Keynes of parenting."

Me, to my son, explaining the difference in parenting styles between my wife and I.

From the movie "HANNA"

Sebastian: So Hanna, is your mum and Dad still together?

Hanna: My mother is dead.

Sophie: [to Sebastian] Nice one, Dad.

Sebastian: I'm sorry to hear that. I lost my mum when I was very young, so...

Hanna: It's all right. It happened a long time ago.

Rachel: Hanna, what did your mum die of?

Hanna: Three bullets.

A few gems from the Princess Bride:

'Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.' -The Man in Black

'Sonny, true love is the greatest thing, in the world-except for a nice MLT - mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe...' -Miracle Max

'Prince Humperdinck: First things first, to the death.
Westley: No. To the pain.
Prince Humperdinck: I don't think I'm quite familiar with that phrase.
Westley: I'll explain and I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand, you warthog faced buffoon.
Prince Humperdinck: That may be the first time in my life a man has dared insult me.
Westley: It won't be the last. To the pain means the first thing you will lose will be your feet below the ankles. Then your hands at the wrists. Next your nose.
Prince Humperdinck: And then my tongue I suppose, I killed you too quickly the last time. A mistake I don't mean to duplicate tonight.
Westley: I wasn't finished. The next thing you will lose will be your left eye followed by your right.
Prince Humperdinck: And then my ears, I understand let's get on with it.
Westley: WRONG. Your ears you keep and I'll tell you why. So that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out, "Dear God! What is that thing," will echo in your perfect ears. That is what to the pain means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever.
Prince Humperdinck: I think you're bluffing.
Westley: It's possible, Pig, I might be bluffing. It's conceivable, you miserable, vomitous mass, that I'm only lying here because I lack the strength to stand. But, then again... perhaps I have the strength after all.
[slowly rises and points sword directly at the prince]
Westley: DROP... YOUR... SWORD!
[Humperdinck's mouth hangs open, drops sword to floor]' -TO THE PAIN!

Some recent lego talk from Sips and Sjin of the Yogscast:

Sjin: "Did dinosaurs swim?"
Sips: "Uhh, some did, yes. The tyrannosaurus rex had a distant cousin that had a dorsal fin on the back but still had ridiculously long legs and very short arms and made swimming look fantastic."
Sjin: "How did he do the butterfly stroke, then?"
Sips: "Well, he didn't."
Sips: "I tried to picture that-"
Sips: "He told everybody that he could, then when it came down to it when, uh, when the ankylosaurus was like 'yeah, prove it, T-rex' he was just like 'uhhh, I'm a bit busy now, gotta go!' And then he just, like, sorta stomped away on his big-apple legs and, um, disappeared forever, yeah."
Sjin: "Ohh."
Sips: "That's how they became extinct. Through shame."
[Meanwhile, Kim stands nearby, completely baffled]

"We would have believed it was an accidental shooting if he hadn't changed magazines... TWICE."
-Lord Barons

"Yes, you have lost a lot of blood, but with all the pieces you're missing, you shouldn't need as much."
-Dr. Oscar Schneiderbunk, Visser M.D.

"Most people would say this man is half dead. But I am a doctor. And I like to think of him as half alive."
-Dr. Oscar Schneiderbunk, M.D.


"Well, yes, I did it... but it's not my fault."
"Alright, it is my fault...but I'm not responsible."
"Well, maybe I am responsible... but I'm not to blame."
"Yes, I am to blame... but they made me do it."
-Axly

"Just because it's my gun doesn't mean I'm the one who fired it."
"OK, I fired it, but I didn't think I'd hit any civilians."
"Well, yes, it did occur to me that I might hit one or two civilians. But I really never thought I would hit all of them."
-Axly

"I didn't want to shoot him."
"Well... maybe I did want to shoot him, but I didn't mean to kill him."
"OK. Maybe I did mean to kill him... but he deserved it."
-Axly

"... and grenades are also useful for digging foxholes, removing shrubbery, uncloging drains..."
-Axly's Book of Explosives for Pyromaniacs

Blam. Blam. "Stop." Blam. Blam. "Police."
-Officer Axly

"Is Axly tough? Yes. Talented? Yes. Brave? Oh certainly. He is also erratic, irresponsible, accident-prone, and a constant threat to public safety. The trick is to keep him pointed in the right direction."
-Niki


(All from the sidebars in the Living Steel RPG)

"Do you want the good news or the bad news?"

