Boo ya!!! *Fist bumps to anyone who reached out in the last 14 months* *grins to them and everyone else*

I have a home!!! It's not definite, but it's likely. I'm already here.

If you need reference, I was homeless since February 2022. Without a car from November 2021 until the same month, about two weeks prior.

This was not exactly region-beta paradox, but identical outcome. I have better home, in many ways, and paid for it by my homelessness. My friend, Anne, said "Our luck finally paid off" and In looked to her with sober passion. "No" I said "This is the hardship and persistence that paid off. This is the efforts of the people who got us here, and their support. We EARNED this!" Them, those that aided and didn't just sent "cake in a crisis"^*. Even if aid was listening--not giving advice!!--and talking to give morale.

I'd like to thank people by name publicly, but I think it will be better appreciated privately. Over a dozen of you on RPoL made definite, crucial and critical difference. Dozens more made my hardship less a burden. A select handful were knaves that hit me while I was down, and I consider it a great lesson of what people are like. In practice, not principle, so many, even some I'd never gamed with, showed why RPoL is community unlike many forums on the web.

*elated sigh* I want to cry. I just might. When I can. Weep for grief and thanksgiving. Weep for sacrifice and charity. Weep, then wonder, what I reap to revel. *bows*

Congratulations! That is wonderful news. Your relief and joy is palpable and thank you for letting us share it with you. I pray that you'll be blessed in other amazing ways over the coming months.

Congratulations! Glad to hear it all worked out for you!

That certainly is "Good Stuff".

This is absolutely FABULOUS!

There will always be jerks that enjoy hitting folk when they are down.  Can’t weed the cockroaches out of any sites and just move on by.  You have preserved through many things to get to this point.  You have EVERY RIGHT to bee happy and move forward with your life and you have the support of many good people here and real life. gain CONGRATULATIONS!!!  You deserve this!
This message was last edited by the user at 01:53, Fri 28 Apr 2023.

Awesome!  And those who kicked you while you were down can go fruit themselves!
This message was last edited by the user at 01:38, Fri 28 Apr 2023.

I am not a fan of the books, but I like the movies of Harry Potter. Largely from the fact it was the cast IRL that the Avengers would be if they were all actors. I vaguely remember a quote from a character, that was said of underestimating the unfailing kindness of others.

For decades, for, I guess just around twenty years, my modus operandi on RPoL has been, ad for a game and see who is interested in that. Just this past year, I find my philosophy to have changed, back to where it started. Long story short, my mother thought D&D was satanic (for context she's so superstitious she soon after joined a Mormon cult). I had no friends for a time, and one I had introduced me to D&D. When he moved out of State, he introduced me to his gaming group. When I first sat at the table with whom would be a 19 year face to face group, and contemplated the consequence of engaging in D&D, I did so because I sought fellowship. It didn't matter, I later realized in words, what I was doing, but who I was doing it with, and that we had something to do together, to cooperate in. I love games, but I LOVE games that are about cooperation.

All this, the above, has had me full circle seeing about trying new games, with people who I flourish in the company of. Unfailingly kind and considerate people. I still want to have games that are dedicated to the particular gamecraft, but I learned that I want to branch out, not for the gamesake, but for having the same shared activity.

Face to face friends were also shown for their true colors. There's a Tyler Perry Madea speech in a video I'll link, that I discovered about ten months ago. I wish I had clipped it, but thankfully I found the exact video, complete with the tone enhancing music and imagery. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CnzhbI_Egek

The people who were ugly, the people who said "If you need anything, let me know"....this ordeal showed me where they are on the tree. In one profound sentence; these were strangers who gave their heart and time to aid me, and these were life long company that left when my fire consumed all light. That part is my own quote, but it could be said so many ways. The people who were ugly to me, did me a favor. If in bad times they act this way, they told me I never want to waste a moment of good with them. I really mean this. It helped me let go of leaves in the wind, and surrender my stubborn nature to go out of a limb, when I could instead form a chain of hand in hand contact with the forest the endures the seasons, years and lifetimes.

I have a friend I need to help. I won't put that all here, but they're on RPoL. They lost their home, they lost their income, they lost a family member, and in that moment they're losing their home again. They suffered through injury and surgery, and found the time for me. I want to find a way, my path, their way, to help them.