--My seven year old :)

In reply to ginny (msg # 188):

PLEASE tell me that was after seeing a film that quoted such...

I wish, GamerHandle :P  lol

"This sounds like a spin on the old 'good-news, bad-news' ploy"

"In that format, the good news is 'I found the bad news', and the bad news is 'I found worse news'."

Ennesby and Bristlecone, from Schlock Mercenary.

"I can't imagine an emergency in which exiting to hard vacuum would help."

"You either suffer from an insufficient imagination, or insufficient emergencies."

Bristlecone and Elf, still from Schlock Mercenary.

That comic really is a quotes goldmine.

“It is an awful thing to be betrayed by your body. And it's lonely, because you feel you can't talk about it. You feel it's something between you and the body. You feel it's a battle you will never win . . . and yet you fight it day after day, and it wears you down. Even if you try to ignore it, the energy it takes to ignore it will exhaust you.”

David Levithan, Every Day

“You all know the mission, and what is at stake.
I have come to trust each of you with my life -- but I have also heard murmurs of discontent. I share your concerns.
We are trained for espionage; we would be legends, but the records are sealed. Glory in battle is not our way.
Think of our heroes; the Silent Step, who defeated a nation with a single shot. Or the Ever Alert, who kept armies at bay with hidden facts.
These giants do not seem to give us solace here, but they are not all that we are.
Before the network, there was the fleet. Before diplomacy, there were soldiers!
Our influence stopped the rachni, but before that we held the line!
Our influence stopped the krogan, but before that, we held the line!
Our influence will stop Saren; in the battle today, we will hold the line!”
-Captain Kirrahe, Mass Effect

Bad-apple number 1

Anyone slower than me is Rear Guard
               -Axly

Think of them as Future Sausages, because they're gonna Die Like Pigs!
               -Axly

When you pull the pin from Mister Grenade, he is no longer your friend.
               - Axly

This message was deleted by the user at 21:36, Mon 23 Sept 2013.

Kill people. Fruit bitches. Save galaxy.
-Commander Brofist Shepard

A man, by working 24 hours a day, could multiply himself 3 times. To multiply himself more than 3 time the only recourse is to train others to take over some of his work.

It is said that a wise man who stands firm is a statesman, and a foolish man who stands firm is a catastrophe.

Responsibility is a unique concept... You may share it with others, but your portion is not diminished. You may delegate it, but it is still with you... If responsibility is rightfully yours, no evasion, or ignorance or passing the blame can shift the burden to someone else. Unless you can point you finger at the man who is responsible when something goes wrong, then you have never had anyone really responsible.

  -Admiral Hyman G. Rickover

"Raspberry. Only one man would DARE give me raspberry..... LONE-STAR!"
Dark Helmet

Learn from the mistakes of others. You don't have the time to make them all yourself.

  -Admiral Hyman G. Rickover

dragonrider, you are a cruel person, bringing that evil here, brilliant though he may have been ;p



The Rickover Center? Basically, you can think of it as a BFG: Big Fruiting Ginger. It's three stories of red brick, and it sucks out the soul of every student to pass through its doors.

several months later

You know, I think I've changed my mind.  The Rickover is more like a gaping maw, because prototype is the belly of the beast. You're lured into a false sense of security because you no longer see the gnashing fangs. Then you realise you never see the light of day, which is bad enough on its own. Only once you get to crew work do you realise you're succumbing to a slower and more painful death as the acid burns you away.

-Me, explaining nuke school to my fiancée

Who are you talking to right now? Who is it you think you see? Do you know how much I make a year? I mean, even if I told you, you wouldn't believe it. Do you know what would happen if I suddenly decided to stop going into work? A business big enough that it could be listed on the NASDAQ goes belly up. Disappears! It ceases to exist without me. No, you clearly don't know who you're talking to, so let me clue you in. I am not in danger, Skyler. I am the danger. A guy opens his door and gets shot and you think that of me? No. I am the one who knocks!

-Walter White (Making my way through Breaking Bad now)

Allow me to impress upon you the severe mistake you have made, for years my conduct has been largely benign and yet without provocation you have severed our détente and forced me to unleash upon you the vengeful flame of a thousand suns. You shall curse your mothers for the day of your birth. So go now... go and begin your life of fear, knowing, that when you least expect it, the looming sword of Damocles will crush down upon you, cleaving you in twain and as you gaze upon the smoking wreckage that was once your life, you will regret the day you crossed the wrong fish!

-Klaus Heisler, American Dad

“And then, as if written by the hand of a bad novelist, an incredible thing happened.”

-Bartimaeus

"It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense."

-Mark Twain

In reply to jaberwok (msg # 204):

"'Born this Way' is about being yourself, and loving who you are and being proud."
- Lady Gaga

"The Avatar state is not to be used as a booster rocket" - Tensin

Avatar, Legend of Korra season 2

"So many fishies left in the sea,
So many fishies just Londo and me"
Babylon 5 G'Kar

"...They're bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy Fun, fun, fun, fun, FUN!"

-Tigger the Only, Winnie the Pooh and Tigger too.
This message was last edited by the user at 22:58, Tue 29 Oct 2013.

"A Smith and Wesson beats four aces"

Canada Bill Jones

Act 3, Scene 3 William Shakespeare's Star Wars: Verily, A New Hope
   by Ian Doescher

C-3PO: I prithee, lockest thou the door anon!
                 (they hide behind the door)
Storm Trooper #5: This door is lock'd. And as my father oft
                  Hath said, a locked door no mischief makes.
                  So sure am I that, thus, behind this door
                  Cannot be found the droids for which we search.
                  And thus may we move on with conscience clear.

"A man who views the world the same at 50 as he did at 20 wasted 30 years of his life"

-Muhammad Ali

"People who boast about their IQs are losers"

-Stephen Hawking

(Edit: Sorry, some of these are really good.  I have to add)

"Stop sending people to kill me.  We've already captured 5, one with a bomb and another with a rifle.  If you don't stop sending killers, I'll send one to Moscow.  And I won't have to send another."

Tito, dictator of Yugoslavia, to Stalin
This message was last edited by the user at 21:54, Wed 04 Dec 2013.

From The Turkish Gambit by Boris Akunin

---

Erast Fandorin: If you live in a state, you should either cherish it or leave it.  Anything else is parasitism or mere lackeys gossip.

Varvara Suvarova: There is a third possibility.  An unjust state can be demolished and a new one built in it's place.

Erast Fandorin: Unfortunately, a state is not a house. It is more like a tree. It is not built, it grows of its own accord following the laws of nature and it is a long business. It is not a stonemason that is needed but a gardener.

---

Anwar Affendi: (having killed many people in the service of a greater cause) Do you know who I am? I am the midwife. I help the child to enter the world. And my arms are covered in blood and mucus.

Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure... than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.

Theodore Roosevelt

"I have a Consitution. I just read it for the articles."

Jon Stewart

"A great man once said: 'Ignorance is Bliss'.   Who was that man?
Don't know, don't wanna know....."

- Stephen Colbert.

“I've noticed that loneliness gets stronger when we try to face it down, but gets weaker when we simply ignore it.” --Paulo Coelho, The Witch of Portobello

"Come back to my place. We go bouncy bouncy."