---

I am, however, going to return to rejoice for what I now have. My motivation, my driving force, my axiom of pursuit is having a home; one no one can take away. I want that, so that I can have company, and share time with people I love. I don't have permanent home yet, but one that will be stable and is showing remarkable aid, despite circumstances being far from ideal. Roses don't grow from gold, if you catch the scent. I'm just so very happy, so very, very happy! My closest friends stayed closer than ever. My closest face to face friend put me through an ordeal that frequently had me choose money, comfort...or company. I chose her. At times I wanted to walk away, at times she fled in fear. At times she wanted to leave this world. In times I told her I could not stop her, but I asked if she would stay, not for me, but for what I knew would come.

---

I'm also so much owing my survival to RPoL. An escape, pipeline, and lifeline.

---

:D *grins* makes me SOOOO giddy people are cheering with me! Makes me feel warm and fuzzy, and I laugh with joy and appreciation.

One thing, one tiny thing that grew and grew until it was a field, was dancing! I am on the ground floor in the apartment, so much so, I'm actually in a hill. My neighbors above have loud (sort of...) music or TV on weekends, but this isn't bad thing. It means that when I have my music loud enough to hear in the bedroom, they'll probably tolerate it, as I have their own sounds. So I danced. Put on music and just danced, danced like no one was watching. Then I danced with Anne, the face to face friend I went through all this with. The place is mostly empty, so we, without touching, stood in the same room and just danced to music we loved.

In reply to phoenix9lives (msg # 921):

This is so true! They best fruit themselves, because no one else will. No one. No one else will give them a fruit. Poetic parallels of expression intended.

---

At the feast, whenever, wherever, they'll have the sour grapes; shriveled and misspent, at a table with those that sow the sour fruit. Not gonna lie, it crosses my mind and I find small humor at their expense, but then don't allow such negative thoughts of due justice linger.

---

Thank you for that. Sometimes I need to hear it (Er...see it), even though I know it. Thank you for the others here here. Thank you for every boost in my rejoice. I had my pity party quite awhile, and I'm glad you all and others attended to give a cheer to the happy party. :D

I best get back to my games. I have some games I want to work on that I couldn't attend to properly while homeless. Thankfully none started officially, and I had such enduring players.

I think we set a new record for the speed of getting lights focused for the summer shows at work.  We were scheduled for a full eight hours...took about half that.  Part of it is just knowing well enough how lights will be used, so they can be rough-focused when they're hung...part of it is getting the lights hung in a better fashion, so there are fewer things to adjust when we're focusing...

But the biggest part of it is having a solid crew to get it done.  Having enough help is an improvement (we've tried to get through it in the past with the bare minimum of people, and it turns into a slog), but having enough help that is COMPETENT makes such a huge difference...

I completed my auto battler for Exalted 2e. It took me the better part of a decade to slowly stitch the formulas and trim the fat on origin points. It's done though! It's actually in it's 1.0 functioning system. It makes choices based on IF then else, and seeds in random actions, rolls those actions, spends the motes and willpower and health, adds the limit. Pretty much runs a full combat or mass combat (no social combat, nor will there probably ever be one) from start to finish in just under 30 seconds. I'm sure if I knew Python, or someone looked at my spaghetti code they'd whip out a .02 second version with dynamic prompts and visuals. I'm happy with what I have though. It's basically worthless to anyone else, since it's made for my purpose by my method. I love it though.

It's hilarious though, I've been testing it and put in some old characters in past games and saw how combat went, and...it just...somehow...**kiss fingers* It just nailed the roles that are so nuanced, that played characters I've been at tables with for two decades, and made choices, over repeated battles as the players would have, and did.

I welcome the AI Overlords, but I appreciate my little spreadsheet abomination of code.

I haven't written in literally EVERY charm and spell, but the vast, vast majority are included. The output is excellent too. Well...very bloated if I'm honest, but I have OCD and so that's a feature not a bug. So it transcribes everything action by action and even preserves reflexive charm use in a way that doesn't make me want to cut my eyes with razor blade. That was huge hurdle that I overcame, but still couldn't reach the finish line for years with all the work that could have been done just aggregating that data to its own output. It was nightmarish to go through methods, and then when it was done, just groan and realize it really made no visual impact and was just as dreadful of hundreds of rows of text.

I'm so proud though. Just...I'm so proud of having completed this. 3e is old now, and I just finished by v1.0 for 2e Exalted. It does what I set out to do with it. I need to add more charms and spells, until every conceivable one is there. I need to better seed the random roles. I need to do things IF I want to improve it. It functions though. As is.

What this means is I can have PC's subordinates take independent actions (like manse defense, or infiltration) and not go through one of the two bad options; wasting GMing time rolling it out solo, or just waving my hand and making gut assessment. The latter is always an option I use when obviously appropriate. The former, and having players roll out their underlings actions, have been my MO. Now I can just set the database and save that version for a particular game.

I want to say so bad that that's what's "better" about having spreadsheet, versus a program; but I know that Python would be able to have protocols far more precise and still maintain permanent state based content. I wish I had the foresight to know it would take be eight years of work and one year of latency, I could have better used the time learn Arch Linux (for other reasons) or base functioning Python. I still can, but probably won't.

Anyway. This was such a cherry on top of a crap sundae that has been my day. It was such a minimal clearance to go from 99.99...% done to version 1.0. It could not have come at a better time. I ran a few dozen combats and just enjoyed seeing what came out.

I'll share one excerpt from the auto battler that particularly captured the spirit I always wanted the spreadsheet to have.

Kejak uses Without Assumption. He's set to the role of boss, has the attitude conservative, and the motive to kill. A Lunar has the role of defender, the attitude of at all costs, and motive of clearance. Lunar uses FRozen Ripple Lair with the enhancement that doubles time differential after an unknown assailant is harming his mate. Lawgiver mate casts Mists of Eventide and activates Metasorcerous Phylactery to release it when a "new foe appears". The Hidden state clicks on Kejak. The damage from Kejak on the Lawgiver is high, but mitigated down to 0. KEjak is 10 motes and 1 willpower down, after first attack but Lawgiver only down 8 motes. Kejak Water Spider Bites but chooses not to use sutra (master is only valid option, student is basically in the "N/A" or 0 priority, but Lawgiver is only down 21, 1 W to perfectly parry, while Kejak is down 30 motes and 1 willpower. Kejak finishes his action. The spread sheet processes this exactly as it should, in the right cells, at the right row, and with the correct values. Perfect! Lunar enters the High Alert attitude and opens the Frozen Ripple Lair. Lawgiver enters the conservative attitude and then in the same action changes again to the systematic attitude. Showing a best case outcome in a very high complexity combat. Being able to trip each level of checks flawlessly. Kejak enters the determined attitude and survivor role. Not sure why, the survivor attitude, but I'm guessing because his target has no appreciable impact shown, and Kejak's "player" registers this as a value less than acceptable, and must perceive he's outmatched. No idea. Didn't make the spreadsheet to ever open the black box. I just thought that was an interesting quirk. Kejak uses Master Sutra of PRismatic Arrangement of Creation AND Charcoal March of Spiders. Enters all but one Prismatic Arrangement of Creation Form, all but Games of Divinity Form (IIRC). Kejak next attacks the Lunar with WAter Spider bite with three attacks, costs another 38-ish motes. Hits with two attacks, but manages to roll zero successes on his 12 damage dice (between two attacks). Lunar and Lawgiver enter the Hidden state, as they enter the FRozen Ripple Lair. Kejak enters the ambush attitude, which just made me very gleeful. Kejak takes some actions I need to patch later, that by rights he should have been able to  use prior to the combat. I just didn't think about the fact I need preload for seemingly innocuous charms, that nonetheless cost KEjak 17ish motes he should have spent and respired. Kejak waits for ten actions, before entering the watchful attitude and having an amalgam summoned by Faithful Ally. Meanwhile Lunar and Lawgiver only have one action pass, during which they enter the ambush attitude and motive pause. They exit, and what follows is classic Kejak minimizing impact on himself while taking small but certain actions, instead of going for the Water Spider Bites, using his now incredible post soak damage and ability to tax any mote expenditure. Kejak, however, was caught by the contradiction note that actually showed he failed the Mists of Eventide. This was the final moment I cheered. Because the Phylactery and Without Assumption don't have special interraction, that is specifically for each other, but the Without Assumption noticed it was a reflexive action and an area effect. The Mists of Eventide recognized Kejak as not hidden. The program...I call it that because, to me, it is. This is just a spreadsheet though. I had planned for parallel instances to fracture rather than bottleneck. So it rolled out Kejak fighting but fleeing, but also long before that, Kejak being hit by the Mists of Eventide and losing his Hidden State. Ultimately I'd rule the Phylactery would issue the "attack" of the mists of eventide as a...I guess contingent action, or First Priority Reflexive. Not sure which term will be more universally applicable and thus which will be labeled. It was enjoyable to see the branching of the combat; I'm just glad it only branched once. I had not anticipated the halting problem coming up from that, but clearly I need to have some sort of count for how many times a given file can branch and failsafe aginst the spreadsheet crashing. Even four branches could be killer if I'm doing other loads of work and not thinking about it. The idea is to set it up and then just run it and go back to other tasks. Worse case scenario is the spreadsheet crashes and I look for nonexistant save that I "knew" I did, when in fact the program crashed before it could halt.