MP

I believe that's attributable to John Cleese, the Foreign Phrasebook sketch.

MP = monty python

Ah, got it.

"I will not be stopped.  Not by you, or the Confederates, or the Protoss, or anyone!  I will rule this sector, or see it burnt to ashes around me."

-Arcturus Mengsk

"Win if you can, lose if you must, but always, always cheat!"

~Gorgeous George (with props to Jesse Ventura)
This message was last edited by the user at 17:51, Wed 26 Mar 2014.

"My fellow Americans, as a young boy, I dreamed of being a baseball. But tonight I say we must move forward, not backward. Upwards not forwards. And always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom."

Kang/Bill Clinton

In reply to habsin4 (msg # 224):

"I don't want to spend my second term naked, in a tube...."

The real Bill Clinton, trapped aboard Kang's spaceship.

From our very own fourms:

Making magic items is like programming a computer code. Each Wizard does it a little differently, and some follow Good Magic Practices -- the world doesn't end if the user does something weird to the bag -- while others are perhaps more sloppy :) - Kouk (epic quote, imo)

In reply to Shard Blackwing (msg # 226):

It was very good.  Reminds me of:

"Never rush a Miracleman, kid.  You rush a Miracleman, you get rotten miracles."

-Miracle Max, "Princess Bride".

"A centaur's road is paved with the corpses of the fallen."  Centaur Warrunner, Dota 2.

"MINE however, is paved with all the f***s I don't give."  Myself, while playing as Centaur.

"I'm not afraid of you." - Various Magia in Marvel Heroes (often after you wack a bunch of their buddies)
"Huh? You should be." - Me, commenting in reply

"What the fruit does WTF mean?" - Gary King (Simon Pegg) - The World's End

I came, I saw, I poked it with a stick - moron's ghost after first seeing and poking a dragon.

"Some people would say my paintings show a future world and maybe they do, but I paint from reality. I put several things and ideas together, and perhaps, when I have finished, it could show the future. If people want to interpret my work as warnings about too much overpopulation, disease and mechanization in the future, then that is up to them. I like to combine human beings, creatures and biomechanics. And I love to work with bones - they are elemental and function and, after all, are part of human beings. I have many bones in my home in Zurich, and I study them and use them as models. Some people say my work is often depressing and pessimistic, with the emphasis on death, blood, overcrowding, strange beings and so on, but I don't really think it is. There is hope and a kind of beauty in there somewhere, if you look for it." - H.R. Giger


"Sometimes people only see horrible, terrible things in my paintings." - H.R. Giger


"The Dutch Customs once thought my pictures were photos. Where on Earth did they think I could have photographed my subjects? In Hell, perhaps?" - H.R. Giger

Sharp:  "Trust me."
Cooper:  "Its' very hard to trust a man who wants to borrow a pick-lock, Sir."

Sharpe's Rifles
This message was last edited by the user at 05:13, Mon 02 Nov 2015.

"The third-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking with the majority. The second-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking with the minority. The first-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking." ~A.A. Milne


"[A] quotation is a handy thing to have about, saving one the trouble of thinking for oneself, always a laborious business." ~ A.A. Milne

Look up:

Benjamin Franklin, Advice to a Young Man on the Choice of a Mistress

Content is some what mature.

That is all.


lol

Advice to RPOL players:

Ecclesiastes 9:4

New International Version
Anyone who is among the living has hope --even a live dog is better off than a dead lion!

 "Of all our dreams today there is none more important - or so hard to realize - than that of peace in the world. May we never lose our faith in it or our resolve to do everything that can be done to convert it one day into reality."
Lester B. Pearson

"Hit a man once, and he'll hit you right back. Hit a man twice, and he'll wait for revenge. Hit a man so many times he forgets why you started hitting him in the first place, and he'll cower every time you raise your hand."

-The Mad Monkey, Tales of the Red Panda.

(One of my favorite villains, with a much darker bit of philosophy than he usually slings about.)