In conclusion. Kejak spent too many motes. That was the only patch I'd make. The fact is, I'd roll out Kejak myself or conclude the trial to be better hand waved. I wanted to test the limits and it...it actually was really rewarding. I don't have children, nor contact with my niece and nephew in many years; so it's a far cry, but I don't know how else to describe my pride in seeing the program I made do an excellent job. I created it, and rose to the task of fullfilling the purpose I created it for.

I had done so much debugging. I mean, seriously, that was my 2001 strategy showing of just bodging and debugging, but I think I can say without exaggeration that I was astounded that nothing seemed to be missed.

In the end, it's a file now. Like time is construct that in all its dimensions is static, and only seems to be linear to our human minds. The combat took more time in game, than in RL. By quite a bit. It's memory I'll have, but it's sort of sad too. I don't really know why. Maybe it's that such a grand battle, as I've seen it in games where PCs faced or sided with Kejak, should have had more than procedural dictation. Maybe it's that I coded the spreadsheet so thorughly it ran an unsurprising duplication of actual battle, with similar preferences and outcome. Or...maybe it';s that I've spent SOOOOO long waiting for this fireworks show, and just knew deep down, knew and accepted, and move on with how to go from acceptance to resolution...and it...it just worked. That while I built it to do a this job, that I've spent so many hours, countless weeks in fact, doing the work so it could do the rest...I no longer have a part that's necessary in this project. That it's finally done to a standard I may never have the need to update with any conviction. I think it's combination, but the fact that I have this spread sheet to...not roll out combat...it's...it's...it feel funny. Hollow almost. I'm glad I have it. It was fun to work through toward the end. It was a great boost to an awful day. I think the most likely and largest factor is...it's just a shortcut now. The wormhole is created, the hard part is over. It's supposed to be there for the little characters, not the Kejaks and PCs. I will probably never spend a tenth the time I have with it, even if I use it for every game I run, and I never stop running Exalted 2e. IT was worth the effort. There have been sessions that PCs spent time fortifying allies and defenses, and then sessions that felt bad when their characters weren't on screen, but I'd have to figure out "So how will this play out" without bias, but without missing the Forest for all the trees. This is a program that easily reduces  full month of posts, to a single hour of entry and then I hav the file saved to produce for player interraction. That will mean so much. IT will let me focus on the players, and also let the many, many hordemasters see fruition to having contingent defenses.

Today....well Today is no longer the day I thought it was. Well, by that I mean It went from Midnight to morning. Yesterday sucked. Today is good. I'm going to close down the web, and relax.

I spent my day in Washington DC for The National Memorial Day Parade.  I like to watch the spectators as we march by them.  As a Desert Storm vet, I march with other DS vets to bring attention to the National Desert Storm War Memorial we are trying to get built.  Ground was broken last July, and we are hoping for the dedication to happen by Veterans' Day 2024.

In reply to phoenix9lives (msg # 926):

That's awesome! Thank you for your service.

Mixed blessings, I guess...but I'm trying to focus on the positive side of things...

We open a show in five days.  I had most of my projects for that show done by 5 pm yesterday, and spent yesterday evening and most of today helping someone else get caught up with their projects...

Tonight, at production meeting, I found out that the lighting that they had been talking about cutting from the works completely was now a go.  Not only that, but the plan is now to heavily modify something I've already done and try to make the new thing even more elaborate.  Plus, they want to add two fog machines in a location where it's almost impossible for me to get power to them...the most accessible circuits for them are already ridiculously loaded and within a few hundred watts of maximum capacity...these fog machines take more than that much power...

It sucks to have projects like this thrown into the mix this late in the process...but I also know the only reason they're talking about it is because they have confidence that I can actually make it happen.  The problem with developing a good reputation is you have to keep living up to it...but I feel like my reputation is really good right now.

In reply to V_V (msg # 925):

I know how much work something like that is.

Congrats!

I do believe that I've finally kicked the MMO habit.   I deleted all my characters and uninstalled about two weeks ago...no urge to go back!  ^_^

In reply to Hunter (msg # 930):

In accordance with tradition... "Can I have your stuff?"  :)

In reply to bigbadron (msg # 931):

Nya!

I already gave my stuff away meow.  It seemed the right thing to meow at the meow.   And in the end....meow.

I had to order groceries. My roommate has not been a good friend to me recently. I paid for car for her to use, with the agreement (years ago) she would run errands. I don't have license (also directly due to her behavior) I didn't lose it, but essentially my social security card, and birth certificate were stolen by her parents. We were homeless too. So couldn't renew my license. Anyway, that's not good stuff, but I wanted to emphasize I had to order them for delivery.

So I'm writing a vent, about other things, and I am just about done, when there's knock at the door. I write about two or three more sentences, and answer the door.

I don't believe it love at first sight. I don't. This woman, however, was in an instant, beautiful, and as soon as she spoke calming. When I was shaking, from my parkisonism (basically an over arching diorder that includes parkison's. For those that dob't know, and don't want to look it up, the term technically includes parkinson's disease, but no one should or does say that, but clicnically speaking parkison's disease is under the parkisonism "umbrella" anyway the term parkisonism is used for other induced symptoms that follow parkison's but can be "Cured" by removal of the induction. In this case, I take Haloperidol, which in adults, can cause parkinsonism, and sometimes that can remain even when the medicine is discontinued. Anyway, I thought feel jittery. Even as I write this, and not just physically.

So I see this woman, and as first sight I am without breath. She offered to help me. I said no, but she insisted. I again declined, and she just smiled at me. This so very...I sort of want to cry...this angelic smile. I told her to have a good day, and and she gestured to help me carry the two bags. It made me shake more. I should have, and wished I had agreed. I don't know why I didn't. I do, but it isn't rational, it's learned behavior.

She was more athletic, taller and younger than I. I just didn't want her to feel threatened in my home. She offered, and I could have used the help. Every indication showed she was comfortable coming inside, but I trusted learned behavior, and that behavior is from over a decade ago.

I hope that if she delivers groceries again, she will offer again to help me. Her very presence, voice, and appearance helped me. She was very attractive, and not just visually. Her voice, accent, cadence, lilt, volume, confidence, cheer, care, and tone were all so calming. even if she's married, even if I dare not ask her for a more personal date to meet, when she's not working. Having her help me, becoming acquainated, knowing her name, and her knowing mine, when she bring me groceries. That would be so nice. Even if it stays professional, it could be a very pleasant and friendly dynamic.

This is hopeful, but not worth dwelling. I rarely have repeated deliveries. It's made me realize why I need to accept help, even from those that 18 years ago I I ight make uncomfortable. I need to accept someone's help, especially if they insist, and even upon further denial, go out their way, by body language to show they want to help.

I made my day, and believe it or not, my day just started less than two hours ago. I guess you can believe that, because likely you don't know I'm in US Central time zone. So it could be almost any time. I woke up at 5 PM.

As I stated above, at the opening, my roommate has not been kind to me. She used to be my best friend. My...only friend...locally that is. So this early, to have such a kind gesture make my day, that's a gift. It changed me. I will not forget her, nor obsess on her, but have her help remind me, to prompt me why accepting help is in my best interest if I want it, and they seem to want to to help me. Beautiful or not. Angelic or average. I need to stay strong, and if I think I can do something myself to wave off help but! If they insist, I should let them help me. I probably could use help and even if I don't need it.

I'm going to end on that both good and unfulfilled note.

This message was deleted by the user at 02:25, Fri 30 June 2023.

This message was deleted by the user at 02:45, Fri 30 June 2023.

Forgive me for saying anything at all then. I shall now know for next time.

My homebrewed Pathfinder campaign is finally at the point where it's "done".   *happy dance*

Finally managed to catch a TV series that I'd never been able to find anywhere (at least not affordably) midway through season 2 yesterday and got it set to record - AND for added bonus, found season 1 on demand on my streaming service!

Hooray!

I think that I've finally kicked the soda habit after thirtyish years.   Next challenge....sugar.

In reply to Hunter (msg # 939):

That's awesome! Good for you! You can do it! I cut soda and sugar out of my own diet many, many years ago and it has been wonderful on my health.